Simplicity That Holds Complexity: Navigating with Polarity Wisdom
Complexity and Dao Series #14
My recent coaching certification in Key Polarity Indicators (KPI) has supercharged the Daoist Yin-Yang thinking I’ve explored throughout this series. In this post, I’ll share a few practical applications that have emerged from this fresh wave of insight.
Before diving in, I want to revisit the simplicity::complexity polarity — a foundational lens through which I relate to polarity. Their dynamic interplay doesn’t just describe emergence in complex adaptive systems — it also generates it, revealing powerful pathways to insights and solution.
In complexity science, one of the core principles is that simple agents following simple rules can produce complex behaviors. A classic example is bird flocking: what looks like sophisticated choreography is governed by just three simple rules, uncovered by Craig Reynolds — alignment (match direction), separation (avoid collisions), and cohesion (stay together). Similar patterns are seen in fish schooling, ant colonies, and firefly synchronization (See: Flocks, Herds, and Schools: A Distributed Behavioral Model; Santa Fe Institute’s Complexity Explorer is also an excellent resource).
Personally, I remember my aunt reminding me — when I was a young doctoral student studying complexity — that one cannot understand complexity without first appreciating simplicity. My advisor echoed this truth, teaching me that seeing patterns is the hallmark of intelligence. Pattern is the simplicity that holds complexity (More on that in this piece: Diversity and Unity in Life).
Polarity is one of the most enduring and universal patterns — rooted in ancient wisdom, yet profoundly applicable to modern life. Below, I share three applications of polarity wisdom that have felt especially poignant in my life and work.
Creating Balance
Polarity is the dynamic interplay between two interdependent poles. When navigated skillfully, we receive the benefits of both; but when we lean too heavily into one, we risk overusing it — and feeling the consequences. This simple yet powerful framework offers a practical way to notice imbalance and restore alignment. When discomfort arises, we can pause and ask: Which polarity might be at play? Which pole am I leaning into too much? And how might I invite the gifts of the other to restore balance?
Take the linear :: nonlinear polarity, for example — a helpful lens in today’s increasingly complex world. In nonlinear systems, cause and effect are often distant in time and space. In other words, we may not see the impact of our actions until much later — or in a completely different context — or perhaps never directly at all. This delay can create deep psychological stress. It’s disorienting not to hear the echo of one’s voice when one expects it.
I see this often in my work with large, cross-disciplinary science teams tackling “challenges of scientific and societal importance.” The feedback loops are long, and the impact is often invisible. When I begin to feel discouraged or unseen, I intentionally bring more linear activities into my day — like embroidery, weeding, or cooking — where the effects of my actions are immediate and tangible. This simple shift offers a surprising sense of relief and groundedness. It rebalances me.
Another example is the task :: relationship polarity. I have a strong drive for progress and a keen sensitivity to time, which often pulls me toward the task side. Stalled progress can feel excruciating, especially when delays are due to systemic constraints — or simply to the distracted energy of others. When I feel stuck, I create momentum by shifting my attention to places where I have full agency — tidying the house, finishing a piece of writing, or returning to a craft.
But when tasks start to consume me, I turn toward the relational. I reach out to friends, spend quality time with my husband and pup, and allow connection to soften my edges. It’s a practice of noticing what’s missing — and choosing where I put my attention with intention. Much like making thoughtful dietary choices, this balancing act is an ongoing exercise in discernment and care.
Recently, I encountered the focus on self :: focus on others polarity. One weekend, after an intense stretch of work and community care, I felt on the edge of burnout. My husband had planned to wash his car, and I felt the familiar pull to be helpful. But I checked in with myself, named my limits, and told him — without apology — that I wouldn’t be helping this time.
In that moment, I was clearly overextended on the “focus on others” pole, and I needed to consciously swing toward “focus on self.” He didn’t mind, and I used that short window of time to tend to myself. Just 30 minutes of self-care made a noticeable difference. In the past, I might have overridden my own needs, helped out of habit, and ended up drained and irritable. If that pattern persists, it often leads people to burnout — or to retreats or life-altering resets. But this time, all it took was awareness, and a small act of redirection.
Balance doesn’t always require grand moves. Sometimes, it’s simply the courage to notice — and the wisdom to shift, even slightly. That is the quiet power of polarity thinking.
Reducing Resistance
Suffering equals pain multiplied by resistance. Pain is inevitable — but suffering? That’s optional. We can work with resistance, soften it, even transform it. One of the most powerful tools I’ve found for this purpose is polarity wisdom.
Here’s a story.
