Lata’s Voice

I want my own voice. It is not dainty and quiet, submissive or abiding. It may not be beautiful or kind, but these are my words, my thoughts, my hopes and dreams for my girls.

You will not read this for many years, but I want you to know your mother — not just as your mother, but as a woman, as a person. There is so much my soul wishes to impart with you. Words of wisdom, advice, and comfort.

Life right now may be confusing for you. I understand that your father and I have struggled to keep our heads. For this, I am sorry that you must endure. I hope you understand that I have stayed to keep this family together. I have stayed to keep you whole. Our good name will not be dragged through the dirt on my account. I have withstood so that you will not be chastised or ostracized. While it is difficult to express that I have considered leaving your father at one time or another, I feel you must understand that I love him in my own way. He has given me the greatest gift of all — both of you and the little one on the way.

Although my choices have molded me, they have not defined me. There is hope for you both, my loves. You will have the options that I did not. The world is changing. Our culture is changing. One day, marriage may change here too. You may be able to seek marriage with the forethought of love, as Priya has done in America.

While my hope is that you may find someone to love of your own accord, the road will be paved with turmoil. There will be love that is lost and heartbreak, unrequited love, and love that is not received. That being said, there is a solace in arranged marriage. There is knowledge that you will stay with that person for the rest of your life. However, in that, you may also feel trapped, as I do at times. Above all, I hope that you, my darling girls, are given a world of options. I hope that you may choose whichever path you desire. As I have said: your choices will mold you, but do not let them define you, or limit you.

Family, marriage, and love are so closely linked with home. I hope you are forever instilled with an abundance of love for our home — India; it is a great part of who we are. I watch you girls as you run and play and dance in the great heat, not a care in the world. You laugh with ease; you enjoy life and your childhood. There is nothing greater than to see your children full of joy.

Enjoy the comfort of one another. You have the wonderful opportunity to share in a lifelong friend that is your sister. While you may bicker and argue, you must remember that you are on the same team, you are family. As Ammamma and Radha and I bicker and argue, we all stand as one. It may be difficult to see, but in each of our hearts, there is a love and compassion that we share in being mothers, wives, and women.

Seek to do more than pit yourselves against one another. We must not tear the other down, but build one another up. We must seek our own betterment, as well as encourage others’. Reach out to the women around you. Learn from their mistakes, take their grains of knowledge and share them. Take into account your differences and learn to appreciate the great things we do within our lives.

Most of all, do not deny each other happiness. Happiness is different for everyone. Priya has found joy in an American husband. Ammamma and Thatha have found joy in one another. Sowmya has married and started to work in a job she loves. Each has found their own peace and happiness within the confines of their own choosing. You may embrace your culture as I have, or you may deny aspects of it. I hope you have the courage to seek happiness on your own terms, even if that means denying me or your father of what we find most suitable.

I want you to find your own voice, but more importantly, I want you to use it. I may not share my voice to the extent that I should, but I hope to push myself to do so. I want to feel that my family knows who I am; yet, I can only do so by showing them and telling them. There is no greater disrespect to another person than to deny them the beautiful souls that reside in your small frames. Show the world, and especially your loved ones, who you truly are.

You will change with time, just as the world changes. You will constantly transform yourself into new, better versions of yourself. You will gain new masks as time goes on. The world will pigeon-hole you within the context of their perception. These masks should mean little to you. They are ever-changing and always a too-narrow version of who you truly are. You will battle daily with tearing down these masks, but nothing is more important than knowing yourself and sharing that version of yourself with the world.

I encourage you both to fight for who you are, to fight for each other. Appreciate our differences and bond over your similarities. We are not all of the same cloth. We do not all think alike, nor act alike. Our decisions are our own. There is something profoundly beautiful in appreciating our humanity. Seek and encourage the beauty you find in others, within our family, and within our home. Recognize the importance of who you are and the magnificence of your individual hearts, minds, and souls. While chaos my reign around you, although times will change, the world will change, you will always have each other. You will always have family. You will always have me. Be strong my darling girls.

The heat of the day is already beginning to rise before the dawn, yet another day. Another day, another opportunity to share my voice.