I Tried the Three Open Relationship Rules That Always Fail
I tried to put the reins on big emotions, but it was a disaster.
I have to admit: I started messing with the idea of open relationships because I’m indecisive and greedy. I loved having multiple partners, with all their scents and their histories and their interests. I couldn’t get enough of finding new sexual kinks, adventures, and curricula. I could, at my most passionate, put myself on a course to increasingly hedonistic experiments and primal play. When I was just turning thirty, I lobbied for threesomes and voyeurism when my partners admitted they had sexual fantasies that involved other men. I thought it was the ultimate show of confidence — until I didn’t, and some of the choices they made would intimidate me and shrink me into a corner. I wanted to have my cake, eat it, and still sell it at a premium. But all relationships come with trade-offs.
Beyond the need to explore, I’d become crippled by the idea of relationships ending. I believed there was no “cut your losses” caveat for calling it quits. When I had to accept some relationships helped me and my partners more by ending them, it felt like I was championing failure. It was too much for me to own that some people could be damaged by my mercurial, pretentious tendencies. They had to love me forever.
