In the months before my bipolar 2 diagnosis I had been beginning to question what I was doing with my life — primarily when it came to my work. A few years in advertising and then moving to a global retailer had me thinking about whether I wanted to be in a world where all I did was sell things to people they probably don’t need.
Along with the usual pieces of advice you receive for managing mental health about exercise and diet, I had been steered to explore mindfulness. I still cringe a little at the word, potentially because of the way that people who talk about it seem to be a little holier than thou.
Cringe aside, I did start to look into it. I downloaded the headspace app and started to focus on my thoughts and feelings, trying to talk myself down from anxiety attacks and sleepless nights. I also started listening to podcasts, while my preferred topic was true crime I inched towards topics such as minimalism (a bit too holy for me), and to the Slow Home podcast which felt a little more on my level. At the same time I was rediscovering my enjoyment of gardening and being in nature and reading books such as The Art of Frugal Hedonism.
It was a slow awakening, and I think I hit snooze on it a few times trying to work out what was going to be next. My career thus far has been focused on the next role and the shiny title and getting as many dollars as I can to justify why I work so much.
Many hours were spent poring over the ethicaljobs website wondering about whether a move into not for profit could help to assuage my growing dissatisfaction. I knew that with this there would likely be a pay cut which could add a different type of stress to my life. While I am by no means a minimalist, I have started to think about how I consume goods both in terms of whether I use purchases to make myself happy and how those purchases impact on the planet. This does mean that in theory I will start to spend less money, be more conscious of purchase decisions and will be able to live on less.
One of the final pushes I needed was to see someone else do it. My boyfriend quit his fairly prestigious job at an advertising agency, with no job lined up and decided to move to the beach. When people were hearing about this they were saying, “I wish I could do that”. You can. Everyone can.
Well, I wanted to. But I have a mortgage and a 30kg dog that quite enjoys eating and a bold step with nowhere to go next was too much for me. I knew that I had a job that would continue to pay the bills while I thought about what was next. I had begun to determine what I wanted, it included a job that had a purpose and a cause, a version of work life balance with flexibility, and somewhere that I could unashamedly be me.
Not surprisingly, this pushed me towards roles in mental health and the many organisations that provide services in this area. Last week I went for an interview and within a couple of minutes I had shared that I have been treated for depression and now have a diagnosis of bipolar 2. It was a relief to share this and know that it’s benefit rather than a risk.
This week I resigned, and in a month I will start in my new role. While I will still be in marketing, it will be in an area that I am passionate about, speak about on end with friends and family and that will always be a part of my life.
This move may or not be the right one, but at least it is a move.
If you need to talk to someone please contact; Lifeline, 13 11 14, MensLine 1300 789 978, beyondblue 1300 224 636 or Kids Helpline 1800 551 800. Lifeline has a live chat service if picking up the phone isn’t good today.
