Does Monday Actually Suck?
Something I’ve always wondered about in my adult working life is everyone’s seemingly consensus infatuation with Fridays and seemingly universal disdain for Monday. I’ve seen it go as far as other people begin to celebrate Thursday as “baby Friday” when we all know that Thursday is forgotten middle child of the days of the week. Let’s be clear, a bunch of great things happen on friday, usually. Friday’s usually coincide with the last day of the work week for a bunch of folks. Friday is the night to go out and paint the town red. (1) Friday is also the name of a moderately priced chain restaurant perfect for taking that lady out that you kind of like, but not that much. (2) So, sure Friday is a pretty good day, but are Monday’s really the opposite?
To settle whether Mondays are actually terrible or not bad at all, I have asked Erik to discuss what makes him hate Monday, whereas I will describe just a few of the many reasons Monday is the best day of the week.
Monday’s Are Actually Good Because…?
Subway Starts The Week With A Bang
The Subway™ sandwich sub of the day is Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki. Think about it. That’s the fifth best fast food chain serving its second best sandwich to start your week off with a smile. Do you know what the sub of the day is on Friday? Tuna. That’s the worst option anyone can even choose at Subway. True story: I once took office orders for a group of people to go to Subway. I waited in line during a busy lunch rush for 27 minutes of my allotted 30. After waitng all that time, the customer directly ahead of me proceeded order a footlong tuna sandwich and had the gall, dare i I say audacity to have it toasted. The smell was so bad I left the store without anyone’s order. When I got back to the office everyone hated me and started to make fun of me daily. Eventually it got so bad that I quit that job, totaled the car I had just paid off two weeks earlier, and worst of all accidently watched a Kevin Hart movie.
Remember when you would buy something new on the weekend and not being able to wait until school Monday to show it off to folks? (3) (4) This is why Monday is great. The Haircut Confidence Boost© doesn’t really kick in until you can show it off to your classmates or co-workers. That doesn’t happen until Monday.
Garfield Is A Jerk
So for the younger people reading this Garfield was/is a cartoon illustrated by Jim Davis about an overweight cat who’s love of Lasagna is overshadowed only by his disdain for Mondays. You may have seen the live action films Garfield: The Movie, the sequel Garfield: A Tale of Two Kittens, or the follow-up Garfield: It’s Your Fault You Just Want To Give Away Your Money At This Point. See the point is Garfield hates Monday and a lot of people seem to hate the day as well, but do you really want to like/dislike the same things as fugazi feline? (5) Garfield had no job. Garfield aint ever clean up anything, and basically had nothing to look forward to and had the nerve to treat poor John and Odi the way he did. Garfield hating Monday actually makes me love the day more since I’d hate to be associated him. Ya mans not hot.
Erik: Mondays are the worst of days. When the world ends, it’ll probably end on a Monday. According to the research that I definitely did not do, most people commit suicide on Mondays. Mondays are depressing. I’ll give you three reasons why Mondays are worse than that one Valentine’s Day in the fourth grade when you got curved by all three of your crushes in the span of three hours[ Ha — Chris]:
- Mondays are the first day back to work after the weekend for those of us that work the traditional 5-day Monday-Friday workweek. For those of you that hate your jobs, that makes Monday morning/Sunday night the worst time of the week. It’s freakin depressing. Here you are coming down from all the fun you’ve had from Friday night to Sunday, and now you have to put on your work face/clothes/voice again. Mondays demand that you trade your real self for your work self!
Seriously, what’s worse than that? If I had to make a list, I’d say Golden Corral, fans of OU football, and every song ever performed by Mary J. Blige. That would make trading your real self for your work self on Monday morning the fourth worst thing of all time.
(Chris: Dude, actually Friday is the worst for a working person. True story: one time (6)I got paid and the same day I had more bills auto-drafted than what was deposited into my account. This happened on a Friday (7). It’s never happened on a Monday.
2. The people who put holidays on the calendar (known heretofore as “the holiday people”) put a gang of holidays on Monday just to get you out of work. Why? Because the only thing that can fix a Monday is to not have to go to work or school. Monday morning is the furthest part of the work week from the weekend. If you can shift that jawn to Tuesday, life is better.
3. What is there ever to do on Monday nights? I mean, there’s Monday Night Football, if you’re an NFL fan, but football was on all day Sunday. I guess there are Big Monday games to watch for the seven of you that watch NCAA basketball during the regular season. Which of your favorite shows come on Monday night? None of them do, is the answer. None of them. Because Mondays suck every ball.
(Chris: Nothing ever comes on Monday? Please, three words American Ninja Warrior. It’s like the took some of the fun parts of American Gladiators. Tony the Tiger would say, “IIIIIIIIIIIIts adequate.”)
Chris: You got some aight reasons why Mondays might not be great, but I think I did my job to convince you that Monday’s are great, right?
Erik: No. Absolutely not. Subway is moderately okay, at best. I always went to the barber shop on Wednesday or Thursday, so my Haircut Confidence Boost© was during the week. And Garfield (the cartoon, not any of those terrible looking movies) was my joint. You’ve failed.
Chris: Whatever. Enjoy the rest of your Monday.
- Well not for me because I’m married and washed. But you probably already knew that when I wrote “paint the town red.”
- I imagine a restaurant called “Sundays” would open at 1:30 pm and only serve dinner.
- I actually don’t really know what this is like too much. My family was poor when I was growing up so I really didn’t get enough new things to show off to people. Well, one time I got a Michigan starter jacket from the Catholic Charities “Coats For Kids” program. I stunt that day.
- I’m actually still kind of broke.
- Wordplay! https://youtu.be/04a3bnpV9eY
- Actually multiple times
- Actually every other Friday.