I Realized I Wanted a Divorce While Having Sex With My Husband

This was my moment of clarity. I needed to leave my marriage.

Elle Silver
In Vain Asylum

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Photo by Bruno van der Kraan on Unsplash

I realized I no longer wanted to be married to my husband while having sex with him.

He was on top of me and his body just felt so heavy. For years, I’d shouldered his weight. Now I was literally being crushed by it.

With each thrust, he seemed to push me deeper into the mattress. As it was, our bed had a permanent indentation in the middle of it, thanks to him.

Those days, my husband spent almost every waking hour on our bed. He was unemployed. He got up around noon, took an hour-long shower, then climbed right back in between the sheets.

He spent the rest of the afternoon and evening reading about conspiracy theories from the vantage point of our conjugal mattress. After we lost everything in the 2008 financial crisis, he also lost his mind.

Our house foreclosed and we moved into a rental. Soon after, my husband began discussing 9/11 “truth.”

He swallowed the red pill and became convinced that chemtrails existed and that every school massacre was a hoax.

Still, nothing could prepare me for the shock he’d given me earlier in the day when he unloaded his newest…

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Elle Silver
In Vain Asylum

"Skinny fat,” L.A.-based writer, trying to get her health back after years of abuse. Self-proclaimed relationship expert. Please, don't take my advice.