Faith & Development: The ‘Love’ Sabbatical
Learning in 2016 to love in 2017
My 2016 started rough.
31st Dec 2015 at 11:00pm I was told that my ex-fiancee was getting married. Added to the conflict that was going on with my girlfriend (now ex) at the time, I entered 2016 angry, emotionally overwhelmed, internally conflicted and questioning my faith, my relationship and purpose. Simply put, I had little hope for love in 2016.
Yet I can honestly say that upon reflection, I thrived. How? By using this year to answer 3 questions for myself:
- What is love?
- What are your values?
- Who am I and for what purpose?
1. What is love?
I entered 2016 in a relationship that was over a year long. Soon into January, I had decided that it was not working for us. Why? Despite my best efforts, I was still tired from the 5–6 year battle with my ex-fiancee, which due to the cultural differences and social expectations, forced my hand. My desires, energy and passion had been spent. Emotionally, I had not allowed myself to truly learn, recover and reflect on that previous experience and I had not laid foundations to protect and provide for myself, let-alone another woman again. I had to decide between serving my girlfriend or God.
I chose God.
Why? Because I did not truly know or understand the love of God, before I had been attempting to give it to others, especially her. In the realm of love, I was the ‘Bankrupt Billionaire’ who had to learn what God had taught me from my experiences of love. She was deserving and worthy of a seasoned investor; somebody who was safe, secure and wealth with the love she needed to realise the queen in herself. I was an entrepreneur; I had an idea, a vision for an empire but minimum wealth to reinvest in after I had put my life’s savings into my ex-fiancee.
The great thing I had, continuing the ‘entrepreneur’ analogy, was a vast network of my own merit. People who had seen me become a relative success in love, who felt secure enough not only in my previous ventures but had hope that I could learn and develop beyond my previous heights and thrive. They knew I had the ability, character and desire to build, to grow. My mentors, my team, my friends and my family were ready to re-invest in me because they believed in me.
I decided I was going to commit 2016 to God alone. No distractions. I made all the arrangements and set all the spiritual, personal and social boundaries that would ensure my promise was not compromised. However, I had no idea on how I was going to structure the year. It started one key question.
2. “What are your values?”
I stuttered for time to think and space for answers to this question from a very wise woman. I had NEVER been asked this question before and was definitely challenged by it. What do I stand for and what guides my identity and therefore path, with God?
Spending the past 12 months answering this question has been nothing short of fun. My initial 3, grew to become my 10 virtues that I realise guided my heart, my life, my purpose and my relationship with God. The minute I was able to communicate them, I grew in confidence, was more discerning, made clearer decisions and knew what I had to develop; whilst finding genuine value in others who shared them and could help me develop a deeper experience with them.
“The key to learning and choosing love is tapping into divine love” — Gary Chapman: God Speaks your love language
Growing in my faith by reading on God’s love and understanding what he’d done for me was pivotal. As somebody who primarily appreciates the attitude of service, I realised that I first had to recognise that I had been served with something that was both infinite and to be shared with others, God’s unconditional love and respect. Confidence in my purpose and the hope and faith I need to live it. You see, as servant, I had forgotten that waiters don’t serve empty plates. God owns the restaurant, Jesus is the chef; and I hadn’t returned to the kitchen in a while. I say return, because it was a close friend who reminded me that I had actually learned how to love through my ex-fiancee. I wasn’t hopeless after all, fatigued and with a lot to learn, yes, but their was hope.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. — 1 Corinthians 13: 4–8
I had to start practicing love again, but had to truly love myself before I could begin loving anybody else. A waiter is of no use to anybody if he doesn’t know what he’s serving others and starving for food himself. How can he explain what’s on the ‘Al la Carte’, ‘the signature dish’ or make recommendations if he unaware of the chef and person whom he serves? You don’t have to eat first to serve, you just have to ensure that you will so that you can serve others to the best of your ability.
Who am I and for what purpose?
The final question was important because you can’t eat nuts if you’re allergic to them. I had to find out and remember who I was so that I could learn how I could best serve others. I reflected and found that my exes were attracted to my commitment and unrecognised sense of purpose, they saw the ‘king’ in me. I had to consciously develop my purpose, whilst developing the mindset of a humble servant and king.
A true leader is not the one with the most followers, but one who creates the most leaders. A true king is not the one with the most subjects, but one who leads the most to royalty. A true teacher is not the one with the most knowledge, but one who causes the most others to have knowledge. And a true God is not One with the most servants, but One who serves the most, thereby making Gods of all others. — Neale Donald Walsch (The Complete Conversations with God)
I got to work! My mentor was invaluable in helping me develop 6 key areas for what I called my ‘Purpose Development Plan’: Spiritual, Personal, Physical, Mental, Professional and Emotional. She helped me establish expectations of myself, challenged my reasoning and helped me develop my own internal wiring, held me accountable to achieve my goals and maintaining them.
I also begun to observe those who had a ‘king’s’ mindset, I learned how they served God and added value to others, I studied the greats who had achieved success in leadership and mastered the craft, and finish this year confident in being able to recognise love, understand and value my future Queen and the royal friends, family and colleagues who supported me in getting this stage.
I chose and discovered myself, learnt my strengths and weaknesses, accepted my purpose, began my life’s task and fundamentally, learned the love of God.
“Love is a choice about how we will behave and treat others. Not a feeling” — Joyce Meyer
What does 2017 hold for me?
1)Continued development and growth of my ‘royal’ mindset and 10 key values/virtues in Christ.
2)Serving and sharing the unconditional faith, hope and love; I receive from God.
3)Foundations to begin teaching and sharing the ability to serve and lead.
4)A Queen?
Resources:
“Conversations with God” series(Book) — Neale Donald Walsch
“Aleph / The Alchemist” — Paulo Coelho
“Mastery / Art of Seduction” (Book)— Robert Greene
“5 Love Languages” series (Book) — Gary Chapman
“Necessary Endings” (Book)— Dr Henry Cloud
“Love & Respect” (Book) — Dr Emerson Eggerichs
“He / She / We” (Book) — Robert Johnson
“Tony Robbins” podcast (iTtunes)
“The Receipts” podcast (iTunes)
“The Boundless Show” podcast (iTunes)
Please like, share and have a Happy New Year!
