A dear friend and reader asked me how I go about connecting with the various artists I collaborate with. I would have replied in private had she not suggested I turn it into an article, and, the more I thought about it I realized that I may have a few useful tips on how to magnetize—not just creative collaborations, but the right people into your life.
I experience a fair amount of (what I refer to as) synchronicities on a regular basis—and, when in a flow-state, they often happen one after the other. Because it can feel like pure magic, I’ve said out loud, I have no idea how this keeps happening, but the very events and people I crave seem to stumble across my doorstep at exactly the right time. But, the truth is, when I look at my process, there are deliberate and strategic steps that go into it, even when the process feels intuitive.
Synchronicities aren’t simply signs from the universe, but events that often appear when we get clear about our intentions, open up and pay attention. Further, they’re reliant on actionable steps and following the crumbs, while learning to trust our intuitions.
The question from my friend & reader
How you go about meeting fellow artists and get into these collaborations that wonderfully hold space for your creativity and sexuality in whatever way you choose?
I admire that so much and have been setting my sights on that as we (hopefully) near the end of this pandemic.
In my answer, I’ll explain my own personal practice of magnetizing, deliberately using certain esoteric terms — which I’ll attempt to demystify by explaining what’s actually happening.
While this is specifically in response to attracting creative collaborations, the process is general and can be adapted to attracting any-one, events, or things. More specific points can be altered to suit your specific situation.
Awaken the magician within
Everything is energy | This includes our thoughts, feelings, intentions, and actions. Thus, everything we do, say, think, and feel, continuously vibrates energy out into the world. Like chemistry, different energies attract, reject, fuse with, or vibe with others. As a result, when seemingly magical or divine things happen*, they’re more often than not our own creations.
(*I won’t touch on the opposite here; when negative events happen. Not only is this a conflicting and complex topic that would require an in-depth exploration into everything from ancestral burdens to socioeconomic and beyond, but, as I wrote about in Why Manifestation Isn’t Working For You, a lot of what is taught in relation to manifestation is steeped in privilege; “talking about how we create and are responsible for our own realities can also be a form of victim-blaming.”)
Cause and effect | If you think I’ve lost it after reading the last paragraph, let me break it down into more rational terms. First, we all work with energy all the time. Take your daily food, sleep and exercise habits as concrete examples: If we want more physical energy and vitality, we can eat good food that provides that, move our bodies, and make sure we get enough rest. While that be easier said than done in our busy, modern lives, they’re painfully straight forward.
The same principles apply to everything and all forms of energy, even when they’re abstract. As said, energy flows where attention goes, and, what you feed grows.
You’re an almighty creator | Start thinking of yourself as a divine creator—a witch, magician, goddess, shaman—or, whatever makes you feel most empowered. I’m not saying this to blow smoke, neither do I encourage any kind of distorted self-aggrandizing. The realest wizards/esses are humble!
What I ask is that you stop blaming anything or anyone, including yourself, for what’s happening to you. The idea that we can only control our own mindset, reactions, and responses to the events in our lives may sound disempowering at first, but, it’s rather the opposite—and, a power that too many relinquish.
Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.
Charge your inner magnet
Do ‘stream of consciousness’ journaling aka Morning Pages| I learned this method from Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way and do these in periods when I feel the need to get clear and to lure whatever’s lurking in my subconscious up to the surface.
Here’s how: Just after waking, open a sketchbook, and write steadily for three full pages without stopping, and without thinking or judging what lands on the page. For a more extended explanation, see this useful blog post.
I have sketchbooks full of utter nonsense describing my every sensory impression, listing house chores, and arguing with myself to which degree what I’m writing is spontaneous or contrived. These pages are like a written meditation in which you’re fighting with your monkey-mind to shut up.
The wonderful thing about it is that once you get the gunk out of the way, real wisdom starts to emerge. When I recently flipped through my sketchbooks from last year, I saw, to my bemusement, clear patterns of issues popping up, how I started pondering, working through, and eventually taking action to overcome them. As one of the Laws of Attraction says; “nature abhors a vacuum” and the Morning Pages are literally like a vacuum cleaner for your brain that leaves a clean space for the important stuff to enter.
Describe what you want | Once you’re all (or mostly) clear, spell out exactly what you want. I always say that words are spells; again this is a figure of speech rather than witchcraft. What actually happens when you formulate your thoughts into sentences and place them on the page is you’re giving them physical form and thus bringing them one step closer to realization.
Looking at your own thoughts solidify them to yourself, turning them into goals rather than dreams buzzing around in your mind.
In terms of meeting a specific person (or plural), describe them as accurately as possible on a piece of paper, including as much detail as you feel is relevant from how they act, move and look, to their interests, political views, their demeanor. Include what you’ll do and create together. What are your motivations? What will the end-result be and where will it go? Most importantly, include how the person, as well as how completing these goals will make you feel. Go far and deep—and dare to dream.
You may do what you want with these letters, but I usually stick them in an envelope and keep them in a special place. If and when a scenario has been fulfilled, I give thanks and dispose of it. Multiple times, I’ve gone back and read letters describing with surprising accuracy a person or event that later entered my life.
Make a vision board | In a perfect world, I’d make fabulous cut-and-paste collages for my goals to hang on my wall, but, since time is often precious I usually make mood boards on Pinterest instead. I create these for anything, from plans and dreams to creative and home improvement projects.
You can also simply save images in folders on your computer, though I find this less inspiring since you can’t see all of them together but have to flip through one by one. If you prefer something tactile but lack the time to collage, use a cork or magnet board instead.
