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The Simpsons Christmas Episodes, Ranked

Non-canon and Lisa episodes can be found at the bottom

Mike Maher
Evergreen Springfield
19 min readDec 25, 2020

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Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash

I always advocate for watching things in chronological order, and one can never watch too many episodes of The Simpsons. But if you’re short on time during the holiday season, I watched and ranked every Christmas episode of the best television show ever made.

Here is every Christmas episode of The Simpsons, ranked from best to Lisa and non-canon.

1.) S12:E8 “Skinner’s Sense of Snow”

Chalkboard Gag

Science class should not end in tragedy.

Bonus: During the episode, principal Skinner writes “I ain’t not a dorkus” on the chalkboard.

Synopsis

When a giant blizzard hits Springfield and buries Springfield Elementary in snow, the children are trapped inside and soon rebel against Principal Skinner — while Homer and Ned try to rescue them with Ned’s car.

Notes, Images, and Takeaways

  • One of my favorite things that any show or movie can do is reference another show or movie or another one of its own episodes. So, Ned asking Homer about his old plow business and Homer not knowing what he is talking about (while wearing his old Mr. Plow jacket) is perfection in my eyes.
  • Skinner is showing a movie on a projector in class, but the projector is actually playing a DVD (which catches fire).
  • Skinner has to teach by himself because the teacher’s union called an “emergency caucus.”
  • Skinner only makes $25,000 a year, but Bart and the other students conclude that, based on his age and salary, he’s a millionaire.
  • Nelson beating up Martin for referring to salt as sodium chloride.

Favorite Quotes

2.) S9:E11 “Miracle on Evergreen Terrace”

Chalkboard Gag

Rudolph’s red nose is not alcohol-related.

Synopsis

Bart drinks a ton of water in order to get up super early and open up all of his Christmas presents, but he accidentally burns down the Christmas tree and all of the presents and then claims it was a burglar. The people of Springfield donate money to try and save Christmas. However, it eventually comes out that Bart lied about the burglar, and the family is shunned in the community.

Notes, Takeaways, and Images

  • Not only does Homer park in a handicapped parking spot at the store, but he parks sideways across three of them before dragging his leg as if he is disabled.
  • An angry Sprinfieldian (Springfieldite?) throwing a pineapple attached to a fishing line through The Simpsons’ window so they can reel it back in and throw it again.
  • Marge going on Jeopardy to win the family’s money back, ending the game with -$5,200, and then Alex Trebek and a couple of chronies telling her she owed that money.
  • In the following scene, Alex Trebek is one of the townspeople looting The Simpsons’ house.

Favorite Quotes

Sounds like you’re having a rough Christmas. You know what I blame this on the breakdown of? Society.
— Moe

“I’m not teaching you anything until I get my money back. Now, turn your desk around and stop learning.”
— Miss Hoover

3.) S1: E1 “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire”

I originally covered this episode in my Episode-by-Episode Review of The Simpsons (Season 1) story.

Chalkboard Gag

No gag for this pilot episode.

Brief Synopsis and Commentary

As far as pilots go, especially for an animated series, this one is pretty solid. They managed to cover a ton of ground and introduce many key characters and personalities in a short period of time. The fact that it is a Christmas episode is a bit odd, but it works for how it brings out the family dynamic.

In the episode, Bart gets a tattoo that the family has to spend their annual savings (what they usually use for Christmas presents) to have it removed. Then, Homer learns that he won’t be getting a Christmas bonus, leaving the family without any money for presents for the holidays.

Homer, too embarrassed to tell his family the news about the bonus, gets a second job as a mall Santa Claus to try and score some quick cash. However, after taxes and odd fees, he ends up making 13 bucks, which Bart promptly convinces him to bet on a dog named Santa’s Little Helper at the Springfield Downs, ignoring Barney Gumble’s advice to go with the dog Whirlwind, whom Barney considered a sure thing (Whirlwind won the race).

After the race, Santa’s Little Helper’s owner is so angry and shoos the dog away, and he runs right into Homer and Bart in the parking lot while the latter two are looking for discarded betting slips. SLH instantly becomes a member of the Simpson family, and Christmas is saved.

Notes, Takeaways, and Images

  • I didn’t realize this until watching this again in order to write this story, but the Snowball in this pilot episode is already Snowball II.

