An Unsettling Tendency
Vata Vibes in the Driver’s Seat
Today was one of those days where I had nothing to do, no one to see, and nowhere to be. And last night I thought, oh — I can’t wait! There was SO much I wanted to do with my day. So much I wanted to do for me.
This morning I woke up, and even though I had the distinct feeling that I should just get up and get moving, I reached for my phone and proceeded to scroll through Instagram for a whole hour instead.
And each time I scrolled through a new reel, I thought, okay, after this, I’m getting up. But I just kept scrolling; my mind and body completely misaligned.
Eventually, I became ravenous (as I often do about an hour after waking) so my instincts took over, and I got up to make myself my routine protein shake; the catalyst for starting my day. Blending up my protein shake always makes it easier for me to make my next move a productive one.
I’ll be honest, although I always have the intention to meditate daily, I’ve been struggling to sit down and do it lately. More often than not, I actually skip it. So after gulping down my breakfast, I decided to try a guided meditation from the CHANI app. Maybe the guidance would make it easier?
As I sat cross-legged in my favorite meditation spot on the porch, my sweet puppy (she’s 10 actually) curled up in the alcove between my knees. We sat together for no more than three minutes while I listened to Chani speak about breath.
Here’s what happened:
As I breathed, I began to observe this tendency I have that keeps me from taking action on the things I want to do…
In any given moment there are SO MANY things that I want to do (please feel free to just skip right over this long list of “me” things) — I want to read a good book, I want to write something, I want to practice yoga, I want to sit with my energy and play with the unseen, I want to cook a nourishing meal, I want to reach out to make plans with a friend, I want to go down to my local coffee shop and read a book or sit down to write something while I’m there, I want to check out a local boutique and buy myself a treat/support that small business, I want to lay out by the pool and soak up the sun, I want to create content, I want to show my face somewhere, I want to do EVERYTHING…
What happens is, I get overwhelmed and instead of getting started with just one thing, I do nothing. I reach for my phone and scroll through Instagram. That, or I start cleaning, because for some reason, I think a clean home will make it easier for me to make decisions.
This is a regular occurrence for me. I get stuck not doing any of the things I want to do, because I feel so unbelievably overwhelmed by all of the things I want to do.
My Ayurvedic studies tell me that this is very much the energy of Vata. It is a subtle, unproductive movement that totally wears you out and keeps you from making magic in the world. Think: mental spiraling, overanalyzing, inundating yourself with content, and/or mentally obsessing over literally anything.
The best way to deal with this is to get grounded. Get out of your head and into your body. Hence, sitting down to meditate helped me identify what was happening, which then caused me to stop meditating so that I could write about it. Because for me, writing is grounding. It’s like taking my intangible thoughts and making them tangible.
Now What?
When I’m done with this, I’m going to make a list of all the things I want to do (to help me ground it) and then I’m going to pick one thing and start there.
When I’m done, I’ll come back to the list and physically scratch out whatever I chose first, before picking another item to move forward with. I will do this over and over until either, the list is complete, or I’ve realized which items are the most important/worth investing my time in — even if it takes days or weeks to work through.
Can I guarantee that this will help me? No. I can’t even say for certain that I’ll remember this little solution I came up with for myself after today. But I’m going to try it anyway. Because I’m tired of getting stuck in my overwhelm. I’m tired of never doing the things I want to do, when I’m not being held under the pressure of proving myself (which is a whole other thing we can talk about on another day), because that doesn’t feel good either. And today, I want to feel good.
I hope that these Vata vibes that I keep finding myself stuck in aren’t impacting you as heavily. And I hope that you are happy and well.
Sending love, and a healthy dose of magic.
