The technology addicts?
A survey in the United States reveals that 59 percent of parents say their teens are addicted to their smartphones. The news will come as no surprise to parents in other countries: kids who cannot be separated from their smartphone, who interrupt meals or conversations to answer calls or reply to text messages at any time of the day, wherever they are.
I’ve always believed that talking about this issue in terms of addiction is a massive overreaction. Jumping to conclusions about dependency or comparing technology to drugs is not the best way to approach a question that is simply about upbringing and changing social norms. Discussion about “detoxes” based on what the Chinese authorities supposedly practice, as though something needed curing, or comparing cybercafés to opium dens is just far-fetched and doesn’t help.
Until we understand that this is about changing social habits in a world being redefined by technology we’re not going to get very far. The simple truth is that teenagers who seem “hooked” on their smartphones simply haven’t been brought up properly. It is possible to have children who understand technology and enjoy using it and who are at the same time able to socialize: it’s not easy to achieve that balance, but it is possible. It’s simply a question of establishing limits and ground rules, just like we do with other issues in the lives of young adults.
According to the US survey, parents describe their children as addicts when they “check their smartphones at least once an hour and feel pressured to answer messages immediately.” Has it occurred to anybody to ask whether doing so is actually the normal thing to do in today’s hyperconnected world? Normal, not obligatory: something you do because you want to, not because you are obliged to do so. In other words, something you cannot do if you’re involved in something more important or interesting, or because you forget (and no, this isn’t the old “I can stop any time I want to” argument).
If we want to understand our children and why they do what they do, we need to understand the environment they live in, which exercises a big influence over their manners. If you ridicule your children for their behavior, you’re never going to get them to accept guidelines that distinguish between communication and entertainment. We have to accept that social norms change over time.
Take the smartwatch: it is now acceptable to look at your watch when talking to somebody because all you are going is checking incoming messages, not worrying that you’re going to be late for another appointment. Refusing to accept that norms change is to refuse to accept change. Educating your children is not about imposing your values at all costs. Perhaps we would do better to learn what our children are looking at on their smartphones than simply trying to impose rules that we wouldn’t accept ourselves.
If your teenage kids sit and stare at their smartphones during their weekly visit to their grandparents instead of talking to them, they’re not addicts; they simply haven’t been brought up properly and are displaying bad manners. And that’s down to you.
So let’s be clear about this: our children are not addicts; they simply belong to a generation that has been born into a permanently interconnected world and are used to being permanently connected. It’s pretty simply really. Do they need rules and guidelines? You bet they do, as with everything. But that doesn’t mean a detox. And if we think they do, it probably says more about us than them. So let’s try a little less condescension and a little more empathy and attention to their upbringing.
(En español, aquí)
