My Dad — The Alchemist Leader
Key leadership principles my Dad taught me
“One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.” — George Herbert
Parents are the first leaders we encounter and often the ones we hold dearest. The way they teach, train and treat us provides us with the fundamental aspects of our character, perspectives and purpose.
My Dad taught me several golden lessons for leadership that have helped me develop my ‘life’s journey’, hence he’s given the title of ‘The Alchemist Leader’.
1 — Feed your children first (or ‘Leaders Eat Last’)
“Even if it’s the last slice of bread, make sure you feed your children first” — C. Elliott
A key principle, my Dad said this to me after a shopping spree which spelled the end of a period where even my fridge was hungry. Immediately, not only did I understand the sacrifices that were made to protect us, but also the mentality of a true leader who truly seeks to serve and support those they lead. It is essential for any and every leader, to want to serve those they lead and provide them with the bare necessities, until they have developed and grown enough to provide for themselves.
“the true price of leadership is the willingness to place the needs of others above your own”. — Simon Sinek: Leaders Eat Last
You must be selfless, prioritising your children’s (or subordinates) well-being over your own. Leaders (parents) are often not appreciated enough, for the sacrifices they make to ensure that their children can live safe, fruitful lives. In today’s society it may be argued that having children is more of a choice than ever; but the choice to be an active participant as a parent is one that children, generally, are eternally grateful for. The same principle goes for those leaders who we can never thank enough, for carrying our burdens and issues, and continue to persevere, to be resilient and encourage us unconditionally to grow. T.D. Jakes said that “it is not about what you leave your children, but what you leave ‘in’ them that counts”; the same goes for those you lead and ensuring that not only should we prioritise nourishing those we lead, but making sure they understand, repeat and share the same principle.
2 — Develop and master Integrity, purpose and excellence
If you’re going to do something, do it right, the first time. — C. Elliott
Not one for slacking, this is from the family of work ethic quotes that fall under “if something is worth doing, it’s worth doing well”. This instilled a discipline within me, to be pro-active with the choices I make and the things I do, so that I don’t have to redo them. If I do make a mistake, it’s not because I sold myself short but if anything, I actually learn from the genuine mistakes I made out of experience rather than laziness.
Integrity is also built from living out this principle. Leaders are leaders because they show initiative in getting things done and ensure that the things they do are of a high standard. They invest in their character as well as the quality of their work, that’s what puts them at the head of the pack; their wisdom, experiences and expertise. Their acts of service and accomplishments are why people follow and seek to learn from them.
3 — Encouragement
“Even if I didn’t like what you did, as long as it was not harmful to you or others, I allowed you to do it so that you would learn” — C. Elliott
My Dad was always a great enabler. I think this came more-so with age as it seems society is full of children who live according to their parent’s (or culture’s) will and what they deem is “good for them”.
“A man must love his father and yet be free of his father’s expectations and criticisms in order to be a free man.” — Anon.
With no expectations other than to be a positive contribution to society, whether it was career choices or girlfriends, my father never said “no”. That being said, he was always available for advice and wisdom that would be truthful and filled with love.
I, on the other hand, literally had to learn the definition of ‘encouragement’ after some very honest feedback. I’d heard the word, but when I came upon the ‘dictionary.com’ definition, I could immediately resonate with this principle because of the support my Dad gave me. ‘To stimulate by assistance, approval etc.’
Encouragement is incredibly powerful and many parents (or leaders), struggle to come to terms with decisions that aren’t their own in regards to life choices. This lesson from my Dad should remind us that our role is to equip, guide and trust; not dictate and control; those we lead.
4 — Be Solution focused
“When you find the answer to one problem, you’ll find the answer for everyone” — C. Elliott
We currently live in a time where negativity, complaining, pessimism and cynicism are more common than hope. This resonated with me a lot because many people have ‘selfish ambition’, optimism based on gaining more independent material wealth or power. This causes them to solve problems that will enhance only their own interests; rather than looking to find the solutions that will benefit everybody.
The movie ending for ‘I Am Legend’, is a great example of the true purpose of problems in leadership, which is to find solutions that benefit everybody, to have hope, to truly believe in your calling. When you believe in these things; negativity, complaining, pessimism and cynicism are relegated from mindsets to, (annoying) indicators that more can be done. However, you must refuse to act and think the same, whilst have the ability to discern what can be used as feedback and what is simply noise.
5 — Your ‘Why’ is the foundation of your survival, and the key to your life
“Son, you’re the type of person who has to be seen” — C. Elliott
It was Sunday, August 21st, 2016. My younger sister had phoned me to tell me that the hospital had advised all available family members to attend the hospital, because my Dad was not expected to see Monday morning. His breathing had become harder; his remaining lung from his first war with cancer, was now working twice as hard, for half the oxygen intake it needed to pump the oxygen around his body.
I arrived to find my Dad in a jovial mood. He had conceded the battle and was simply happy to be spending the last moments of his life surrounded by the three generations of family that he’d fathered, grandfathered and great-grandfathered. I cried on his lap, understandably but unexpectedly, and simply asked him not too give up.
He looked at me and told me about an encounter with a nurse who’d been supporting him at the hospital. He told me that the nurse had said to him that he can’t quit, because he still has so much to give to his children. His reply was appreciative but also dismissive, he’d been given the diagnosis by many professionals and had conceded to the agreed likely outcome. Even joking that he’d, ‘booked his passport to meet his maker’.
I left; due to my own purpose; against my wishes but strongly encouraged by my Dad. The next day, my sister phoned me and told me that he was still thankfully alive!
Not only did he survive, but he lived for nearly 3 months before he passed. During that time, I was able to to sit down with him and ask him for counsel and wisdom. He gave me a blessing for my chosen career path, his thoughts on choosing (not finding) a wife, skills to lead and deal with people and most importantly, he personified the meaning and power of purpose.
See, the nurse was probably the first person in over 75 years to explicitly tell him what he was living for. Not only for his children but to develop and pass on timeless wisdom that would protect and provide for many others. On that day, all we did as a family, was make him reflect and truly see the value of his purpose, a purpose worth fighting for.
The key principle here is to know your ‘why’. Described as a ‘life’s mission’ in ‘The Purpose Driven Life’ by Rick Warren, he writes; “Your life mission is both shared and specific. One part of it is a responsibility you share with every other [human being], and the other part is an assignment that is unique to you.”
When you know your ‘why’, perseverance, discernment, direction, love and vision become second nature. Boundaries become more effective because you know your lane, decisions or relationships that may compromise you are better managed and best of all, you consciously grow into the person you were meant to become and begin mastering the value you serve to others.
