Natarajan
It was seven years ago when Priya took off to the United States and now she was back, like she never left. She had always been ten years older but I guess I never noticed it as much as I do now. Being in America for seven years changed her. She seemed lighter, stronger, confident, and happy. This new boyfriend was more than likely the biggest part of it. I don’t know why she left and while I was happy for her I wasn’t all glad she was gone so long, never visiting until now. She called and emailed but she wasn’t here. Ma and Nanna also missed her and from what little I heard the family missed her too.
Growing up, I always saw Priya with Thatha or Nana she would always disappear with one of them, Ma didn’t like it but she didn’t seem to let it bother her that much. The girls in at Thatha’s had all the attention, talks of marriage and the next meal. Those things are important but nothing ever changed, it was always the same thing day in and day out. I wasn’t neglected as a child, I knew my family loved me but it seemed that no one wonder about me, not as much as Priya at least. The constant arguing was something I could never stand. Ma and Nanna got into arguments so heated that she would take Priya and me to Thatha’s. I was young and I couldn’t help but feel scared and that maybe it was because of me that they were angry. Priya didn’t seem bothered by the fights, no one would want to talk about it so I kept my mouth shut. Having Priya there helped and having some HAPPINESS to fight over helped me forget about being scared. Eventually Priya left, so without the one person who was always by my side going through all of this with me I started not going to Thatha’s. Instead I would go with my friends to get away from the noise. I love my family, but I hate the politics and fighting. I always wanted to be like Nanna, the fact that Thatha and Nanna didn’t get along made me feel better about not being with the family. Even though Priya is back I have no desire to return to Thatha’s. I see everyone now and then but I have really grown apart from them. I never had a real close relationship with anyone so it didn’t really matter that I wasn’t always there.
Time passed and I moved out for engineering school, Nanna got me a Yamaha, and eventually I met Tara. Tara and I started secretly seeing each other, she became my girlfriend and now she got along with my other friends.
While Priya was down doing the kitchen work I knew she wasn’t accustomed to, I was with my beautiful girlfriend and other friends at the Aruku caves. I wanted no part of what was going on in that house and this heat was far more bearable in the caves. For some reason though, I still worried about her. She knew what she was getting herself into and I did warn her. I spent a few days with her before this and that was enough, right?
“Nate?!” chided Tara, I wasn’t listening. She wasn’t upset but she seemed to be losing patience with me. To make sure she had my attention she put my face between both of her hands and pulled me close.
“Are you ready?!” she asked. Slowly exaggerating her words and wide spread eyes.
“Ready for what?” I asked. Regret settling in for not listening.
“The cave! Are you ready to go into the cave?” she said, with unfaltering focus on me. My other friends were waiting near the entrance of the cave. It all came back to me.
“Yes, sorry. Let’s go, what are you all waiting for?” I joked, offering my arm to her. She took my arm pulling me close but bumped with her shoulder to get the message across that I wasn’t funny but that she still liked me.
The caves were nice and cool, the perfect escape from the heat. While the heat was miserable for me, I couldn’t help but notice how Priya looked far more miserable these first few days back. I knew better than to mention that to her but it amazed me how seven years in America had spoiled her. The power was likely out at Thatha’s and the pickle making probably didn’t help. She may have told the family by now about her boyfriend, word was that Ma had set up a pelli chupulu for her. A big mess was about to explode in that house with so much going on, especially with her new boyfriend being an American. It didn’t bother me but I knew how the family was and she was dead meat. I didn’t want to be there for the bloodshed, I knew it would be to much but I did feel that not being there with her was some how not responsible of me.
“Nate?!” snapped Tara. She was upset this time. “Im cold,” she said, expectingly. I put my arms around her. “What’s wrong? You seem out of it.” she said, looking up at me.
“I’m worried about Priya.” I said. I knew I could talk to Tara and she helped made things clearer, even when she didn’t say anything and only listened. “I left her at the house to be butchered. She has an American finance, that is why she is home. I don’t want to be there but part of me wants to be there for her.” I said. Not once did she look away from me as I spoke, listening intently.
“Maybe you should be there. But can you handle it? Will you be ok, It is noble of you to want to help your sister but you need to take care of your self first.” she said.
How am I the one holding this woman in my arms? I want to be there for Priya but the part of me didn’t want to be there was equally real and Tara reminded me that my needs were also important. That my well being was not to be discarded. I was no alcoholic but there was a time I tried to make it work with the family and the pressure was so built up inside me that I ended up getting drunk. So drunk that it made me not want to try with the family anymore. Lata was no help, she didn’t get along with Ma and always had some sweet sounding hurtful thing to say. It annoyed me and I never thought much of her. I wanted to be there for Priya but not with family. Tara spoke again, “What if you went to your Thatha’s tonight? While everyone is asleep? Find her and be with her then.”
I smiled and kissed her,
“Brilliant.” I said, in a fake cheesy British accent. She smiled back at me and held me close.
