Personal Essay
Yep, I am a summer camp kid. Every summer, I go out to East Texas for a month straight and my church puts on week-long camps for students of all ages. I’ve been going to camp since I was eight but the summer of 2019 was a completely new experience. I was no longer just another camper during week 2, I was asked to be the pastor’s assistant for five weeks straight and I, being the overachiever that I am, did not hesitate to say yes.
Every second leading up to camp was spent stressing; typing spreadsheets, printing name tags, and I even got a walkie-talkie. The days and nights melted together and in what seemed to be a matter of minutes it was go time.
Day 1 came and went and I was stressed out of my mind. Free time might’ve just been the worst part because I knew that there was always something I could and should be doing. I thought I was masking it well, that I came across collected and not frazzled like I was but everyone knew that my brain and my body were moving nonstop and no one wanted to add to the list of to-dos so they all just watched from a distance until it all blew up.
After the sermon on night 4, I had this feeling overcome my body. I felt like someone threw a net over my and I couldn’t move. This feeling was unfamiliar to me but I knew something was wrong. I waited until tears started clouding my eyes to leave my seat, dismiss myself from the service, and head back to my cabin.
Once I arrived, I sat down in the living room and immediately started sweating and breathing heavily. Thoughts were rushing through my head like I’ve never done this before, I don’t break down like this, what is wrong with me, What am I supposed to do with myself? Then the word that had never been a part of my vocabulary crossed my mind. Anxiety. I was having a panic attack.
Hyperventilation overcame my body as I walked to the nurse’s station and I was immediately swarmed with volunteer nurses who took my temperature, drowned me with Gatorade, and put ice packs all over my body. After about 30 minutes, I started calming down and my roommate came in to check on me. She asked me if I wanted to go home but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I thought that I would disappoint everyone who believed I could handle the position.
I ended up spending the night with the nurses and I woke up to a whole new side of myself. I learned to not suppress my stress and that everyone goes through it. The weirdest, most confusing day of my life turned into something that I’ve learned from and I’ve learned to help other people with and I am so grateful.
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