To Experience LIGHT, We Must Know the DARK

Roshan Bhondekar
Apr 4, 2018 · 10 min read

We wouldn’t know ‘good’ if we weren’t exposed to ‘bad’.

Everyone is familiar with control freaks or micromanagers. They feel that the only way to get something done is to do it themselves, which leaves their employees extremely unhappy and their own schedules dramatically overfilled.

Picture courtesy — TheAtlantic

Then there’s the problem that results from their inability to properly train and delegate. Notice, I didn’t say dump; there’s a major difference. This is why their calendars are so mind-fumblingly busy that they can barely function and feel the need to have their hands in every single project or process. They talk but don’t listen. It’s common knowledge that people love talking about themselves. Furthermore, Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People explains the importance of getting people to talk about themselves, particularly in a sales setting.

But the big-ego types tend to turn each and every conversation into a story about themselves. They may even go a step further and turn their story into one that is clearly better than yours. Their sense of ego makes them incapable of listening, which is bad in the office — especially in a sales setting where success is largely built from one’s ability to listen and understand, not simply respond.

Let’s be clear; there is a difference between being confident and being overly egotistical. Do you want a hint about how to avoid entering that territory? Keep in mind one simple word that can keep your ego in check: humility. It really is the perfect solution for every occasion. As described, EGO can create explosion and kill your role in life. In short our role is a key element while considering inappropriate ‘ego’ as input.

Diagram A: Role Matrix

As described in diagram A — Value of Personal /Social life is completely based on role, which we are performing daily while considering ego as input.

Depending on who you talk to, the ego is defined in different ways. One point of view says that ego is no good and another says that ego is part of our human experience. Is ego necessary? What are we to think? One of these views is expressed in quite a few spiritual circles. They say we must get rid of the ego. This particular view of the ego sees the ego as an enemy, as a part of the self to shun. Perhaps this perspective is seeing the ego as similar to the definition of egotism as defined in Webster’s Dictionary as “a constant excessive reference to the self; conceit; selfishness.” It would include an “inflated feeling of pride or a reaction of superiority to others.” Some would say this kind of person is egotistical. Psychologically the ego is not usually thought about in this way. According to psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud, the ego is an aspect of personality of a human being. It mediates the demands of the other aspects of the personality called the id and the superego. The ego is the part of us that prevents us from acting on our basic urges or more primitive instincts that flow from the id and also works to achieve a balance with our moral and idealistic standards, coming from the superego. It is considered to be connected to the conscious as well as the unconscious parts of our psyche.

Could the ego be a mediator and conduit for who we are in our physical form in this life?

To take this a bit further, the ego could be thought of as a representative of our eternal self and together with our body, houses our soul. This interpretation of the ego is in a sense the self being aware of this self. It is the conscious sense of “who” we are right now and our identity as an individual. In its healed form, it can relax and allow our deeper self to sing the song that only we came to sing. It can be our self-expression of a much larger unified context.

As our life mediator, the ego learned all it knows from our cultures, families and communities. Understanding and working with the ego as a part of this life’s conditioning is a helpful framework to hold around this part of us. Seeing the ego in its rightful place is one way to help us live in the largest context of God Consciousness, the Universe or whatever you call the deepest/highest Reality.

Ego’s greatest fear is death of itself. Mankind experiences this fear by its own fear of physical death. Atheists probably fear this the most as they have no afterlife to place their ego. They will fight and fear death till the very end. A person who is self-realized knows that there is no death.

All that you accumulate is a reflection of your ego. Your car, house, clothing, and even your mate and children are a statement to this. You might wonder at why a child would be a reflection of your ego, but I can’t count the times I’ve heard both men and women say, “I need to have a child to carry on my name.” — Or more often, to carry on their identity in some form. Adoption is rarely as palatable as a person’s own child because it is not theirs, and if they do adopt, they often want it to be like them in terms of ethnicity. Of course, then there are those that have managed their egos and don’t care about that and just want to give a good life to a child.

The Ego, because ego’s greatest fear is its own death, keeps a fanatical vigilance over its survival. Try and remove your ego, and you will have started a war.

What does ego do for us? Well, one of the things it does is rob us of a life of peace, bliss and wholeness. If we do not understand ego and let it run our lives, then we have bought into separation, division, and duality. In essence, we do not live in wholeness because we want what is “good” but not what is “bad.” We don’t want ALL of life; we want PART of life! This will guarantee your misery!

Energy simply exists and there is no good and there is no bad, just ego labelling your experiences. As long as we are fighting evil’s battle over “good and evil” then we will still be fighting. An example of this is when you feel hurt because someone insulted you. This is ego. Feel great with praise? This is ego. A managed ego state (or ego less state) is free from emotional attachment and reaction from the judgment of others. When ego is attacked or hurt, it does what ego does: fights and hurts back for ego is not love, it is separation.

So how is this partial living made evident?

One is when we hate our fellow man. To hate is to separate. And despite the following quote: “But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despite fully use you, and persecute you.” Matthew 5:44 people go on hating (including the members of every religion on this planet!). If you are truly one with all and see through the illusion of ego, then to hate your neighbour is to hate yourself. Rejecting your fellow man is rejecting yourself. Love the neighbour, and you love yourself.

