Why I write.
Back when I was around 10 years old, I always had a journal in my hand wherever I would go. I loved the feeling of going into my own world in creating poems mostly about the different seasons or about how I felt in those specific moments. I would write while we were at the dinner table. I had no correlation with what was going on around me. I was too zoned in. My brother and his friends would always pick on me so doing what I enjoyed. When I was about 12 years old, I started to ditch this practice and soon later I completely stopped. I am not sure why I did but I do miss the feeling of my own way to escape reality. As I grew older, I started to develop a severe case of anxiety and mild depression. The doctors said that I inherited it from my mother and I immediately started medication.
As I write this essay, I come to realize that I need to find something that I enjoy to get my head out of the stress instead of medication. I need to learn how to deal with this on my own, not destroy my brain with drugs! I always go to counseling to talk and get stuff out of my head. Jotting down all my feelings and experiences on a piece of paper will be better for me because no one will have to know my whole life. I find that uncomfortable for the person in front of me listening, I mean I would not want to know everything in a persons private life! In all my years through high school so far, I have never enjoyed writing. I think it is because with my ADHD, it takes time to finish it… Thinking back to when I did enjoy it, all I can remember is the feeling of passion and sense of relaxation.
I had lots of anxiety about cheerleading while I was in the sport. I always would worry about a tumbling pass that I was assigned to in the routine. I was scared that I would fall and hurt myself, or someone else. I was scared that I would forget how to do the skill and sike my-self out. Cheerleading is a very competitive sport. You can get kicked off the team anytime of the year if you lose a skill you tried out with. The coaches do not care if you are hurt in a way or sick. You are forced to do the routine no matter the case unless you have a broken leg or hand. I would get panic attacks before practice or a competition. I never wanted to let my team or my coaches down. That was my worst fear. When it came to telling my parents about how scared I was, it was always a “oh, you got it it is all in your head” type of answer. This fear was something that took me 2 years to get past.
This is why I truly think that if I were a bigger writer, I could really talk myself into believing more and trusting God’s plan. There is something about writing that can really calm people who feel lonely, sad, mad, or happy. Writing is amazing because no one can tell you that you are dong it wrong or that your story has no value. I think that everyones story is unique and that they should not be scared to share it on a piece of paper. What is also amazing to me is that every age group has a different story based on their stage of life. When I write, can read over it and be so proud of what I have created. A story come straight from the heart, even if it is fictional.
