Excerpts from The MAGA Bible
Available on the White House website, at NRA meetings, Southern Baptist churches, straight pride parades, and your local homophobic bakery.
A previously undiscovered version of the Christian Bible was recently unearthed during a renovation beneath the bathroom of a Louisville, Kentucky Chick-Fil-A. This new ‘MAGA Translation,’ contains the ‘Gospel According to Don,’ and the ‘Book of 2 Republicans.’ The text’s origins are said to have been dated around the time of the 2016 Presidential Campaign, just after Donald Trump secured the GOP nomination.
Below are excerpts from the just-released “new-and-improved testament” — which is already available on the White House website, at NRA meetings, Southern Baptist churches, straight pride parades, and your local homophobic bakery:
2 Republicans, Chapter 1, verse 1:
In the Beginning, Don created fake news.
On the first day he manufactured emergencies, demonized Muslims, attacked the Free Press, praised Putin, ranted about Obama, spewed racists epithets, and screamed at windmills.
The other six days he played golf and tweeted out abject nonsense, littered with factual errors, grammar abominations and spelling errors.
