Work to me, like for a lot of people has been a defining element of my identity. The other element in the last 6 years has been my mental health. The crossover between the two has often been a challenge.
While working at one of the big four consulting firms I attempted suicide. The year afterwards I shared my post, The day I didn’t die to the company Yammer page. The response I had from my colleagues was humbling, and overwhelming. It helped to show others that mental illness was present in the company and that it was ok. Although, not one senior member of the business contributed to the thread, or shared their support (other than my direct manager). I heard through others that when the partners had their annual meeting shortly after I’d shared this post, it was said that they were concerned, because they didn’t want these conversations to happen in the business. It was disappointing, not only to me but to those who’d reached out to share their own experience. Especially given it was a business that publicly said the well being of employees was important.
In my next role I was off medication for a while, as David Westgate in Insight on SBS said, in an advertising agency that can be a benefit. You’ve got energy, and can push yourself through, you feel more creative and confident. Eventually, when I needed to I told my manager about my depression, he supported me. I had other colleagues who knew and had their own challenges and we were all able to be there for each other. In terms of mental health support it was actually quite positive.
My bipolar diagnosis has changed how I feel about work, and has increased my concern that maybe now it won’t be as easy for me to maintain work. I know now that full time work where there is an expectation of being available all the time doesn’t work for me. I need to be able to turn off (which should be an option to everyone, regardless of mental illness).
This week’s Insight episode on mental health in the workplace was well timed for me. Particularly around the topic of disclosure. It is not something that is required in a workplace, and there is often fear about it. Some businesses unfortunately don’t manage it well and it makes it harder for people who have a fear of stigma.
I have decided now that disclosure is something that I require in a workplace. I need to be able to work somewhere where it’s not just HR and a manager that knows. I want and need to be in an environment where I can say, “today’s a bad day for me” and people will get that, and not pity me.
I don’t need empathy, or to be called brave, or courageous. I just need people to know that some days getting out of bed is really hard, talking to people is really hard and occasionally I’ll need the people around me to adjust slightly to that.
If you need to talk to someone please contact; Lifeline, 13 11 14, MensLine 1300 789 978, beyondblue 1300 224 636 or Kids Helpline 1800 551 800. Lifeline has a live chat service if picking up the phone isn’t good today.
