The Younger Brother
Nate’s Point of View
“It was just a kiss, she said”, I clenched my jaw and counted to ten as I typed my latest email to my sister Priya. I was still hurt by Tara’s betrayal and her flippant attitude toward the situation. “I have attended lots of weddings and you don’t see me kissing just anyone!” I continued still unbelieving that she would do something like that at a cousin’s wedding. Priya had told me that I would soon get over her and in an attempt to distract me, had shared details with me concerning her upcoming wedding to Nick-the-American. I was still surprised that she had assumed I wouldn’t be attending! But I had jokingly replied that I would make an appearance if she agreed to introduce me to some hot chicks. She’d handled it very good naturedly as usual, commenting that Nick had told her that he has a few girls in mind. I was excited to see Priya again and to finally meet Nick but the idea of leaving India for the wedding was still something I wasn’t sure I was ready for. India was all I had known, even with all the adventuring I had done with friends. None of us had ever left and now I was about to change that. I shivered as I thought back to a conversation Priya and I had soon after she told the family about Nick.
“Why don’t you want to leave India, Nick?” she’d asked. I had replied defensively saying that I liked it here and asked her why she’d left. She took a moment to compose her thoughts and had finally explained that she left because everyone around her had left India, whether it was because they’d gotten married or had gone to look for husbands in America. She continued that she had also left to escape Ma and Nanna, Thatha and the whole family. I became confused knowing she’d left to escape them and to be independent but on the contrary had come back for their approval of her marriage that she knew she might never have.
After a few moments of thinking on it, I voiced my confusion which brought a sigh from her “yes. Ironic isn’t it?” I thought more on the subject and it began to almost make sense. I could see both sides and it helped knowing that she was quite close with Nanna and Thatha but after a few minutes I decided to stop trying to figure it out due to the headache it was giving me.
I snapped back to reality, finding myself disoriented, and remembering that I was emailing Priya. In a slight daze I hurried to finish telling her about school and my most recent adventures. Once finished and sent I got up, locked the door and went out to my motorbike. Fastening on my helmet I drove off, already feeling better in the fresh air as it blew against my hot skin. As I road I tried to distract myself from somber thoughts with the scenery, busy roads, and things I needed to do. I even tried to start planning for my next trip but all I could think of was who I would go with. I was lonely. Even though I would never admit it to Ma, Nanna, Priya, or anyone else, I still felt it like a constant ache. It’s hard to imagine how happy she and Nick are in America. Even listening to Ma talk about Sowmya and Vinay’s wedding puts me in a blue mood. Everyone has someone special but me. Sure, yeah I have friends but it’s not like we’re able to hang out with each other all the time. We’re all getting increasingly busy with school and beginning careers and a few of the guys are preparing for weddings.
A truck swerving in the middle of the road, distracts me from my pity-party. Once off the main road and close to the orchards I begin to feel considerably better. The orchards are a place of refuge for me and the sight of rows and rows of trees buoys up my spirits. I pull up next to the fence and turn off my bike. Looking left to right I comb the area for workers or visitors. Satisfied knowing that no one is there, I began my climb of the orchard fence, moving up quickly as I have a million times before. At the top I check again for people- and seeing no one I swing one leg over, and then the next- and jump. I enjoy the brief queasy feeling of my stomach rising until I land on the ground, crouching as my legs absorb the shock of the fall. I make my way through the trees, walking for about ten minutes up to my refuge. As I walk up to the trunk of the large tree I’m reminded of all the times I have come here seeking peace and quiet. I know all the different ways to climb up the trunk, how to get the best view of the city, the best napping crook, and the spot where you’ll never be seen unless someone else climbs the tree. I begin to loving the feel of the rough bark under my hands. Half way up to the hiding spot, I stop and look at the sunset. No matter how often I see it, the beauty and fire take my breath away. Taking a deep breath I relish the bright warmth on my face and arms. After a few minutes, the light is gone, extinguished by the hills. In the growing darkness I quickly scale the rest of the tree up to the hiding spot. I know this tree by heart, and spent many hours here when I was young and started coming more often after Priya left. The last time I came was when Tara and I broke up, reminding me of when I first met Tara. I’d climbed up as high as it was safe and spoke to the sky, sharing my happiness and excitement.
But tonight I come just to listen. As the moon rises, the crickets chirp and I can hear the soft chatter and laughter from the houses at the edge of the trees. I lower myself onto a cluster of branches and try to relax, feeling the tension in my muscles. With all this excitement of two marriages in the family, Ma had pounced on her next victim- me. She had begun to point out young women that lived near us commenting on the qualities she found suitable- although none of them seemed to ever be just right- and I now understood Priya’s pain. I understood Ma’s worry after mine and Tara’s breakup but I also know that as my mother she is happy as well, thinking she can find the perfect girl for me. But I want to find love in marriage as well. I see why Priya feels that we are so driven by religion and culture that I can be suffocating. I’m happy for Priya and Sowmya’s marriage but I fear I will not be as lucky as Priya and Nick. A growing man is expected to set an example of strength and masculinity and honor. I swore, trying to get a grip. I don’t have time to go looking for love!
I sigh and knock my head against the tree in an attempt to unscramble and make sense of the thoughts in my head. I look at the moon and try to be positive. Maybe Priya and Sowmya’s luck runs in the family. Maybe I can find a girl who pleases my parents that I love. Maybe she will even love me back.
