The Genders of Reality

A lot of things rise in my head when I think about gender equality. One such thought is comparing men and women. Does gender equality mean men and women should be equal? Can it actually happen? Can men and women be equal? Or it is our definition of equality that is wrong and over time has turned into something doltish?

Today, I see the dumbest things happening because of gender equality. Our definitions and expectations from each gender is the real reason for this mess. Dig into details and it turns out, people don’t quite understand how to make men and women equal. They don’t understand the real meaning of equality. And this causes absolute mayhem. Here’s an example. Let’s say, men are men and women are women. For all you know, somebody out there will be accusing me for mentioning men first and women later in my previous sentence. But wait a second. Is this outrage needed? Is it adding value to gender equality? Is it really going to change anything? I don’t think so.

I’ve spent the last month breaking my head, talking to people, having some very interesting conversations (some downright useless ones too), watching numerous TED talks, reading the entire internet, to take this post in the right direction. It’s been hard but that could be another blogpost. For now, the thoughts I’ve gathered should suffice.

Men and women aren’t same.

Yes, you read that right. We are biologically different beings. And it affects our abilities to do things. For example, men don’t get periods. Women do. Men don’t get pregnant. Women do. And it changes a lot of things. For those 5–7 days, women are influenced, even if a little, by their hormones to do things a certain way. Same is the case with pregnancy. Women change a lot in those nine months — mentally, physically and biologically. For men, these dramatic physical/biological changes don’t happen. But that doesn’t mean their hormones don’t change. They do, just differently than that of the women. And their way of doing things is also affected. Just differently than that of women.

Now hold on to your thoughts. Here’s the catch. If men and women are different, how and why are we comparing them? We shouldn’t be, right? But we still are. The glitch is the way we are comparing them. It’s offbeat.

We are expecting men and women to be same and confusing it with them being equal.

Equality means giving equal opportunities to men and women. It does not mean comparing men and women. It does not mean men and women are same. It means men and women should be treated equally regardless of their gender. For instance, if there is a man out there who can lift something that I, as a woman, can’t, then it’s because he is strong enough to do so and I’m not. It’s not because he’s a man and I’m a woman. I know many men who are fragile and many women who are strong.

Somehow the definition of equality has changed. We mistake equality as a man and woman’s ability to be same. Expecting men and women to be same at a certain task — like their ability to make money — makes sense. But comparing them at anything and everything is where we are going wrong. And it is not because we can’t be the same. We sure can be. But right now, we aren’t.

For starters, a lot of us aren’t yet ready to take this leap of evolution. To believe that women and men are same. There are many reasons why we think so. We have been brought up a certain way to become a man or a woman. We are expected to “stay” in our gender, the one defined by our society. Be a little shy, be a macho, cross your legs when you sit, don’t be a pussy, stop being a tomboy, apply some makeup, etc etc etc. These stop us from being who we are. Breaking these boundaries only brings in shame and disrespect from the society.

Here’s one thing I personally dislike a lot. I know so many women who want to be like men — earn like men, be as strong as men, be independent/confident like men, successful like men. But I know only a handful of men who want to be like women. Why this difference, you ask? Because in our mind, the way we think, man is the superior gender. Man is attached with all the worldly concerns and decisions. No no no. Things don’t work that way. Confidence, independence, ideas, intelligence, success don’t see if you are a man or a woman. They don’t see if you have boobs or a dick. They don’t care about that. They are more concerned about the hard work one puts in, the patience and perseverance a person has.

The reality of gender bias won’t change until you work for it. As a person, you have to stop thinking that somebody is superior to you. In fact, this is the perfect time to quote Bill Gates.

“Don’t compare yourself with anyone in this world. If you do so, you are insulting yourself.”

It’s true. Stop demeaning yourself by comparing. Rise above gender. Challenge yourself. Push your own limits. Stop trying to be a man or a woman. Stop trying to limit yourself to do something simply because you are a man or a woman. Be in your own skin and see how the ball is always in your court.