Another fact made evident about ego, is the process of limiting. Words are limiting; emotions are limiting for you are blocked and biased. This is why one of the methods of meditation is to focus on nothingness, because nothingness is really everything-ness. Words limit. As soon as we form a thought, we have limited ourselves. This does not mean don’t think or feel, just know that when you do, you are only seeing, feeling, and experiencing part of the whole.

When you run from the whole and chase the parts, you start to create blocks. If I chase good and block bad, I start to create a fear that bad will occur. The judgment of bad is again ego’s labelling. I’ll give you an example of this blocking. As a child grows up, its ego starts to develop. The powerful presence in its life is its parents. If a parent does something (or even the lack of doing something such as giving love) this causes the young person’s ego to react, causing pain. This does not feel good so they start to suppress the inward flow of this emotion, or in some instances, they overreact for the rest of their lives, resulting in the millions of obsessive, compulsive, neurotic, anxious, phobic and suicidal people on this planet! They block their chakras, grow ill and eventually perish.


Accept the illusion of ego by knowing that we all have it as something to deal with, and that we chose to take on ego because in one way, it serves a valuable purpose. We chose separation to experience the process of becoming whole again. In other words, if God is All That Is, why did it create the illusion of what it is not? It did it to experience itself through “separation and reunification.” But to create something that is not part of all That is, is impossible, so all that we are left with is a series of illusions. So our ego is the illusion of separation so that we can experience the joy of becoming whole again.

The misery is when we don’t see this illusion and let the illusion dictate our existence.


Once you acknowledge, understand, and accept ego, you can start to manage it, and eventually be free of it. Because ego’s greatest fear is the death of itself, we cannot “attack it head on.” We have to be subtler in our approach of ego. It also does no good to suppress it, for suppression is not resolution.

How I personally deal with my ego state is to become friends with it. When I feel something that makes my ego react (an insult for example), I allow that feeling to come to the surface (non suppression). I analyse the triggers that then fire off in my brain (adrenaline, fear, etc.) and then I reprogram it with new emotions (love, laughter, and compassion). I allow the initial ego feelings to pass, and then I bring warmth and gratitude to the situation. I either thank the person for giving me this opportunity to grow, or I send them compassion for showing me that they are the pain in me and I am the pain in them. If they attack me, there is hurt in them, if I react, and then there is pain in me. Healing is required of us both.

I really try and look at an attacking person as an aspect of me (wholeness). They are merely suffering individuals. This does not require my retribution, but my love. This is very hard to do though as long as ego is present, but it is doable. This is a lifelong endeavour. It starts with acknowledgement, lives through understanding and acceptance, and finds resolution in love.

Know that your ego is every bit as abusive as another damaging individual.

If you have a ‘fight with yourself ’ you’re trying to justify yourself to your ego and convince it you aren’t this person, you don’t have these fears, you don’t have doubts and you really are capable. Your ego loves this because it will trick you into thinking that you can win the argument, that you can convince it and resolve the issue, and that you’ll receive peace after having this struggle with yourself.

This is so untrue!

Your ego will keep coming back at you again and again, and just like any abusive person who simply won’t get it, wants to project fears and doubts, and not find peace within. The argument will continue to resurface and never be healed.

Think about this — how exhausting is it trying to argue and justify yourself with a person who is continually abusing you? If you don’t disconnect and get away from them, you eventually give in and start agreeing with their version of you just to get some peace.

Inevitably if you keep hooking into your ego you’ll end up doing the same thing. Eventually you’ll be so worn down that you’ll accept and agree with the inner dialogue of ‘I’m worthless and a failure’.

This is what depression is…

Society’s concept of ‘ego’ has often been recognition of arrogant and bombastic behaviour. How many people realise this constructed false self is a cover-up for the painful torturous thoughts and feelings of unworthiness that the world doesn’t see?

Be very clear that the ego is also responsible for people who display insipid and power-less behaviour. The ego creates all ‘less than’ human behaviour. Your ego is your greatest problem in life. There truly is no fight going on outside of you. The only enemy is within.

Ego — the Ultimate Self- disruption

Our ego is the part of our personality that loves manufacturing ‘less than’ experiences. Our ego feeds on fear, doubt and pain. The more we attach ourselves to our ego thoughts, the further we move away from our soul truth.

Be very clear — your ego is not the real you!

It is the polar opposite of who you really are, but it is not you’re True Self.

Our ‘dark side’ is ego. Our ‘light side’ is True Self. We can only manifest love, happiness and success when we are operating from our True Self. We will always manifest recurring pain from our false self.

To Experience ‘Light’ We Must Know the ‘Dark’

Of course we have to know darkness in order to know the Light, and it is only through conquering the darkness (fear) that we can move into the Light. The entire physical plane consists of polar opposites: good/bad, hot/cold, up/ down and so on. We wouldn’t know ‘good’ if we weren’t exposed to ‘bad’.

When we understand that our ego is a false self, we need to know how to get out of the darkness and stay out as much as possible. Simply knowing our ‘dark side’ (false self) exists is enough to grant us comparison and choice. We do not need to live this reality directly in order to choose a loving and happy state. The more you subdue and dissolve your ego, the freer you are to experience a wonderful life.

Envision Film Studio

Social Stories, Films, Interviews and much more

Roshan Bhondekar

Written by

Indian-born Spanish author, columnist and film writer cum director of award winning short films ● Google 👉

Envision Film Studio

Social Stories, Films, Interviews and much more

More From Medium

Top on Medium

Top on Medium

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade