What do I wanna be when I grow up?
For the last couple of months I have been telling people I am on a journey to “Decide what I wanna be when I grow up by the end of October.” Well it’s the end of October, and…. I thought I should share what I have learnt. The first thing I have learnt is to listen to my own advice, which I have shared with many people, in the form of this quote:
“…..have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.” Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903 in Letters to a Young Poet
So rather than writing a blog post on my “answer”, I thought I would share all the things that are unresolved, all the questions that emerged through asking this initial question and perhaps through this process, as Rilke suggests, I’ll live into growing up and be that which I need to be without even noticing it.
A journey of discovery
I make sense through conversations with another and through conversations with myself. So this three month journey has been about consciously creating moments of conversation. This has included:
- Feedback Feast — blog to come… aye Derek…
- Changemakers retreat — times of deep dialogue in the Southern Alps
- Festival for the Future — seeing and experiencing the questions of 400 young people
- Family time in Melbourne
- Conference time in San Francisco (SOCAP and Bioneers)
- Family time in Vancouver
- And many one on one conversations.
In all of these spaces I have been asking for feedback, reflections, ideas and thoughts about what people see in me. I love the phrase “We grow in the direction of the questions we ask” and I feel like this could not be more true. I have grown in the direction of growing up. And through that have gained so much more clarity on what my “World Work” is.
World Work: Work with a capital W
A lot of my growing up journey has been finding my identity within my work and distinguishing the difference between wage work and World Work. I use a little w when I think about the work we do to pay rent — often the work that we’re rewarded for financially. Whereas the Work with a capital W is our task, is our calling, or whatever language you wish to use. At Enspiral we try and bring these two together as much as possible.
I have settled on feeling that my World Work is: “To increase human capacity to embrace an uncertain future.”
Perhaps you could also call this my ‘Theory of Change’ — though I am in a constant exploration of implementation strategies…. I’m interested how we create spaces and places for people to grow into the job titles of the future that have not been written yet — most recently I have done this through hosting programmes and conferences, and empowering people to create their own classes. Thus the core Enspiral vision “more people working on stuff that matters” really resonates with me.
He aha te mea nui i te ao? He tāngata, he tāngata, he tāngata
What is the most important thing in the world? It is the people, it is the people, it is the people.
My challenge in this space is that my World Work does not always manifest itself in business plans or conferences — tangible things — yet that is the thing I so often measure. Instead my work manifests itself in conversations and emails, walks and meetings — prioritising people… When the most important thing is the people — it is easy to forget that the people IS the work and not just the output.
Additionally I am not a patient person. I can get frustrated very quickly when I don’t feel like things are moving forward. And yet I have found myself growing into work that does not move in a linear fashion. A conversation planted now, may only fruit in the next season.
Time: Nature time and clock time
Much of this questioning has been triggered by passing through the big three-zero. I lived my 20’s in adventureland. Where I put purpose and adventure as the forefront of all decisions and if I look back I also did not really make any decisions. I went with the flow of opportunity. This saw me disappear halfway through University and teach sailing in Maine. It saw me pick up the management of Commonsense Organics the day after my last exam. Book a flight to Benin and only realise afterwards that they speak French there. Go to a youth conference in Switzerland where I met awesome humans and thus stick around for three years. I visited many lands and many people during my 20’s and feel like that laid a strong understanding of the world and a strong foundation within myself in order to now do my real World Work.
Now I am exploring my 30’s and I’m keen to really embrace this age and see what is different in this time. How do I grow into my 30’s? For the first time in my life I am considering intentional and pragmatic decisions with three additional lenses:
- Relationships
- Money
- Career
Perhaps that’s the magic of moving from your 20’s and 30’s — moving from unconscious flow into conscious deliberation?
The emerging path of commitment
I’m a poems and quotes person — I have often shared different ones at different times with friends and colleagues at crossroads. So now I want to drink my own medicine and gift myself two of my favourite poems.
“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.” Robert Frost
I read into this a reminder to not complain about the uncertainty of the road less travelled. There is no one to complain to — there is no boss to confirm your Work. Confirmation needs to come from an inner source. The road less travelled needs to be personally defined, and that’s what makes all the difference.
Additionally Robert Frost wrote this poem from the individual perspective: “I took”. There is no one to blame for the paths we take, it is an individual personal choice and commitment, which leads me to second poem I will gift myself.
“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back — Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.” Goethe
There are so many layers to this poem — but I am gifting it on the recognition of needing to commit to something and through that find the magic. In the land of opportunity (which Enspiral can feel like) the most urgent thing is front of you can feel like the most important thing. And suddenly without knowing it — three years have passed you by in a wave of seemingly urgent world changing work. I think the magic of this poem unleashes itself when one truly acknowledges the impact of commitment and consciously makes it.
How do I wanna be when I grow up?
All of this has lead me to come full circle. To come back to the question and realise it is not about the ‘what’, it is about the ‘how’.
Perhaps that seems obvious — but I think if we are all clear on our hows and what our personal theory of change is, then the true World Work becomes so much more clear and central. It really doesn’t matter if I am working with young people in Benin, in Sweden, or in New Zealand. Choosing to step with commitment into a road less travelled — feels like the ultimate act of growing up.
Thanks to the following who I have had convos with over the last three months: Alex, Tania, Alanna, Chelsea, Ants, Mix, Josh, Billy, Kate, Bart, Dan, Sam, Rebeka, Katie, John, Rose and so many more……
