Sarah Garfinkel
Jul 22 · 3 min read
Image credit: Dan Cook

“Before you look in the mirror, I should tell you — you’re gonna laugh,” said the hairdresser. “I got a little scissor-happy.” Ella had been growing out her hair for five years to reach her desired length, but because her hairdresser prefaced his comment with the heads up that she was going to laugh, Ella cracked up. “What a hoot!” she said, very appropriately.

“You are going to laugh,” said Liza’s boyfriend Hank. “I totally forgot your 30th birthday and didn’t buy you a gift, bake you a cake, or even write you a card.” Hank always knew how to make Liza’s day. She laughed all the way to her third part-time job, the one she picked up to pay off the cruise she gifted to Hank when he turned 31 ½.

The Calculus students opened their email accounts to see a notification from Professor Wilkers. “You’ll surely chuckle!” The students read the body of the email. “I mixed up the dates for the midterm, which is worth 50% of your grade. Oops. Instead of next week, it’s today! How funny would it be if you didn’t see this email and missed the exam, failed the course, and then had to go further into student debt to stay in college an extra semester to retake it?” The students were in complete agreement that the whole situation was TOO funny.

The ever-silly Southwest flight attendant pressed the speaker button to make an announcement. “Y’all are really gonna laugh,” he said. “The pilot forgot his carry-on at LAX so we’re turning around.” The entire cabin began to laugh hysterically.

George tearfully shared the news of his layoff with his wife. Stella decided it was a good time to open up too. “Babe? You’re gonna laugh at this timing. But…I’m having an affair.” Well, Stella had said George would laugh, so he laughed and laughed. “What a riot!” he replied, as he gasped for air between subsequent laugh attacks.

The waiter approached his customer at table six. “Ma’am, you’re gonna laugh.” Sandra flexed her cheek muscles in anticipation. “I know you said that you have a severe allergy to dairy, but I accidentally served you the non-vegan pizza. And the dessert you just ate is also — .” Sandra held up a hand to cut him off because she was shaking too hard from laughter to swallow her Benadryl.

“I’ll bet you’ll laugh,” read the note that Jack left behind on his office desk before fleeing the country. “I embezzled some company funds. LOL.” “What a goofball,” giggled the bankrupt CEO as she sold off all of her luxury vehicles, rare coins, and gold dental crowns.

Robert texted his boyfriend Craig. “Hey, hon, I volunteered to host rehearsals for my new death metal a cappella group, Treble Death, in our studio apartment every night for the indefinite future!” The typing dots appeared, disappeared, and then reappeared again on Robert’s screen as Craig devised a plan to sell Robert’s beloved drums on eBay, donate the money to NPR Music Radio, and then dump Robert. “I know you’re gonna laugh,” Robert added in a second message. Craig mentally canceled their almost-breakup. “HAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOL LMAO!!!” Craig responded with delight.

“You’re gonna laugh,” warned the dentist, as she gave Maria a laughing gas sedative prior to the procedure. Maria inhaled and fell asleep.

Emrys Journal Online

Companion to the print journal est. 1984, Greenville, SC

Sarah Garfinkel

Written by

Sarah Garfinkel is a humor writer and educator living in Cambridge, MA. You can find more of her writing at www.sarahgarfinkelwriting.com.

Emrys Journal Online

Companion to the print journal est. 1984, Greenville, SC

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