Last year, as I anticipated two back-to-back work trips, a familiar heaviness crept in. I paused and tuned into the sensation — tightness in my chest, a reluctance to move forward. As I inquired into the contraction, I met a part of me that cherishes routine and the comfort of home. She felt uneasy about so much upcoming change.
Instead of pushing her away, I welcomed her — and then invited her inner twin: the part of me that loves adventure, novelty, and the thrill of new environments. When this adventurous part stepped forward, my entire emotional tone shifted. What once felt like dread turned into curiosity. The polarity of routine :: adventure had rebalanced itself from within.
This is the heart of reducing resistance. Each part of us that responds to a situation holds the dynamic tension of a polarity — like conjoined twins, inseparably linked, each carrying distinct strengths. Wise inner leadership means discerning which twin needs to take the lead in the moment, while honoring the presence and value of the other. It’s not about silencing or rejecting, but about fluidly shifting emphasis with gentleness and care. It works like “having the right pole for the job”.
And the truth is, the twins are never truly separate. During the two work trips, the adventurous part led the way, but the routine-loving part came along too — grounding me with morning meditations, mindful meals, and familiar rhythms. The dance between poles brought a quiet harmony, a felt sense of wholeness. (For the full story, see: Inviting Myself In)
The same principle applies in my work life. The ease :: challenge polarity is always at play. I used to brace myself before difficult conversations or tasks— already tightening up from the effort of resisting what was coming. But when I paused and noticed who was speaking, I realized it was the part of me clinging to ease. So I called in her twin — the one who thrives on a good challenge, who relishes the stretch into the unknown and the treasure hunt of learning.
And just like that, the tension dissolved. Resistance gave way to energy. What had felt hard now felt alive with ‘surfing the polarity wave’.
That’s the gift of polarity wisdom. It doesn’t eliminate tension — it teaches us how to move with it, like a dance. And in that movement, we find ease, vitality, and flow.
Thriving among Suffering
One valuable concept I learned from the KPI training is the idea of a “diagonal perspective.” This occurs when someone over-invests in the benefits of one pole and fears the overuse of the other pole, creating a stuck pattern from the imbalance. The proverbial “pendulum swing” captures this dynamic well — it’s a shift from one diagonal perspective to another, moving from one form of stuckness to the next. This dynamic often leads to what’s called a “suffering paradox” — where preference and attachment to one pole causes friction with others, locking us into an either/or mindset, as shown in the diagram above.
When we prefer a pole, we value the benefits of that pole — they are the things that excite us, shape what we think is important in the world, motivate and drive our actions and decisions, and possibly define who we are. Conversely, we typically fear, or don’t like, the overuses of the opposite pole. These things threaten the things we value, so therefore we will do whatever we can to move away from them or to make sure they don’t happen. This sets up what we call a diagonal perspective.
— Brian Emerson and Kelly Lewis, Navigating Polarities: Using Both/And Thinking to Lead Transformation
Understanding this framework helped me make sense of the challenges I faced at work — and more importantly, find ways to navigate them in a way that allowed me to thrive.
I had two managers who exemplified opposite diagonal perspectives within the empower::direct polarity.
The first manager leaned heavily into the empower pole. Working with him felt like swimming in an endless ocean, with no shore in sight. Despite my best efforts, I could never do enough to meet his vague expectations. It created a deep sense of uncertainty and anxiety. To create space for my own thriving, I leaned into the direct pole. I intentionally structured my work by joining projects with clear parameters and sought feedback from a circle of peers and mentors. These small but effective changes helped me regain direction and focus.
In contrast, my second manager was at the opposite extreme, heavily invested in the direct pole. Working with her felt like breathless in a tight bubble. Her narrow focus and insistence on strict adherence to protocols left little room for flexibility. At first, this felt suffocating. However, once I recognized the imbalance, I leaned into the empower pole she had neglected. I followed her directives to stay out of trouble, and used the freedom in other areas beyond the reach of her narrow attention to explore new ideas and create opportunities where she wasn’t looking. This approach allowed me to thrive in an environment that others found stifling.
So how can you thrive when working with someone is suffering from a diagonal perspective?
By consciously leaning into their less preferred pole — and creating conditions where the benefits of that pole can flow.
Holding Complexity with Grace
Polarity isn’t a problem to be solved, but a relationship to be navigated. Whether we’re balancing tasks and relationships, self and others, or freedom and structure, the deeper invitation is to lead with spaciousness — grounded in awareness and an expanded mindset.
Simplicity isn’t the absence of complexity. It’s the clarity that allows us to move through it with ease, discernment, compassion, and choice.
That, to me, is the quiet power of polarity wisdom.
