How Stand-Up Comedy Healed Me
From Heartbreak to Stand-up
It’s the New Year of 2023 and while everyone is out and celebrating I find myself alone in bed with tears streaming down my face. My boyfriend of five years had cheated on me.
“Learn to treat me better,” He slurs his words as he drowsily falls asleep. His words cut through me. I think about how I could’ve been better. I think about all the moments where I fought my father because he didn’t like that I was dating someone who wasn’t part of my culture. I think about how my father attacked me because of it and I had to call the cops on him. I think about all the moments where I fought for him but he was afraid to even tell his parents that he was dating me.
“It’s like you don’t want to fight for us anymore,” He says to me. I snort. Who is the one who didn’t even try to fight?
I feel bad for my face because I cover it with tears and snot during the month of January. Just the thought of the person I wanted to marry with someone else during New Years would wreak havoc. I realized I didn’t know who I was as a person. Everyone just knew me as his girlfriend. My identity was tied to me being in a relationship and now it was time for me to learn how to be alone.
One day I get off work and head to my favorite sushi spot because my best friend works there. She sat me near the bar and as I was trying to get situated I saw a familiar face.
Now now there don’t be racist now, not every Brown man with a beard is him. I thought.
Could be just someone that looks like him. I thought again.
My friend and the workers crowd around me to greet me. I hug them all and say hello. My friend makes a cup of tea for me. I thank her. There’s a brief moment of silence between the man sitting next to me and I. My gut feeling tells me that I’m right.
I turned to the man slowly, “Are… you… Hasan Minhaj?”
“Yes I am, yes I am.” He says. I was right!
“Your latest special is your best work!” I told him. He thanks me.
“What are you doing here with the regular people?” I ask him in shock.
“I like being with the regular people.”
“Well you got money! You need next level sushi.” I told him.
I’m so nervous but I’m also so excited! I cannot believe I’m randomly sitting next to a famous comedian!
“HOW ARE YOU! I LOVE YOU,” I tell him.
“I’m good! I love you! How are you?” He replies.
He tells me that he’s about to host the Daily Show and that he has to do a surprise set at the Cellar later.
“Oh Cellar? My friend is a comedian. I think he has performed there?” I told him.
“Oh who is your friend? That’s a big deal,” He asks.
“I think he did some open mic?”
You could tell I was clueless about anything comedy related. I laugh back at how I didn’t even know what Comedy Cellar was or really cared about what the Daily Show was.
“Is your friend funny?” He asked.
I shake my head slowly.
“Supportive I see…” He says.
“He used to say some racist shit back then in his first sets,” I say.
“You don’t want him to be canceled right?”
I stare at him, “No one ever gets canceled… you still got jobs!”
“Ok people just get mad at the internet…” He says.
There’s a moment of silence.
I get insecure now. I think I’m being annoying and being too much. I mustered up the courage to not make things not awkward.
“So how’d you get into comedy?” I ask.
‘
“I was in speech and debate because I talk a lot. My friends would say I’m not really that funny but I can tell you’re the funniest friend.”
I blink, “Really?!” I think about the times when my ex-boyfriend said I wasn’t funny or how people only laughed at my jokes because of the way I looked.
He looks at me, “Really.”
“Hm I already have therapy though.” I say.
“Stand-up is cheaper,” He says.
“I think I would get stage fright.” I say, “Do you get stage fright?”
“No.” He says.
I shake my head slowly. The thought of being on stage and telling jokes scared me. That could never be me and besides being a comedian was never a dream of mine.
I get so nervous and black out and start ranting about something. He looks at me and says, “THAT’S FUNNY!”
“So when are you going to write that book? I’m going to read it! Like Ali Wong when she was still with her husband?” I ask him.
“I’m going to put this interaction in my book!” I get wide eyed. I cannot believe I’m going to be in a famous person’s book!
He leaves to go do his set and before he heads out he asks for my name and says, “It’s Kismet.”
Months later I began to think about stand-up comedy and what it would be like to be up on the stage. Comedians just seem so cool. How are they so natural up there in front of a crowd of people? I begin to dream about it and I think to myself, maybe doing comedy is my destiny? I feel a pull to do comedy but I’m terrified of going up on a stage. It stresses me out.
“I have tickets to see a show at the Cellar,” my best friend said to me one day.
