Culture of Abuse in India

I was talking to my childhood friend CJ yesterday. I had lost touch with her for like ten years and we got back in touch four years ago. I felt that I owed it to her to explain what I hadn’t been able to in all those years back when we were teenagers. I told her about my childhood sexual abuse and she was shocked and also wasn’t because she fit all those patterns with things I said and things I couldn’t say. In some ways, she cannot understand how it affects me and I am grateful for that.

Yesterday we talked about another of our classmates MD who was a close friend of hers, someone I pushed away because of my jealousy and insecurity, things I am not proud of. Turns out when we were in school for 3–4 years, MD’s dad beat her black and blue, so much so that now she doesn’t have hearing in one of her ears because of the physical injury. We talked about how she still hasn’t healed and continues to struggle with depression because of her traumatic young life.

CJ and I talked some more of how our lives are f*cked up. She told me why she was always so meek and submissive in her house and let them bully her — her father hit the elder sister and she saw it and she learnt submissiveness is key to self-preservation. Un.be.li.ev.able. Every time in her life she was afraid to change her path because she was so accustomed to just complying to external influences. She couldn’t learn to make her own decisions.

We wondered why we have the looming shadows of an abusive past. And all I could say was that, in my opinion, it was a result of the social and culture fabric we grew up in and shared in a small town in India. The place was perfect for all the less successful educated and seemingly idealistic people our parents were. It indicated they were weak and frustrated and it manifested itself in all kinds of abuse and neglect.

I am glad my friends and I are no longer there and were able to get out, away from the toxicity. I hope we can all make great advances on our healing journeys and support each other.

❤ to all those who struggle with making themselves whole. You’re not alone.