I Am Too Sexy For My Weed — And Other Tales Of Cannabitchery

The following is a brief excerpt from Green II: Spreading Like Kudzu — my upcoming new book about the inside story of the German cannabis cultivation bid. This segment discusses the shade if not often hazardous territory experienced by many in the industry.

Stay tuned for more early release news!

The events of May (2019) were, in retrospect, a slow moving reaction to what had gone down the month before (the final decision about the cultivation bid). Certainly by the end of the year in retrospect, they were also damning precursors of what was yet to come.

Further, that the details were truly disturbing if not bizarre was also troubling. Especially for those who hoped to see a settling down, at least, of a regular industry in Germany.

Of all places.

Good luck with that one.

Instead, it was clear that cannabis frenzy locally had already begun to roll with the imported from North America idea that money could be raised, and dreams fulfilled by a rather humble plant that had been openly stigmatized not too long ago. As of 2019, across Europe and certainly in Germany, there was still a socially induced frission about all things related to the topic, but this was also part of its appeal if not basic hipness too.

The Germans for all of their properness and love of rules were embracing at least the idea of legalization of the plant if not exactly the industry itself with open fascination.

Indeed, in some quarters, namely the territory covered by the corporate offices of the three companies who had won the bid (Aurora, Aphria and Demecan/Wayland), there was a temporary sigh of relief (although it did not last long). In other headquarters, namely Canopy, there was a massive reshuffling afoot with rumbles and cracks that were already beginning to show to insiders who watched the industry. That these did not show up publicly until July (when Bruce Linton exited his position as CEO and shortly thereafter, more rank and file staff were fired or left in offices around the globe including in Poland and Latin America as the company realigned with the UK and Germany) was a carefully tended public relations feat. Indeed, in public, in May, Canopy was buying things. Big things.

In fact, beyond the press releases, the final settling of the first cultivation bid in Germany set off a sadly predictable round of bragging, bullshit and behind the scenes posturing that also increasingly toxified the air. And from a lot of directions.

Indeed no matter the potential issues in the room on the Canadian side, the bid winners in particular were also targeted too, and several times this year, with appalling rumors dressed up as toxic Trojan horses made of nothing but hot air and merde.

But then that too was to be expected (and not just related to cannabis but rather human nature). There was daylight and a whole lot of distance between the established players and those now entering the room. Newbies were easy targets for people bored with the more mundane, moving-the-needle forward and still-to-be-done tasks like setting up medical trials (which languished everywhere). If not creating doctor education materials.

The sharks circled in for a kill or two.

But beyond jealousy about being left out of the cultivation bid? Or its backstop next door in Holland?

There were other fish to now fry.

The race to obtaining market share via distribution was where the real money was perceived to be. Including increasingly via digital means, no matter the many obstacles that lay in the way. And in Germany, those barriers are high and considerable. Yet young Germans hoping to be the next Jeff Bezos of cannabis were not above taking down anything, or anyone that got in their way in a market that was fractured and frustrating. It got vicious pretty fast.

That this melee also got particularly not only misogynistic but anti-Semitic was also in the room, with some Israelis making the situation even worse, however unintentionally. In the mix of rising anti Semitism and “nationalism” in Germany, for all the celebratory mood at some of the conferences, the daily grind of the biz in Europe, was frequently an uncomfortable place to be. No matter who you were. Internet trolls made having a prominent Linked In account a matter of considerable vulnerability. Attacks on journalists were common.

Thick skin was also mandatory, as was the willingness and ability to throw shade right back.

However, in the meantime, the blood was up. Investigative firms (in particular) all over Europe began to hunt for incriminating information about an industry that, truth be told, was in need of a shakeup but for the right reasons. Indeed May marked a time during the industry when all was clearly in “transition” phase. Yet for all the garbage foraging by MBAs and white collar stock jocks with an analyst bent looking for the next “Aphria report” (or another piece of information that would allow them to short sell the market in either direction) that started to occur in Europe, certainly by this point in 2019, it took a lowly employee at CannTrust (in Canada, not even Denmark) to blow the whistle on the worst scandal of the year internationally. Indeed the CannTrust debacle did not go public until later in the summer. And even then, the firm swapped management, but did not lose its license.

With such treatment, really, why would any firm have the motivation to seriously “go straight?”

But it was not that easy to create accurate labels or sling accusations and the details far more complicated. CannTrust was also far from the only casualty. In truth, many firms looking to import into Germany from other places (including the sunnier countries of Europe) were caught in the certification shuffle if not the rumor mill grist by this point. Even if they found themselves accidentally standing in the way.

Why the drama? The alternative truths if not the backstabbing was now in high gear for one simple reason. There were firms who were “in” and there were firms who were “out.” There was money flowing in certain directions, and most certainly not in others. The “others” included firms who found themselves shut out of a market or at least severely cramped in style, by Germans determined not to be left out of a new domestic economic revolution that in truth they had every reason to be possessive of on the distribution side. If not, just as obviously, the cultivation one. And that despite the sneers of the more medically oriented crowd, also included the low THC discussion.

Regulation and certification was in the room for everyone, and it was an animal that could not be so easily contained, even by the early summer, as “THC vs. CBD.” Much less “medical,” vs. “recreational” or “lifestyle.”

Note: The first book in the series (Green: The First 12 Months of Modern American Marijuana Reform) is about the start of the U.S. market in 2014. Green II will be available on December 1, 2020.