Singapore has been touted by many to be a foodie paradise. Local delicacies such as the chili crab, Hainanese chicken rice, satay, Char Kway Teow have not only captured the palates of the locals but have also made their way to garner multiple accolades at the international culinary scene.
I cannot deny that the island state has proven its worth in the culinary world and I am much a beneficiary from the abundance of delectable food that often laced my dining table. Yet, my mental model of the act and intent of eating and the food that I choose to put into my mouth is pretty complex to many; to the point of unfathomable for some. ‘You are what you eat’, this statement sounds so cliche; yet, it’s so true. Growing up in a lower-middle class family, I honestly never really put much thoughts into the types of food and how food has been prepared but more on the accessibility of food. Meal times were rigidly fixed and my younger brother and I more or less have the same types of food everyday. I suspect because I am a Hakka and hence, I was exposed to greasy food with high sodium content such as pork belly stew, sesame oil chicken and some other exotic food such as fermented rice wine chicken stew, which I hardly can find today in mass market restaurants. Fortunately, I didn’t balloon in size despite living by the diet partly because my family wasn’t very well-to-do back then and hence, the array of rich and fatty food wasn’t a regular fixture at meal times! Due to the financial strain, my younger brother and I also did not have the luxury of zipping through McDonald’s on a regular basis. My only memory was on my younger brother chomping away on packets of French fries if we ever did get the chance to pop by the fast food chain.
Regrettably, I fell prey to the alluring taste of fried chicken and Char Kway Teow as I transitioned into adolescence. I mean, people around me kept assuring that I was under a puberty ‘spurt’ (or ‘spell’ I guess…) and hence, it was perfectly reasonable to go on a eating spree. It didn’t help when my peers were like me and we ended up reinforcing one another’s meal choices. After school, we will hang out at KFC and the three-piece chicken meal complete with fries and a cola was the highlight to an otherwise, dull day of mugging hard in school. We ravenously downed our food, eating and laughing away heartily. Even though we were pubescent girls; but none of us has had the slightest concern over bulging waistlines. Thinking back, perhaps our enormous appetite could be attributed to the high intensity of physical activities that we were involved in.
My weight dipped almost by a quarter and I was visibly skinnier in appearance as I began my first year in the university. I couldn’t quite recalled the cause of the drop in weight but I was quite certain there wasn’t any eventful occurrence that hit nor was I on a deliberate weight loss scheme. Regardless, I rode on the ‘newfound body’ and focussed on maintaining if not, bringing down my weight further. Naturally, my food choices changed. The food options were narrowed. My meal times were disrupted as I have to munch on morsels of food quite frequently. Interestingly, I developed an unhealthy conception about my food choices which I can’t really shake it off even until today. Neurotically, I have convinced myself that it’s ok to have junk food BUT in small quantities. From then on, I like to indulge myself in rich fondant cakes, desserts and chocolates and I can have them as a main course. We’ve heard many cases where “victims” who are on this kind of diet developing “conflicting emotions of guilt and pleasure” where they feel immense guilt after partaking in an impulsive moment to indulge themselves in junk food. But oddly, I don’t have that feeling when it comes to having sweet stuff but I do when I attempt to have savoury food. Nutritionally, both are equally “devilish” in delivering the same detrimental effect on my health and waistline, but somehow, I managed to sub-consciously “switch off” and be more “magnanimous” to my sweet little friends.
And I am very selective about the desserts that I will eat. Only quintessentially English or French pastries, cakes, tarts and the likes make it to my gourmet list. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a spoilt brat but there’s this unexplainable charm about beautifully crafted pastries with quality ingredients that captivates me. Of course, it’s impossible to get an endless supply of such food on a regular basis and what’s my next best alternative? Enter the American coffee culture. Everyone around me knows exactly where to get food for me and this is so fool proof that I always thought that I’m a simple person who’s not picky with food. BUT, everyone else thinks otherwise. No matter where I am, in Singapore, in Cambodia, in Taipei, in London, in Shang Hai, meals are never a problem to me because of STARBUCKS. The first meal I have whenever I arrived at a foreign land is to make a beeline to the nearest Starbucks outlet that’s near to my hotel. It’s more than the food and coffee that I craved for; it’s more of a sense of familiarity and comfort from the food and coffee they served to the interior deco and to the way the order system operates. There is consistency and this consistency is so important to me especially when you are in a foreign land. You don’t have to figure out the food to order and if it suits your taste; you don’t have to figure out how to place and order and where to collect your food. You might think that what I’ve brought up are of little concern, but imagine this if you are in a place where you can’t communicate in their native language. The “autopilot” mode helps!
I’m not sure about you but I do appreciate a ‘modular’ concept adopted by food vendors, allowing customers to customise their food. This is sorely lacking in Asian cuisine and I think this is partly why I tend to avoid especially, Chinese cooked food (except for economic rice). The ability and freedom for customers to choose and customise what they need and how much they need is important but often overlooked. I think it doesn’t make economical sense to offer a spread of ingredients and to enlist manpower to prepare customised options on the spot. That’s why I have to pay a premium for ‘freedom’. I really don’t know if this has something to do with cultural constructs or it’s purely driven by the economics. I’ve been to a couple or places in Australia e.g. Perth, Melbourne and you know what? I am really impressed by the sense of ‘inclusivity’ that the Aussies have even demonstrated through the making of food choices. The point that I want to make goes beyond just the carnal desire to have the combination of ingredients, sauces in order to fulfil your palate or to keep within a caloric limit. This speaks volumes on the civic progression of a society manifested through the simple act of rightfully, putting decision-making and responsibility back to the consumer. It’s not about allowing customers to add, subtract or substitute the sauces, protein, the greens like doing a mix-and-match in a salad bowl. It’s also about offering dietary choices like vegan-only, gluten-free options, oat or soy milk alternatives etc.
