In China, when it comes to good female examples on the so-called feminist front in the entertainment, Xu Jinglei, a well-known actress and director, must be one of them, although she never deems herself as a feminist. With the combination of a voice that she wouldn’t get married in future several years ago and the fact that she isn’t married now even forever in spite of a good relationship with her boyfriend, plus the act of egg freezing two years ago, she is always on everyone’s lip and idolized as a female yardstick by which many people judge others and themselves.
“One is not born a woman, but rather becomes one.” said by Simone de Beauvoir in her famous book — — “the second sex”. Xu is not born such an admirable and adorable female, luck should take most of the credit. She grew in an ample family well-educated by her strict and aggressive father who avidly wanted to prove it that he also can educate a more excellent child even though a girl. He brought little Xu to the oldest libraries in Beijing, made many compulsory reading lists, forced her to learn calligraphy, poems and made many rules even for the spare time after meals. Under such circumstance, Xu, comparing to many normal girls in less privileged families, enjoyed a well-educated life as well as suffered from many constraints, which actually shaped Xu today. Admittedly, her father’s grid image has posed a pall over her attitudes toward the world, a strong awareness of rebellion against the rules, but undeniably shaded a comfortable shadow for her growth.
And luck also befriended her when she started her career. From being a student of Beijing Film Academy to being appreciated by her rumored boyfriend — Wang Shuo, and from staring with Pu Cunxin — a famous actor for the first time to being a director with many famous actors played in her first movie, she seems to get them with the help of God, so easily and so smoothly.
Luck comes by accident, but never by demand. Jiang Fangzhou, another talented writer but with a disparate and miserable childhood, is totally eclipsed when sitting with Xu on one table talking topics associated with women. Jiang seldom talks about her father but wrote an article about him in which she said the only several education from his father were prompted by a sudden impulse but in a threatening and frightening way. In Jiang’s eye, her father is a traditional oppressor wanting his children to know they are lucky and forgiven by him even their lives are bestowed by him, which also shaped what Jiang is like today. Once someone asked her whether she wanted to be a director or screenwriter like Xu, A honest answer from this honest girl that “Sure, but I am less reliable than her because of less reliable money”. Not only her financial ability cannot hold a candle to xu but her luck ability to get help from well-known actors and director like Wang Shuo. Of course, only crediting her accomplishments to luck is unfair and irresponsible, no one can succeed without perspiration even tough God is her friend. But Xu indeed is closer to God.
Such comparison between the two is predominantly felt when they participated in an Internet show called “Round table Meeting” on the International working women’s day. Naturally, the topics discussed were associated with women, which are increasingly attracting great attention in today’s society with the high development in other fields. In the show, Xu was always caped by a strong sense of rebellion. “I don’t care” is more appropriate to be a tag than ”gifted women” labelled by other people although she always proclaims to the public that I don’t care what they think of me.
“I don’t care whether my partner will pay more attention to more beautiful and younger girls. Unless you think beauty and youth are the only merits, or your partners are too shallow only to pursue that, I won’t. The society and parents never kidnap us, it’s us.”
Though true are these words and consent am I, I prefer to be honest. The recognition of ‘who I am’ results from the combination of ‘what others think of u’ and ‘what u think of yourself’, which is rephrased from “looking out; looking in”, a social psychological book wrote by professor Ronald B. Adler&Russell F, proctor. In this light, A simple claim “I don’t care” actually make little sense, even if she now is living a life many other people care a lot. People are supposed to care what others think of you otherwise you never know whether you know you really care or not. And what’s more, Xu actually enjoys more positive comments, like “talented female” “brave leading female” so how could she deeply know the feelings when a flood of negative facing her?
When Jiang mocked herself as someone picked by others in the gender market proper, So astonished Xu was that she said ”you are so beautiful and excellent, how come you are picked by others? It is you who pick !” people are always of the view that impulsion is evil, partly because people will expose their nature to the public. The response of Xu actually, from my perspective, proved that she also accepted the concept of gender market which is not reasonable if she insisted on “it’s too shallow only to pursue at”. Being beautiful and excellent is never the necessity when it comes to love. Jiang commented her as a “well-fed” female who don’t know the “starving” ones suffer and rightly so.
Jiang however, as a writer, is shrouded by a sense of detachment without a strong self-awareness that may bar her from learning things from all perspective, which is less likely to be understood by Xu who longs for “expressing myself” than “learning more about others”. And that’s why Jiang is a writer, but Xu is just one gleaming role wrote by Jiang. However, people naturally and conventionally curry favor for those gleaming leading roles which can brighten their illusions but turn a blind eye or take a dim view of those struggling supportive roles which actually mirror themselves.
After the show had gone to public, Jiang was criticized because of her honest confession, however Xu was praised because of her independent claims, and Jiang’s being over 10 years younger than Xu actually compounded the situation. How could a 28-year-old girl be so in-confident when 43-year-old Xu is strutting off “I don’t care”?
Admittedly Xu is setting a good example to people who are entrenched into stereotypes. But not in that way — -I don’t care. Just take a look at those classical books, like “ A Dream of Red Mansions” “Madame Bovary” “Gone with the Wind” , they depict a lot of classic roles with many limits in humanity nature, but it is their limits that liven them up. Nowadays, problems abound in our lives and stress lurks everywhere, Consequently people are inclined to write and read things inundated with positive energy. But our limits like laziness, greediness, helplessness and beyond can’t be solved easily by following those good examples or events full of positive energy. Xu is too lucky to understand those less lucky people, or in other words, she has no qualification to teach people to do “I don’t care”; her attitude is based on her smooth life and lacks a taste of “being tolerant” of unfortunate, disasters, plainness… That’s why I think her “I don’t care” is more of a rebellion than an attitude toward life.
We do need the attitude “I don’t care”, but it is the result of being tolerant of what you are suffering from, maybe negative or positive. Life is hard, for many people, struggling for life is the only task in the whole life, let alone pursuing a dreamy life. But interestingly, people are acclimated to looking at far-reaching stars instead of being down-to-earth.
