Weddings Make Me Happy: A Ramble About The Plebiscite
Weddings make me happy. That’s kind of the point, isn’t it?
As a musician I’ve been to my fair share of weddings, from elaborate city weddings, to country shindigs and back, I’ve seen it all. Just today, a wedding party drove past me as I walked home with my groceries and it made me so happy I smiled the whole way home, daydreaming.
More personally, I had the pleasure of attending my best friend’s wedding last year, and apparently attended my aunt and uncle’s nuptials circa 1997. I was reportedly happy by all accounts.
I figured by the time I wanted to marry…that it would “all be sorted out”.
For as long as I can recall, I’ve taken it for granted that of course I’ll get married one day. Everyone is entitled to that dream, the big day surrounded by friends and family, locking in a love for all eternity. When I started coming out to friends in late 2008, I don’t think I even knew the legalities around queer coupling in Queensland.
As I grew older, further into high school and as more serious relationships came on, I looked into it. At first, it was grim. Then, in 2012 Campbell Newman decided that civil unions were too similar to marriage and toyed with that legislation, leaving queer couples with little more than de-facto partnership.
Still, my optimism knew no bounds. I was young, and I figured by the time I wanted to marry — say my mid twenties — that it would “all be sorted out”. Our generation would come of voting age, our voices would be heard and change would come. Common sense would prevail and equality would be celebrated throughout Australia.
When the ACT moved to allow same-sex marriage in 2013, my optimism grew stronger. I was certain that this would be the catalyst for serious discussion about marriage equality on a national scale. Not quite, the High Court shot it down and it took another 4 years for anything substantial to occur. Somehow, my optimism survived the wait.
I’m still clinging to that optimism, but barely. It’s getting harder every day of this wretched plebiscite campaign. It’s not exactly how I imagined the conversation happening, but it’s an opportunity for change.
Things are definitely looking up for the ‘yes’ camp, but I was raised to keep in mind all possibilities. There is a possibility that on November 15th, queer Australians will yet again be kicked to the ground if a resounding ‘no’ vote emerges. $122 million spent to belittle and shame Australia’s vast LGBTI+ community, opening floodgates of hate which may not ever be closed.
I try not to dwell on it, but the ongoing sociopolitical damage of a ‘no’ vote could go far beyond legislation. Besides the inequality of access to marriage, this plebiscite has burdened queer Australians with amplified hate speech and crime. A win for the ‘no’ campaign has the potential to set back the cultural climate around queerness and gender diversity by twenty years or more.
Myself and many of my queer friends are lucky to have grown up in the 00’s — homosexuality is no longer a crime, ‘gay panic’ defences have been repealed and there’s more legal support than ever before when it comes to parenting, adoption and fostering. Queer characters on TV from the 90’s to now have evolved and society in general is much more aware of queer culture — need I mention Drag Race?
Just twenty/thirty years ago though, Australia’s cultural climate was very different. Homosexuality was illegal in most states and in the late 80’s to early 90’s, ‘fag-bashing’ was just about a sport . TO THIS DAY some infamous murders remain unsolved due to being ignorantly ruled as suicides. Homosexuality was a punchline.
I don’t want to see the clock wound back even an inch. I don’t want validation given to the abusive, emboldened element of the ‘no’ campaign. I don’t want to have to relive my high school nightmare as a grown adult — I’ve only just fucking recovered!
I don’t want to be the angry queer at the back of my friend’s weddings in years to come. I don’t want to become a resentful nihilist at every wedding I perform at. I don’t want to keep feeling like I’m less deserving or less complete than my straight friends.
I don’t want to lose the optimism I’m clutching to my chest right now.
Weddings make me happy. I hope they always will.
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I originally posted this to my personal facebook, but thought it deserved a bit more attention — hyperlinks to relevant articles, a clutter-free reading space. Thanks for reading.