It’ll be my first time ever seeing a comedy show at the Cellar. Watching the comedians makes me laugh! I feel so energized watching them, it’s incredible. I’m so awed at their confidence and their ability to just go up there. After the show, the host sees us and tells us to go on the stage to take a photo with him.
“So you’re a discount Dave Chappelle,” I tell him.
He looks at me very and blinks, “I can tell you have a great personality. You’re funny.”
I smile.
I find myself at the Cellar again another night with my best friend.
The host turns to my friend and says, “You’re friend has a great personality, she’s very entertaining.”
We sat down at the table in the Cellar.
The host points at my friend, “You’re beautiful so life is easy for you.” He proceeds to point at me, “You’re funny.”
I talked to another comedian after a show at the Cellar and I realized I was roasting him. In which he tells the host, “That girl needs a set right here man.”
“She got me too. She called me a discount Dave Chappelle, it was hilarious.” The host says. I hear him say it as I stand on the stage at the Cellar staring out at the empty room. I imagine what it would be like to be on a stage making people laugh.
After the show, I went up to another comedian that performed there, “You were the second funniest comedian tonight.”
“Wow thanks.”
He was pretty short and he was taking a picture with a tall white girl and I said, “She’s like half the size of you!”
“She’s half the size of you too.”
I say, “She’s like the World Trade Center and I’m like the Pentagon.” He laughs.
He points at me and says, “You’re funny. Be a comic.”
I start to write jokes about my relationship and about getting cheated on. It’s hilarious to me but most importantly it’s so healing to me. Looking back at it I realize how I used comedy to heal from the pains of my relationship. It’s probably what I’ve always done. Using humor to mask my pain and my traumas.
My best friend encourages me to be a comedian and we head to a cafe where I write my first set. I tell her that I want to bring joy to people. I tell her about my dreams to pursue comedy but I’m scared.
“Don’t let moments be moments. Let them be opportunities,” She says.
I tell her that my other friend who does comedy is doing a comedy festival.
“Easy that’s going to be you next then Radio City Music Hall,” She reassures me.
I ask about comedy to other comedians that I know and tell them I’m thinking of it.
“If it scares you, it’s probably something great.”
I did my first comedy set ever at New York Comedy Club and I remember being so nervous that I’m shaking. I’m surprised that people are laughing. The other comics tell me that I did a good job. They’re surprised that it’s my first time. I’m so giddy after my set it’s a rush of happiness and adrenaline. I conquered my fears and did what I was scared to do.
I begin my comedy journey and remind myself that this is my destiny. My first few months of comedy were filled with so much dread, self-doubt, and imposter syndrome. I cried all the time to the universe wondering if I was doing the right thing. Comedy came to me so spiritually but the open mics were such a stark contrast of what I thought comedy was. I feel inferior to other comedians who have been doing this longer whereas I had just started.
I find myself in a lull. I’m working part time at a gift shop to sustain myself to pursue stand-up comedy. I feel like a loser. I stare out into the universe and wonder how my life has become like this. Why did the comedians keep telling me to be a comic? It doesn’t seem like this is going anywhere. I feel lost. I cry tears of sadness because I feel the pressure of having to do something big in comedy to be great.
I clock out my part time gift shop job and I see a text from my friend that works at the sushi restaurant on my phone, “Hasan Minhaj is at the restaurant again!”
She tells him that I’m doing comedy and he tells her that he’s so happy for me and that he knew I had it in me all along.
I cried again but this time tears of joy because I accepted that this was the full circle moment that I needed. I thought I had to do this big thing but I realized stand-up is a journey and not a destination.
Now I make it an effort to perform comedy as much as I can. I made it a promise to myself to get good and continue to perfect my craft. I love stand-up so much and how it’s given me so much confidence not just on stage but off the stage. Comedy has allowed me to discover myself as a person and as an artist. The funny thing is people get discovered from doing stand-up comedy but I got discovered to do stand-up comedy. It’s a funny concept to me. Even though I’m not a famous comedian I just know everyday I live a dream where I get to make people laugh with my jokes. It’s more than I could ever ask for. I thank comedy for teaching me how to stay consistent and diligent with my crafts. Without comedy I wouldn’t have realized my strength as a writer and as a filmmaker.