Whatever method suits you is the best. What matters is that you take your visions one step forward towards materializing into their ultimate physical forms. Once again, there’s nothing more cabalistic to this than clarifying your goals in order to focus our attention towards reaching them. It’s much like grocery shopping: If you want to create a specific dish that you don’t know by heart want to bring a shopping list to avoid coming home with all the wrong things.
Close your eyes to all that frightens your dream and visualize the envision that brightens your dream
— P.S. Jagadeesh Kumar
Beam your signal out into the world
Take action | Too often, people will stop after doing the prep-work above only to sit around and wait for the universe to deliver. This is where the whole attraction scheme fails, perhaps exactly because we’ve been sold that this is some kind of magic trick and thus disregarding that we’re the ones who have to instigate change. The first steps are useful in order to gain clarity, but they’re often worthless in their own right; without the follow-through.
Be social & connect with others | You won’t meet people unless you go where the people are. The current pandemic limits the ways in which we can be social, but regardless, I find most of my creative collaborators online and through apps. Your ideal place to search depends on where you are geographically and what you’re looking for, but the places I’ve found most fruitful in finding photographers and other visual artists “who hold space for my creativity and sexuality”, are Instagram, Feeld (the dating app) and Fetlife. The new platform Subs, while still small, also seems promising for the purpose of displaying artistic content.
On all of the platforms, show your location and connect with people in your area. Follow creatives who do what you do, or wish to be doing.
Tell the world what you want | In all of my profiles, including my dating profiles, it’s clearly stated that I’m looking to meet fellow artists in order to collaborate on telling stories through words and images. Using dating apps to find creative collaborators might seem strange, but I’ve found that many do this as well. Here, I’ll match with people I don’t (seem to) have a romantic interest in if they state that they’re a photographer, filmmaker, or any other artist of interest to me. When approaching them, I’ll immediately state my intentions, telling them I’m curious to hear more about their creative practice.
Connecting with multiple people online can seem like a lot of mental effort, and it can be. Keep in mind that making contact doesn’t obligate a follow-through—you’re free to weigh your options and respectfully pull away at any time if it’s not right, or tell them that you need time to consider. I’ve also found this to be excellent training for my assertive muscle and interpersonal communication skills.
Project what you want to attract | Another of the Laws of Attraction states that “like attracts like”. I learned this hard way in my past as an art director and designer: I kept getting approached to do work I no longer had any interest in (websites and logos) and was getting nowhere with my future ambitions (set and interior design). The connection should have been obvious, instead, it took me far too long to realize that I was being asked to do websites and logos because this made up the majority of my online portfolio (duh!). When I removed those projects and stated clearly that I was doing interiors, sets, and events (even if I wasn't doing a lot of it yet) that was the work that started coming to me.
On your website, social media, and wherever else you display your creative work, go for quality over quantity and project an image that clearly reflects what you want to be doing. If you don’t have many (or any) examples of this, make one up and create your own project(s)—even if simple, do something that reflects your aesthetics and visions.
You may want to start a new Instagram (or other profile) specifically geared towards this venture in order not to muddle your message. When I started mine a couple of years ago, I first posted lots of images I found online, intermixed with quotes and the odd self-portrait. What this did was creating a visual universe that clearly showed my tastes, ideas, and visions and they led me to connect with photographers to create projects that reflected what I’d put out. Below are two examples:
Follow through & follow your intuition | It’s easy to get cold feet, feel too exposed, freak out, listen to your imposter, or simply give up. Don’t! Take chances and (calculated) risks to continue down the path. Schedule chats or calls when you can, meet for a walk with a warm drink, and talk about ideas while keeping an open mind.
If it feels overwhelming or confusing at first, or you’re unsure about someone or something, give yourself time to sit down and listen to what your gut feeling and heart are telling you. Go back and look at your letter(s) and vision boards.
Our intuitions are pretty spot on once we learn to listen. I call this to learn how to follow the crumbs. When we pay attention, we will start to see signs like tiny, yummy cake crumbles on our paths.
As with dating in general, you may have to kiss some frogs, but don’t let that discourage you. Instead, I invite you to look at every failed connection as a step taking you closer to what you search for—and each time you’re being shown what you don’t want, your vision of what you do want gets clearer.
Don’t try to comprehend with your mind. Your minds are very limited. Use your intuition.
A short note on location–location–location
I feel like it’s worth mentioning that our physical locations do matter to a degree, even though it’s absolutely possible to meet someone online anywhere and even to create interactive projects. But if you wish to meet and create in-person, location does matter.
I moved to Berlin twelve years ago for the very reason that it is one of the cities in the world with the highest density of creative folks and artists as well as art venues and cultural events. This was part of my own “manifestation process” and because I chose this as my home, meeting artists is fairly easy.
I’m not telling anyone to move and for many, this is out of reach. But, I am asking you to consider if your physical location aligns with the goals you have set for yourself, or if it’s perhaps working against you? And, what can you do about this? (…)
What does it boil down to?
The last Law of Attraction says that “the present is always perfect,” which is an especially hard sell nowadays. But, as always, time waits for no one and the time is now, leaving little choice but to start!
Taking one step at a time—getting clear, turning intentions into goals, and then, goals to action—will ensure that you neither get lost in a daydream-state or jump ahead without knowing where you’re going.
You got this—And I can’t wait to see the projects you’re about to create!
Do you have a question about sex, sensuality, spirituality, creativity and/or healing, that you want me to answer in an article? Send it to me via enadahlwrites[at]gmail[dot]com with “Dear Ena” in the subject line.
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