private note
God is playing my favorite soundtrack — it’s raining!
Don’t you love the sound of water hitting the window and running down the walls? And the view is also the best. The whole gloomy aesthetic with a slightly blurry dark sky makes me want to live forever in days like this.
Maybe for you I’m overreacting (“it’s just rain”), but for me it’s the perfect time to turn off the lights, put a blanket over me and drink hot coffee. A perfect scenery to develop my writing skills.
And yet… I’m wasting my time and my little writing talent to talk about you. Again. In my phone notes. Like a private conversation between me and myself. Since we’ll never see each other again, I think it’s fair to do so.
I see no reason to forget the past, because everything we go through makes us who we are. I read once that we are made of every piece of history we’ve made, even the worst ones — like ours. I wouldn’t be me without those days where we used to talk; I mean, not this version, at least.
I guess I like who I am now. Maybe this depressive vibe emanating from me means I’ve grown up. I feel like a real adult. Mature, having not too much fun, some bills, being short of money and feeling an urgent need for therapy.
Just to be clear, I’m over you. Although I’m not so over the mental issues that were created while we were almost together.
Anyway… rainy days are great! The hazy sky is happier than the shiny days I spent talking to you. The reason I still write about you is because it’s free therapy. It´s not only my heart that broke… check my bank account. Lucky for me this is a private note. Me, myself and some yous in the deep side of my mind.
You know… I can’t trust easily anymore; I can’t fall for guys other than fictional ones. I’m as broken as the little raindrops outside my window.
That’s why I wish only shiny days to you and rainy days to me. I wish the comfort of a good sound and cozy weather for myself. But for you… I wish you s-u-n-b-u-r-n!
This dark aesthetic definitely suits me well, don’t you think so?
