Just Trying to Figure it Out

By: Edrees Saied

Insecurities are deficiencies in one’s self, and I want to own mine. They tend to overwhelm me and force me to become unable to find contentment within myself and then they creep into my school life and stop me from being as great as I know I can be.

My main insecurity is my lack of family connections. It really bothers me. Even though I’m living under the same roof as my parents, I find it difficult communicating with them about my feelings because their histories and past experiences are different from mine. I get to grow up in America. My parents sacrificed everything so I could grow up here instead of Yemen. It had to be difficult leaving everything you know behind so your children can have a better life. They came up hard.

“I’m working to honor the work and sacrifices my parents put in for me. I’m working to be an excellent student. So I build connections with my teachers, I seek out mentors and hop on opportunities.”

I believe that these differences shouldn’t get in the way of our connections; however, but we are just so different which prevents us from forming the type of relationship I’d like us to have. At times, I feel isolated and self-alienated, as I’m forced to figure a lot of things out on my own.

So sometimes I struggle with all the responsibilities I take on as I try to ensure I get to college. It would be great if I could go to my parents for more but I never want to be a burden. I know I wouldn’t be a burden technically, but their struggles were on a different level than mine, and they just don’t understand Americanized teenage issues. I think the pressure gets in the way of my academic achievement at times.

I’m working to deepen that connection. I’m working to honor the work and sacrifices my parents put in for me. I’m working to be an excellent student. So I build connections with my teachers, I seek out mentors and hop on opportunities. So for my teachers, mentors, adults, peers, thank you! You never know what someone is juggling. I still haven’t entirely figured out how to navigate the cultural differences between my parents and me, nor have I completely figured out how to master this education thing, but I am doing my best.