Just how much time is too much time using a smartphone?
A study by Oxford and Cardiff universities concludes that the guidelines most parents follow regarding their children’s use of devices are too strict. This may seem counterintuitive: most parents complain that their children spend too much time staring at screens, accusing them of phubbing at meal times or when visiting their grandparents.
The reality is that young people do not spend too much time, or too little, looking at their smartphones or computers: they just spend the time they spend, which is how it should be. Our children were born and raised in an environment in which these devices have always been ubiquitous and used for a whole range of things. Asking them not to use them in certain situations is a waste of time. France’s ban on smartphones in schools makes no sense, and what’s more, is doomed to failure. Perhaps looking at your smartphone on the sly will become known in the future as “French peeping”.
Should we limit the time children spend on their devices? Of course we should. Every aspect of our children’s upbringing requires supervision, as it always has. Did our parents let us play all the time, or continually watch television or eat nothing but sweets? Bringing up a child is about controlling without suffocating, in making a child that doesn’t want to be controlled understand that some control is reasonable and necessary for their own sake in the long run. It’s all about balance.
What constitutes reasonable use? It depends on the child and the circumstances. Smartphones are multifunctional devices, hugely appealing and that can soon become addictive. Which means teaching children self-control.
The first step is to understand that devices can do any number of things and therefore we as parents have to understand what our children are using them for at any given time and establish a relationship based on trust, which means showing an interest in what they are up to online in the same way we do in their activities out in the real world.
I can’t see any point in establishing fixed time limits: it’s counterproductive. Faced with a two-hour window, children will pursue the activity most interesting to them, probably avoiding other activities that could help develop certain capacities. Devices have so many applications that we have to trust children to use them as they see fit, for a wide range of uses, from consulting the internet, looking at a map, taking a photograph, and yes, playing games. This is about applying the same rules children have always had to follow: not allowing a device to isolate them, understanding that it is necessary to talk to family members, not allowing it to interfere with basic courtesy, and not checking emails and social network contacts every 30 seconds. This is surely a far better approach than saying: “You’ve got two hours.”
If you believe that your children understand computers and smartphones better than you do, and therefore, you have nothing to teach them, then you’re wrong. The only reason children are more comfortable with devices than their parents is that those parents haven’t bothered to take the time to understand those devices that are now an inseparable part of their children’s lives, and now theirs.
Refusing or not bothering to take an interest in your children’s world is counterproductive, even if understandable: it’s called the generation gap and has existed since the dawn of civilization. But do you want to lose your children’s respect, whether it’s over their devices or anything else? Without respect, it is very hard to bring a child up. If you want to do so properly, be interested in what they do to the point of exhaustion, ask for explanations and do not stop until you understand, strive to keep up to date with usage trends, and balance the importance of the other environment that conditions your children in addition to the family: the social networks.
The idea of punishing children by depriving them of their smartphone, as though it were some kind of toy, is in most cases, counterproductive, and reinforces the idea of ”my parents do not understand me” or: “they have no idea how the world works”. Our children have the same scale of values as we do, and this should come as no surprise.
Arbitrarily limiting our children’s screen time to one or two hours a day, as recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics has no influence over their wellbeing, nor guarantees they will grow up any wiser. Instead, it turns something perfectly normal and necessary in today’s world into a vice. Much of the concern about “misuse” of devices may be rooted in recognition by educational professionals that many parents use computers and smartphones as ways to shut their children up, to keep them amused… and then, after taking no interest in how they use them, those same parents suddenly swing to the other extreme, trying to police their children’s every move: that’s a surefire approach for creating problems. Children do not come with a how-to manual, but trying to follow instructions by another book does not help either. Let’s leave aside arbitrary and rigid rules, please, and instead use our common sense.
(En español, aquí)
