When You Let Someone Talk
Recently I was listening to somebody tell me a story, and while they were talking I had an epiphany and started smiling like an idiot.
Over the past month I have been interviewing individuals about moments of change in their lives; their inspirations, their failures, and their futures.
I use the word ‘interview’ loosely.
When I sit down with the interviewee, I press ‘record’ on the audio recording device and invite them to start talking about whatever they like. Sometimes, I have found that they start with the present. Then they work backwards toward to some moment of change that they consider pivotal to their life experience. By talking about their past experiences, the interviewee then returns to their present situation.
Every now and again, something will compel me to enquire further about a particular aspect of the person’s story.
We both embark on a journey of exploration
I, as the listener, am getting to ride a magic carpet through time and learn things about someone — often a stranger — that I may never have engaged with otherwise. They, the speaker, have the opportunity to explore themselves and their histories.
Through the process of the storyteller talking like this, as the listener I am exploring things as well.
Interviewing is about building a high-trust environment quickly to make the journey smooth. I need to make sure the storyteller feels safe, and that I feel safe. It’s also about being vulnerable and open to whatever I might be told, and about keeping check on myself. I can get incredibly worn-down and often need a hug from a friend in the hours following the interview — such is the level of energy I put into listening.
Everyone needs to tell their story
There’s something so powerful about sitting down with someone and letting them talk for an hour about their story. Allowing someone to talk about what they love to do, how they have changed and grown. I get such a kick out of this.
I feel this each time I sit down to an interview. During one interview I almost cried over a story of someone trying to decide what their favourite breakfast food was. It was because the person just couldn’t answer the question. I learned that they couldn’t have the one thing that they desired: kranskys and avocado on toast. Now a vegetarian, they subsist on porridge.
Silently listen, silently learn
As I am listening, I tune into what someone is saying, and read between the lines. I think, ‘oh you said that, and then you said that, does that mean this? I’m going to test this idea out and ask you that thing, and see where it goes’.
I’ve learned to not interrupt. I’ve been really teaching myself to be totally silent, not even a ‘hmmmm’. I do have my lapses, it’s a habit of mine. I have learned not to fill silence, and instead let them process what is going to come out and break the silence themselves.
I’ve been told that it is weird, talking for an hour, it feels selfish.
To which I now reply, it’s the art of letting someone talk.