One may argue that as consumers, we can simply just discard away the stuff that we don’t like such as removing the bacons when we just really need the eggs. Yet, it just doesn’t seems right for someone else to stuff something down your throat when you don’t even want it in the first place but because everything comes in a package and the act of discarding away or omitting the stuff that we don’t want, is deferred to us. Often, I also get the feeling that I need to be “throwing the baby out together with the bath” because they can’t remove the bratwurst sausages from the all-day breakfast platter. It is also really frustrating when you have to frantically search for the seafood or vegetarian version of the Korean soup which they only offer with beef, chicken or pork. And usually, I end up walking out of the eatery.
The frustrations really get to me and I end up spending a good 30 to 45 minutes scrolling through the food delivery options. Eventually, I gave up by adhering to getting the same old food because I so decided that I have enough exhausting my time and energy scouring the endless list of food items that doesn’t fit my bill anyway. You’ve guessed it right by now if you are thinking that I am definitely a very bad dinner date. To be fair, I’m not a total atheist too. I can still somehow get to order something reasonable enough to fill my tummy and often, the eateries (especially the western cafes) are quite accommodating to my request to customise my meal. Yet, there is still this awkwardness amongst the rest when they somehow feel that they are obliged or responsible for your ‘diminished enjoyment’ of food when they think that you have been “short changed” to having only a limited set of food options from the menu. Next, some of the eateries can’t really do a ‘professional” customisation of a meal, meaning, they either compromise the quantity or somehow, the meal doesn’t really look aesthetically appealing after customisation.
If you managed to keep your cool and read the article up to this point without judging me. I thank you for your patience and trust that I am not a spoilt brat. Some people around me think that I am. I guess culturally, no one expected my constant struggle with food choices. The accepted rhetoric is to just eat and not to complain or comment. And if you limit your food intake or choose to substitute certain dietary components in you food, some of them think that you are either not counting your blessings or you are just trying to be problematic. I don’t think this is a laughing matter or anything that is of insignificance as it can potentially cause strife amongst relationships and constant struggles within yourself because half the times you are wondering if there’s something wrong with you or with others when it comes to eating. Then I have people chiding me with sarcasm that I’m just circling around in a ‘first world’ problem and that I will for sure, snap out of this ‘little struggle’ of mine during war time. True. I agree, because beggars can’t be choosers by then.
The most drastic shift to my food preferences occurred after my second trip to Perth. During my short stay, I literally fell head over heels with the rustic breakfasts with creamy organic farm eggs and fresh avocado on toasts and I also opted for vegan meals a couple of instances and oh man, they tasted great! It was a pivotal experience for me as who would even think that vegan food is tasty? So, after coming back, I never looked back on dropping meat (except for seafood) from my diet. Again, this decision ruffled some feathers, without fail. My friends and family members around be couldn’t quite fathom the life-changing moment. Some even thought I caught up with some brahmins during the trip! Almost everyone gave that disbelief-yet-trying-to-be-supportive look. Again, meal times became ever more awkward and of course, the strife intensified. I would make my own pumpkin puree, smashed my own avocado and pair them with loads of berries for lunch. There was a period where I would religiously swear by my good ‘ol overnight oats with almond milk, acai powder and mixed nuts for lunch and I was as happy as a lark! Without fail, there will always be some suspecting folks who came by to ask if I was on a crazy weight loss regime. Hell no! I just felt exceptionally ‘clean’ with my diet.
I’ve been reflecting about the evolution of my food choices and I bet I can write a lot more on this topic. My love-hate relationship with food goes way beyond the culinary sense. There are certainly, many threads or factors that has played and will continue to play a complex but important part in influencing my relationship with food. I can easily highlight a couple of them — cultural factors, social factors, my ethnicity, level of affluence and the last attribute which I find it tough to articulate. There are very strong mental associations I formed between certain types of food and the specific concepts, phenomenon, ideals, social constructs etc. Just to give an example here — I have this unwavering view about associating meat, especially red meats with the temperament and psyche of men; and broadly, with the patriarchal system which seems to be quite an abhorrence to me. I don’t know how I could ever have possibly conceived such a contrive idea and worst, convinced myself totally to abstain from meat altogether. I suspect that the seed was first insidiously planted in me during my trip to Perth. The next reinforcement came when I watched the “Game Changer”, a documentary released on Netflix which focussed on how athletes successfully switched to plant-based diet. Then, I got hooked on. I went to the library and to the indie bookstores in search of commentaries or books written on the socio-cultural aspects on food and its relationship with people, various classes of people. And yes, what I’ve read further concretised and affirmed the idea that I have had about food and what it means to me.
I hope I’ll be able to share in greater details about what exactly goes on in my mind with regard to how I wrestle with my food choices day in and day out, against the socio-cultural backdrops. There are at least 1001 decision factors plotted on a super complex matrix that goes on in my head whenever it’s meal time. Not kidding you. I hope I’m not the only one who seems to be sucked into this immortal battle. I’m still trying to reframe my relationship with food to see a better light to things. I really hope that someone who’s somewhere out there will somehow identify with what I have been talking about. Alright, time to sign off before my tummy rumbles for FOOD.
