Writing Your Wedding Vows: What We Say is Who We Are

Lately I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the simple, yet complex, concept of words. I’ve been contemplating the power of what we say, how it represents our core beliefs, and how it reflects our character. When we stand by what we say, we reveal our principles. When we forget the words we have spoken, we unearth our incertitude. Which, of course, lead me to think about wedding vows.

A lot of people feel stuck when it comes to writing their vows. “I’m not a writer!” they may shout. “I don’t know what to say.”

This sense of frozen’ness, this uncertainty, may come from a deeper understanding of the weight of words, right? how there is a certain expectation that what we say matters, particularly in this moment. Even for a person who doesn’t necessarily like to read, hated all their English classes, and would rather call someone on the phone than text…even this person knows that wedding vows are important.

You can overthink them. You can over-analyze them and experience analysis paralysis.

And it makes sense that this can happen. The words we speak reflect who we are.

Words have power.

For centuries we have turned to storytellers to learn about our hearts, escape our daily lives, and understand what it means to be a human on this crazy earth. With each word a person builds a sentence, a paragraph, a novel that has the power to make us cry, laugh, curse out loud, and roll our eyes. People are granted the allowance to “hate” a book just as much as the next person can prop it up on their mantle and declare it their new spiritual guide.

Remember this: it is a good thing you are sweating over your vows. It is the right thing that you feel the importance of the words you choose. This means you’re human. It means you think before you speak.

But remember this, too: Your vows don’t have to be long. They don’t need to be poetry.

They simply have to represent who you are in your relationship and your hopes for the future. It simply has to be something you strive to stand by (ha that’s all!)

It will be okay. Our advice to the nervous vow-writer? Start simple.

It’s absolutely, 100%, completely and utterly okay to keep your vows simple. Here, let’s start together:

Dear (Name of partner),

My favorite thing about you is ________

I appreciate how you __________

I love that we are awesome at ___________

I will do my best to always try and ____________

While I know our future won’t be perfect, I can’t wait for us to ___________

I love you because ___________

I vow to strive for __________ in our marriage.

What we say is who we are. As you come together to build a future alongside your partner, think about what matters. What words do you hope to stand by for your remaining years together? What will help you show the world your spirit, beliefs, and hope for the future?

Stand by what you say. 
Take a stand.

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