Architectural Drawings for Men
“Men cannot change if there are no blueprints for change” — bell hooks
I share Alex McElroy’s dismay that some men are using vulnerability as a tool for manipulating others as stated in their New York Times Op-Ed (January 13, 2022). I also agree that men must get in touch with their emotions to undo the harm of the dominance-based culture of masculinity that is conditioned into us.
I do not believe, however, that these two steps alone will “shift our expectations of manhood” in any systematic way. These are just the opening moves in a much more comprehensive undertaking.
Reframing masculinity is a multivariate challenge that requires serious work across multiple, dimensions of our being: the shame that we are taught to attach to our bodies from a very early age; the way in which the “feminine” aspects of our personalities is conditioned out of us, destroying some of the very capacities that we need to become whole; the shut-down of heart-centered communication as we strengthen our “rational” capacities at the expense of all others; the narrow range of sexual identity that men are expected to perform, despite the increasing research indicating that a range of sexualities is normal among men; the rediscovery of the language consensual touch, and its impact on our physical, emotional, and mental health; the requirement that we redefine our…
