The Hanged Woman
A conversation between 8 voices in my head, written as a script, and performed as a one-woman monologue.
For my last Learning Marathon I asked the question ‘how can I design my business so it stops designed me?’
Even the order of the words in the question reflect the tension I was feeling: the business coming before me in my own pecking order.
So whilst I could have showcased work I’d done on the business such as strategies, purpose statements or a 3 year plan, it became very important not to do that; not to make a plan for how to have more time for myself, but just to have it. To demand it. And so ensued a tug of war between my different ‘selves’, which I began to capture as a scripted conversation, as if those different perspectives that have more or less influence over me were sat together, in the round, having a conversation.
I discovered that there was a rather a lot they wanted to say to one another!
I performed this script at our Showcase event, but I’m hoping to continue this conversation and write the next chapter… As soon as I can claim the space to do it :)
Hanged woman: I seek your counsel. So the question is how can I — I mean we — design this business so that it stops designing me — I meant us! Sorry — how can we design this business so that it stops designing us?
Investor: OK, tell us, what’s this all about?
Baby John: Talk to us, how are you feeling?
Hanged woman: I think a big part of that question is how we move forward, together, as a team? When we each have our own idea about what it is we’re doing, it’s hard for me to move us forward with any kind of focus. I want to balance all your needs, give a voice to all of you. But equally, I wonder whether to achieve our potential we need to collaborate, harmonise, and integrate… That way we can have one coherent external expression of who we are!
Perhaps I act too much on my desire to please you all. Maybe the truth is that I’m just a ‘pleaser’, lacking in precision and drive. I don’t think that’s how others see me, but maybe that’s the truth. I do it out there in the real world and I do it here on the inside with you guys too. It’s just that I like always to be loyal. I like to be dependable. When I say I will do something I like to do it. No, I must do it! It’s of great importance to me that others can trust me.
Clown: So, er, this might be a bit awkward but actually I don’t find that you always please me. In fact you consistently promise me things that you don’t deliver. And to be honest, I don’t think I’m the only one here that feels this way. Sorry to drop you in it, but I’ve opened the can of worms now… Who here actually feels that the hanged woman delivers on her promises?
Baby John: Don’t you think you’re being a bit too harsh? This is a tough gig. You deliver on the big things that really matter. That’s what’s important. You’re not brilliant at admin, but you’re only human. You need to care more for yourself, that’s the only way to truly care for the rest of us. You don’t eat right. You don’t make proper use of that nutribullet. And a cheese sandwich is not what you should be eating for lunch everyday. Promise me you’ll eat better?
And Brian, you need to let her eat better. Let her stop thinking and stop working. You’re so greedy and distracting! You’re the true culprit behind all this confusion.
Brian: That is simply not true! Look. Each of us must take responsibility for our own actions. All I do is make suggestions. How about we do this? Or, how about we do that? Or, don’t stop now, we’re just getting started. I’m never forceful, it’s up to her if she wants to listen to me or not. And I have to say, it seems like she likes listening to me. [Raises hands] Sorry!
Baby John: Oh you always have an answer for everything! Don’t you! You’re impossible to talk to. You can’t take any criticism without twisting it.
Mother Earth: I think I have to interject here and say that I don’t think this question really concerns me. It is famously difficult to keep promises that are made to me. There isn’t a human being throughout history that hasn’t struggled with that, so it doesn’t feel fair for me to answer. I always appreciate good intentions, despite how unfulfilled they often are. There are so many out there right now, still, that are entirely unaware that they have any impact on me whatsoever. So I seek solace with those that are awakened, and I feel their pain when they wish they could do more for me. Every time someone takes a tote bag to Sainsburys instead of buying plastic bags — I smile.
Social entrepreneur: Well I think, building on what Mother Earth has said, that your intentions are well placed, and you’re trying. But you let yourself be distracted by so many people, all of us, and more, so it’s no wonder you’re failing some of us. You must remember what your purpose is. It is the responsibility of all of us to be making productive use of our time in the name of positive social impact. We must submerge our own needs for the good of the collective.
Brian: [turns head slowly toward social leader] You are laughable, you’re an absolute joke! You talk about social impact, in a most earnest manner, I’ll give you that, but anyone can see how thinly veiled you really are. ‘For the good of the collective’, for the good of you more like. The only reason you want to create ‘positive impact’ is so that you can feel powerful without feeling bad about it.
Sheikh: Remember, remember! [raising hands] A principle of utmost importance: ‘In concealing the faults of others — be like night!’
Social leader: [shakes head, hurt] You’re so bitter Brian. I’m just a good, smart person, trying to make the world a better place!
Hanged Woman: Yeah, Brian, pipe down, there are worse things than trying to change the world…
Mother Earth: LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!!! [cutting across everyone else] Will you please stop talking about me as if I’m not RIGHT HERE. What is it about me that you would like to change exactly?! Would somebody remind me why it is I who should change and not ALL OF YOU! Listen to yourselves!
Investor: Is this all not just a bit self-indulgent? Are we not here ultimately to achieve success? Should we not be aligning ourselves, so that this business might succeed, so that this ship we’re building might sail?
Hanged woman: Ok, so success. What is success? I think we start with the purpose. Why do we exist? What are we trying to achieve? Why does the business exist? What are we even doing here?
Clown: [makes snoring noise] boooorrinnng!
Hanged woman: Sheikh, you’ve been very quiet. I’d been hoping.. That you might be able to help us with all of this?
Sheikh: [sighs and nods] What I will say is this. Can one flourish whilst the others suffer? There is a fellowship. I ask you, is there but one star in the sky? No! There are countless stars. And the dark spaces that separate them is our own separateness in consciousness. But are we ever truly separate? Why do we feel such separateness here. Is it not a reflection of seperation we feel — out there? A growing imbalance between man’s outward power and his inner weakness. Perhaps the time is now to prepare the Second Ark…
Hanged woman: [nodding] hmmmmmmm…. mmmmmmm
Investor: Look, can we please, PLEASE just stick to what is tangible for the sake of this conversation.
Mother Earth: You should listen to your Sheikh, always.
Hanged woman: [nodding] mmmmm. Sheikh, please speak more of this Second Ark, what do you speak of?
Sheikh: So, as you will know, I am fond of encouraging others to think, using metaphor and narrative, symbolism. What good would it be if I were just to tell you the answer, eh? Well, let us say that we might take refuge from the separateness of the body, and of the mind, and of the world beyond, within the Ark of the Soul. And you might do well to remember that only when you start on the path of the question, will the path appear.
END.
- Script developed and performance developed as part of my third Learning Marathon.
- Photo credits go to the wonderful Edith Whitehead.
