EATSOC — Frequently asked questions
1. What is Enlightenment at the Speed of Coffee?
Coffee, as you know, affects different people differently. Some love its aroma, others loathe it, most drink it as part of a morning ritual and some drink it with grass-fed butter. I could go on and on about the richness of the phenomenon of coffee consumption and yet, the experience would be unique to each individual. So, they say, is the case with enlightenment. Ergo, 2+2 is never the square root of minus one and all is well. Bliss.
2. That was…confusing! What does it all mean?
Good. Confusion is key to enlightenment. In fact, it is the first step.
3. What is the second step?
I say this with some caution and you must consume it with the clinically allowed portion of salt, if any; the second step typically involves thinking oneself enlightened and promulgating a school of thought, including one insisting that there are no schools of thought. Some very atypical individuals, however, do not get past the first step.
4. So, they aren’t enlightened?
They most certainly are, for all we know. They just do not have the time to worry about it, as cold coffee is no fun if it used to be warm once upon a time. Entropy is cold. Besides, Schrödinger’s cat may or may not have consumed some of the coffee when the truth-seeker was not looking, and that is a real problem in many worlds.
5. I feel like you are saying something profound, but I have no idea what it all means.
Good. That is enlightenment (according to some people).
6. What?
Why?
7. What do you mean why?
Why not ask “why” instead of asking “what”? Is it not a more fundamental question?
8. Alright, this is getting loopy. I have a simpler question. Can EATSOC help me understand consciousness?
LOL. No.
9. What do you mean “no” ?
Only you can unlock the mysteries of consciousness, such as they are. EATSOC can only aid in the first step.
10. The first step…is being confused! What good is that?
Would you consider being confused a good reason to go for a walk, get some fresh air and maybe consume some more coffee? Doesn’t coffee expand the horizons of one’s consciousness?
11. This is not fair, this is an FAQ, you cannot answer with a question and a vague one at that!
Why not? EATSOC teaches us that FAQs are not necessarily more enlightening than AQF.
12. What is AQF?
Ask questions frequently. Also, the Australian Qualifications Framework according to most search engines, but we mean the former. Mostly. Especially on Saturdays to be sure.
13. What do you mean mostly?
To be certain of something all the time is to be incapable of becoming more or less certain about everything/anything at some/any given point in time.
14. Is this an esoteric EATSOC principle?
No. EATSOC has no esoteric principles, takes no names and kicks no asses as that would be cruel. Never be cruel.
15. Aha! So, you believe in compassion.
I also believe in never drinking coffee after 2 pm in the afternoon on most days.
16. What is the connection?
Meditate on it. You may, or may not, discover something unmistakably true.
17. What do you mean by “meditate”?
What do you mean by “meaning”? Same difference.
18. Is there a good coffee place nearby? I need to shake off a headache this FAQ has given me.
No coffee place is good or bad but thinking makes it so. Plus, the quality of coffee doth bless both drinker and maker, so tarry not truth-seeker. Be brave and kind, drink coffee, tea, grapefruit juice or simply water if you so choose, for truth is one, but the supposedly enlightened ones have their respective favorite beverages. As does everybody else and that is the whole truth.
Thus, this FAQ has been wisely concluded. EATSOC will begin featuring stories in good time.
