Stone Soup: A Leadership Principle

Leadership is hard.

As leaders, we are often responsible for driving change and guiding teams towards a goal. Sometimes, these goals are complex. Scary, even. In difficult times, some leaders resort to Command and Control principles to get things done. This might work and get the job done, but relationships may be damaged, and the team's long-term health might suffer.

In a previous post, I briefly touched on the “Show, don’t tell” story-telling technique. In this post, I will compliment this idea and introduce you to “Stone Soup”, which you can include in your own leadership style.

First, I need to tell you the story. If you’ve heard the story before, you can skip to the next section, but I promise this won’t take long.

One afternoon, as the sun began to slip towards the horizon, an old man wandered into the village square. He sat down at the edge of the square and sighed, rubbing his long, grey beard and shaking dust off his frayed clothes. The square was bustling with activity. People walked briskly by, going about their business and barely noticing the old man.

The old man pulled a pot from a sack he had been carrying and set a simple fire. He filled the pot with water and placed it above the crackling flames. Rustling through the pockets of his coat, he fetched a small, smooth stone and dropped it into the pot. As people rushed by, he slipped a small stick into the water and began to stir.

As people hustled by, the old man stared into the pot, grinning and licking his lips. A young boy walking past noticed the old man. “This is going to be so good”, the old man said to no one in particular. The curious young boy stopped and looked into the pot.

“What are you making?” he asked the old man.

“Stone Soup!” the old man exclaimed. “Have you had it before?”

“Never heard of it”, said the boy.

“Oh, it is delicious. You really must stay and have some with me”, said the old man.

“Thank you, I will”, said the boy, and he sat next to the old man and started chatting.

As the old man continued to stir, he said, “I learnt this recipe years ago, and I can’t get enough of it.” He gazed deeply into the pot, then paused his stirring. “There is only one thing better than Stone Soup, though, and that’s Stone Soup with carrots. THAT is… There are no words”, and he blew a chef’s kiss.

The boy thought for a moment and said, “Oh.. we have some carrots. I could get them if you like?”.

“Oh yes, it will be amazing!” exclaimed the old man. The young boy ran off and returned with carrots, bringing several other people with him.

“I hope you don’t mind, but my family wanted to see what you are making”, said the young boy.

The old man chopped the carrots and stirred them into the simmering water. “Not at all, there’ll be plenty for everyone”.

As the old man continued to stir, several other people walking through the square stopped to discover what was happening. The conversations amongst the group grew. During a short lull in the conversations, the old man looked at the group and said,

“I can’t wait to have this Stone soup with carrot with you. It won’t be long. But do you know what would be even better?”. The group paused their conversations and looked at the old man.

“Stone soup with carrot and onion.” he looked back into the bubbling liquid and continued to stir.

The people looked at each other, and a woman in the back raised her hand and said, “I have some onions I could bring.”

“Amazing!” said the old man, “Stone soup with carrots and onions. We will be in for a treat.” The woman left and returned soon after with some onions.

As the old man chopped the onions and stirred them into the pot, the aroma began to waft over the square. The enchanting fragrance and chattering of the group enticed more and more people to join.

A young man walked up to the old man and asked, “Is there anything even better than Stone soup with carrots and onions?”

The old man paused his stirring, looking deeply into the pot before turning to the gentlemen. “Well… There is.. But… No, no, we couldn’t possibly do that”.

“What is it?” said the young man. “Please tell us!?” shouted another member of the group. The old man stood and addressed the crowd.

“Honestly, the best soup I’ve ever had is Spicy stone soup with carrots, onions and potatoes. It is incredible!”.

The old man outlined the spices he had in mind. The group talked together and discussed who had access to each of the ingredients. Several broke off from the group to get them. Others suggested ideas for accompanying and serving the soup and went off to arrange them.

As the sun set, people returned and added their ingredients to the pot. The soup simmered, and the aromatic scents drifted over the group. All talked about how wonderful it smelled.

As darkness set, the old man used the stick to scoop the stone out of the bottom of the pot. “The Stone soup is ready”, he said.

As everyone lined up, the old man used a ladle someone had brought to pour into everyone's bowl. The group devoured their flavoursome soup, all agreeing how incredible it was. The young boy returned to the fire to thank the old man.

But he had disappeared.

I don’t remember exactly when I first heard this story, but it had a strong impact on me. The heart of the story has shaped me as a person to this day.

But what does it all mean? How does this story have anything to do with leadership?

The main leadership themes I take from this story are:

• Empowerment — helping others take accountability
• Reassurance — making things feel achievable
• Togetherness — bringing people together on a common mission
• Soft Hands — leadership isn’t always firm

Empowerment

Too many leaders start their journey believing they must tell you what to do. A leader's responsibility, however, is to ensure you know what needs to be done. It is a subtle but important difference.

The Stone Soup story reminds us to empower teams to take accountability for success. It is not just the leaders that are accountable. All the members of the team must be part of the solution. Our job as leaders is to encourage and lift the team up to engage actively in the outcome.

Reassurance

Some challenges can seem impossible. But every journey must start with a single step. The stone is a metaphor for leaders to rally the team towards the first step. As leaders, we must encourage the team to start, define guardrails to work within, and allow the group to shape the outcome. It is the group's success. By helping the group succeed, you yourself will succeed.

Togetherness

The Stone Soup story shows how, together, teams can make something bigger than just by themselves. Each team member contributes to the overall outcome. Our job as leaders is to form that team, keep them together and focus them on the goals.

Soft Hands

The old man in the story doesn’t lead from the front. He doesn’t appear to lead at all. But his soft, engaging presence still brings the group together. This is leadership.

He is not using firm hands to manhandle the group. He is not using Command & Control. Instead, he lays out what is needed, talking with the group, not at them. Firmer hands will limit key contributions from the group and stifle emerging leaders from taking brave steps forward. Our leadership style shouldn’t smother people in the team.

Our leadership journey is often difficult. As you make your way along this road, hold an image of a small, smooth stone with you. I hope the ‘soup’ you make with your teams is as rich and inviting as the old man's.