Enlightened Bean
Published in

Enlightened Bean

How Anger Is Influenced By Love.

Photo by Alex Iby on Unsplash

The core cause of anger is either love for oneself, or others.

Your father is fixing a light switch, muttering curses under his breath because this is the third time the damn thing has been dysfunctioning. You — the poor clumsy son — is holding the flashlight. You’re thinking about that funny incident that happened at school today, then suddenly — thud. You dropped the flashlight, and immediately your father starts spewing angry words at you. Rebuking you for failing to do the simplest thing; holding the flashlight steady for a few minutes. You pick it up again, and your father continues to fix the switch, grunting and cursing all the while. You begin to wonder; why is he so pissed off? He was just fine before mother bothered him with the task of fixing the switch.

Or let’s suppose you have lost your job due to Covid, and is at loss as how you’re going to manage the money for expenses. Fortunately you have a skill; editing. You start earning money online leveraging your skill, and one day when you’re working on a gig, your seven year old daughter comes to you.

“Who is the strongest. A lion or a tiger?” she asks.

You pause your work. And you answer that you don’t know, and continue working. She asks again,

“A hippo or two lions?”

You sigh and pause again. A hippo, you answer, thinking that if you gave her an answer she might leave you alone. She asks again,

“ Why are tigers called tigers?”

“Listen, I don’t know. Can you please let me do this work, then I’ll answer all your questions,” you say.

She then agrees and goes about her play. You are lost in the work again. You want to make sure to do your job to the best of your ability so that the clients return back again in the future. You also need to work faster because the client gave you a deadline. Some time later your daughter returns back. She has a pencil and a paper in her hands.

“Will you draw a lion for me?”

You purse your lips. “I can’t draw at the moment,” is your reply. “Go to your mother and tell her to draw for you.” She stomps one foot on the ground, and resolutely says,

“She won’t draw, you must do it!”

“I can’t do it right now I told you!” you start to get pissed. She throws a tantrum and starts shouting and shoving the paper and the pencil at your face. You think of the work that needs to be done, the client who wants the work… if the work is not completed, then no paycheck… no paycheck… Suddenly a devil possesses you, and you slam your fist on the table, and shout, “Let me do this work dammit!” Your daughter runs away crying. You feel incensed, to have shown bad-temper. You get frustrated and throw the mug across the wall where it gets shattered.

Let’s start the analysis; in the first example, the father is angry because he feels he’s being robbed of his sweet time. Maybe it was his day off and he was watching his favorite show on TV when the wife bothered him with the task. So he wanted to fix the thing as faster as he could, but when you dropped the flashlight, it made the process longer. Thus, robbing him of his time longer. Here, the cause of anger is a love for himself; his time.

In the second example, the anger is influenced by the love for yourself and for your dear ones. You, the freelancer weren’t malicious, or didn’t rage because you hated your daughter, but that you saw the consequences of you not finishing that work by the deadline. The consequences could’ve been:

  • Not earning money and fearing that your family might starve. (Not in the literal sense.) A love for others.
  • Feeling guilty of not being able to provide, and getting frustrated at yourself for hurting your dignity as a man. A love for oneself.

You can take any example of anger or rage, start removing the layers, and reach the core of the issue, still you will come to the same conclusion; it’s inspired by love for your own self, or others. What are your thoughts on this?

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Ali.Fayzee

Ali.Fayzee

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A writer, classical music junkie, and a hermit. I like to write about writing and psychology. If you have a freelance gig for me, email me at faradali520@gmail