The Memories Make Me Black-Out

By: Trylyon Love

What I need to thrive in school is a better support system. One that I feel like I can trust enough to open up to.

With all the ‘traumatic’ things I have experienced, my school life has been affected. I think if the lack of the support systems at my school stays the same, I will get worse.

Currently, to focus in school I have to push everything else, aside from school, to the back of my mind. But I can’t always force everything else to go away, sometimes my something else just takes over. Sometimes I have mental blackouts. I can’t remember what happened in the moment of my blackouts. All I know is they come and go and once they are over everything is back to the way it was. I can’t explain it.

I haven’t figured out what triggers blackouts, but I do know what triggers my space-outs. Sometimes when things come into my mind, like traumatic events, I am forced to the back of my brain, swallowed in my thoughts. In those moments, I often drift away for about 5 minutes. But I can’t control these blackouts, my brain is the power source of my whole body, sometimes I can’t really control it well.

I dont think im getting the support that I need. I’ve tried different ways to deal with some of trauma of my past. I try to quiet my mind with jobs and sports, but once those are over, my mind gets loud again and all of the horrible memories rush back in all at once. I feel like I don’t want to say anything to the adults here. I don’t want to say anything to any adults, I feel like they don’t understand what’s going on inside my head. I know for a fact they don’t, I don’t even know how to handle my brain. I want to be able to focus on school and not blackout or space-out. I used to want a therapist or counselor from the school, but I was afraid to say anything. I felt like they are not going to truly understand what I’m saying, because I don’t know how to explain.

What I need to thrive in school is a better support system. One that I feel like I can trust enough to open up to.

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