Should we Listen to our Elders?
The double-edged sword of experience.
“If you could travel back in time and talk to your younger self, what would you tell yourself?”
This is the question we have been asking hundreds and hundreds of people during our travels hitchhiking through 28 countries from Europe, all the way through the middle East to Southeast Asia.
There were no further restrictions on this question. Many people would take it as a chance to tell themselves to change something in their past.
There were two contradicting answers that came up frequently — sometimes even within the same family:
“Listen to your parents!”
“Don’t listen to your parents!”
Based on their wildly different experiences, respondents made decisions that were either based on the seemingly bad advice of their parents or they ignored something they deemed good advice in hindsight.
So, what makes experience worthwhile and when can it be a negative factor in decision-making?
One image that stuck with me is that of experience as a double-edged sword that can have negative or positive effects depending on how you wield it.
No one in their right mind would argue against the immense value that comes with experience when engaging in learning a skill — may it be craftsmanship, academia, or even social intelligence. Being able to judge new situations or encounters based on experiences can be greatly beneficial.
BUT:
Experiences in one field do not automatically translate well into another field.
Experiences during one time do not automatically translate well into another time.
Experiences don’t age well. Just ask your parents or grandparents about their opinion on making a living as a social influencer, a digital nomad or a pro-gamer. They might be aware that those fields of work exist, but they won’t have any experience how to achieve success in them. MOST (not all!) will struggle against a dual handicap here. Neither do they have experience in the field itself nor do their work-life experiences help to understand that part of today’s economic landscape. Most of them cannot grasp the opportunities AND pitfalls presented by the digital economy. Their advice is flawed by a generational bias. Not only individuals struggle with this but also companies. Especially aging tech companies must be on their feet to keep up with new developments. Just take a look at the evolutions in the cellphone or digital photography markets. Old players, people and institutions, underestimate the power and possibilities of new tools.
One would think that general advice lasts longer than specific advice.
“You need to work hard if you want to reach your goals!”
This will probably be good advice at any given time.
“Invest in Bitcoin!“
Quite a different story here…
Also, there is a certain fallacy that stems from singular experiences. There are always a multitude of factors involved in why something works out or not.
Just because something did or didn’t work out in the socioeconomic environment 2, 10 or 20 years ago doesn’t mean it would play out the same today.
Just because something did or didn’t work out for someone doesn’t mean it would be the same for someone else.
So what should we look out for?
· Be careful with our tendency to generalize specific experiences.
· Don’t forget that experience can limit our ability for critical and open thinking.
· Learn from mistakes but don’t shy away from uncertainty.
· Don’t think that you have it all figured out, but know that others don’t either.
· Don’t be ignorant towards recurring patterns, they will help you when judging new situations and people.
· And at the same time stay open for new experiences and be willing to try again.
That being said, should we listen to our elders?
Well, I suppose we should always listen if someone tries to give us advice they usually mean well. That doesn’t mean that you have to follow any of it, but there is always something to learn even if it’s just being a patient listener.
People might say:
“If someone gives you bad advice, it’s still your fault for following it.”
“If the circumstances were bad you didn’t do enough research.”
“If you had bad luck, well shit! Better luck next time!”
Even though it’s not always your fault if something fails, it is true that we have to live with the consequences of our decisions. It is much easier to change your own actions than those of others. So from an individual perspective of self-development the focus should always be on you. But there are so many reasons that define if something works out or not and many of them are out of your control.
I do believe that mindset is an important factor and that a free life springs from a free mind. But it is also privilege that not everyone enjoys. It’s not only about what you are willing to give up and risk. It’s also a question of exposure to possibilities through your social environment for example an upbringing that supports independence and critical thinking.
There are many reasons people decide against their own instincts, and most boil down to social or economic pressures and circumstance.
We asked our question to people from all different cultural backgrounds and our individualistic kind of mindset often is perceived as a very selfish one. Looking at the perspective, let’s say of a Kyrgyz nomad: The family and animals they raise are the basis of their life. The elders teach the youngs what they know and how to survive. Breaking out of such a tradition is not only difficult, it also slowly destroys their way of life and creates therefore a lot of opposition from older generations. None of this is inherently good or bad but it exemplifies that we in the west have often a very one-dimensional perspective on choice and freedom. Our obsession with the individual is not old and not the only right way, it’s just the way we know by now and can hardly imagine to give up. If you are not willing to give up your family to pursue a love interest or a career they deem unworthy, that might or might not be a bad thing. Who knows how it would have turned out?
What those answers reflect though, is the tendency to blame others for your own unhappiness. In the end, whatever you do there is one choice that most of us have. And that is to make the best out of the situation we are in and not lead an unhappy life buried by our own regrets and the grudges we hold upon others.
