The Way Out of the Worry Garden
“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, but empties today of its strength.”
Carrie Ten Boon
Worry Distracts You from Your Goal
Worry can be a lot of things, but there is one thing that it is not; it is not productive. In fact, it’s the opposite. It saps energy and redirects your focus from the result you want. Worries can entangle you because they sprout from the seeds of fears about what you really want. True, dangers and problems are possible. But worries are distractions that keep you from being at your best to respond to danger or solve problems.
Worrying seems inevitable, but its not. Its power lies in the fact that humans often are not aware of the mind’s capacity to create and shape experiences. With a simple thought your mind can create a goal, while envisioning the possible ways to achieve the goal and the possible obstacles to achieving the goal. The envisioning of possibilities increases the chances of them becoming reality, which is increased by more thinking. When you don’t know that you are doing this, the mind gravitates toward the negative possibilities.
It’s probably a survival mechanism that kept our ancestors alive in the wild., but not useful when you want to achieve a marker of financial success or have your body look a certain way. You automatically worry about the possibilities that can keep you from achieving your goal. You subtly focus on your goal in association with the outcomes you don’t want. Your worries become self-imposed obstacles to your goal. As they keep popping up in your mind, your goal starts to seems unreachable. Then you shift your focus to the obstacle, away from your goal.
Get Energized by Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a way out of this vicious cycle. Contrary to popular belief, forgiveness is not about pardoning someone who has done wrong. It’s more than that. Forgiveness is a process of releasing feelings and judgments about an experience. Regardless whether actions are right or wrong, good or bad, holding onto old feelings of hurt, anger, disappointment or shame about those actions can be toxic. Holding on keeps you stuck.
Feelings about past experiences can fuel your tendency to worry. If you can learn to let go of whatever your mind has a grip on, you can redirect your attention back to your goal. Worry loses power whenever you can return focus on your goal. Forgiveness can help you shift your perspective and enable you to accept the possibilities you have been fighting against. This acceptance helps you become more open and creates conditions for the best possible outcome.
Practically speaking, you can counteract worries with acts of forgiveness. Just as you have many opportunities to engage in worry, you will have opportunities to engage in forgiveness. If you look for it, you will notice situations in your circumstances where you can offer forgiveness or ask for it. It does not matter which side of the equation your are on, giver or receiver, you will benefit. Each time you acknowledge the opportunity and take it, you and those around you will feel better. You will get boosts of energy. If worrying saps today’s strength, then forgiveness increases it.
Take Note, Take Heart
The best way to get started with the forgiveness boosts is by writing down what you notice. Keep a journal. Find a quiet time to make a note to yourself. Opportunities for forgiveness can be small or large and need not be related to your worries. There could be something that reminds you of a past interaction that you have been holding onto. Are you still angry at your sibling for something that happened in childhood? This might be a good time to let it go. Did you say something recently that came out stronger than intended? You could ask for forgiveness. It is not necessary to immediately speak to the other person involved, though it helps. You can write it down, and say it to yourself. This will release a good portion of what you are holding onto. Take a deep breath and slowly exhale, 3 times.
If you set aside even a few minutes to do this everyday, you will reduce the energy that is devoted to worrying. You may have to revisit some issues, some justified anger that you don’t want to let go of. That’s okay. You can forgive and accept your own resistance to forgiveness. Take this first important step to nurture an impulse for asking for or giving forgiveness. When you choose to act on it, you become energized by the action.