Favorite Quotes

While the most famous quote from this episode is probably Bart’s brief monologue about miracles that typically happen to poor kids on Christmas (“…It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, it happened to the Smurfs, and it’s going to happen to us!”), mine is Bart’s quote about Santa’s Little Helper after bringing him home:

“And if he runs away, he’ll be easy to catch!”
— Bart Simpson

4.) S11:E9 “Grif of the Magi”

Chalkboard Gag

I will not sell my kidney on eBay.

Bonus: During the episode, Lisa writes “I will not do math in class” on the chalkboard as punishment for attempting to do ven diagrams in school.

Synopsis

This is the infamous Funzo episode, where a major toy corporation buys a bankrupt Springfield Elementary in order to use the children for market research for a new toy. Funzo is a kind of Furby on steroids in that it is in high demand but is also programmed to destroy other toys.

Notes, Takeaways, and Images

  • Milhouse bringing a toddler’s toy to class for Show-and-Tell.
  • When Lisa discovers the fake broom closet the toy company is using to spy on the children at school, one of the notes on a piece of paper with a list of toy ideas is just “HawHaw.”
  • Gary Coleman, working as a security guard, having fictional conversations on a phone that isn’t plugged in.
  • Mr. Burns fixing the school up at the end of the episode with “some money he found in his tuxedo pants.”

Favorite Quotes

“I can’t wait ’til we’re teenagers; then we’ll be happy.”
— Milhouse

“Now, a word from my God, our sponsor.”
— Krusty

5.) S15:E7 “Tis’ the Fifteenth Season”

Chalkboard Gag

None. (Only one episode in Season 15, “Today, I Am a Clown,” had a chalkboard gag.)

Synopsis

Homer spends all of his money on a gift for himself and then tries to out-nice Ned Flanders as the nicest person in Springfield to get back in his family’s (and the town’s) good graces. Predictably, it backfires.

Notes, Images, and Takeaways

  • The snowman in the bad neighborhood where Homer goes to find a cheap Christmas tree has an axe in its head and fake(?) blood.
  • The Simpsons also drive past Gil attempting to hang himself with Christmas lights. Gil appears later in the episode ice skating at the The Simpsons household with those lights still tied like a noose around his neck.
  • The cheap tree Homer buys is so dry that it catches fire whenever he touches it.
  • The Simpsons ironically criticizes television on a regular basis. In this episode, after Homer watches a television version of Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol and explains it to the family, Bart mentions that TV writers have been milking that story for years. This is doubly ironic since this episode is itself a version of A Christmas Carol.
  • Homer gets Lenny a picture cube with rounded edges so they don’t poke him in the eye, which is a reference to Lenny constantly getting things in his eyes in several previous episodes.
  • There are multiple suicide references in this Christmas episode. At the very end of the episode, Moe is threatening to jump off the top of City Hall before deciding not to but falling anyway.

Favorite Quotes

6.) S7: E11 “Marge Be Not Proud”

Chalkboard Gag

I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist.

Synopsis

Bart is caught attempting to shoplift a video game. He tries to keep his failed “four-finger discount” trip a secret from Homer and Marge, and initially succeeds. But unfortunately, Marge finds out when the family goes to the same store to have the family Christmas photo taken and punishes Bart by banning him from family activities.

Notes, Takeaways, and Images

  • Milhouse enters his “name” into his copy of the Bonestorm video game as “Thrillhouse,” but the name appears on the screen as “Thrillho” due to the lack of character space.
  • The name of the store Bart attempts to shoplift from is the “Try-N-Save,” which has always been a favorite running gag of mine.
  • The security guard has a back-and-forth conversation with The Simpsons’ answering machine before admitting that no one was home when he called.
  • The security guard says Bart “broke the 11th Commandment, thou shalt not steal.” Thou shalt not steal is the 7th Commandment, and there are only 10 Commandments.

Favorite Quotes

“How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those "Police Academy" movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing! Did you?!“

—Homer Simpson

7.) S25:E8 “White Christmas Blues”

Chalkboard Gag

I will not call my teacher ‘Prancer’ and ‘Vixen’.

Synopsis

The combination of the nuclear power plant and the Springfield Tire Fire result in Springfield being the only town in America with snow for Christmas. The town commits to gouging the incoming tourists.

Notes, Images, and Takeaways

  • Homer merging the Christmas decorations with the existing Halloween decorations is pure genius.
  • This one has a good intro, with Grandpa outside in the snow with a sign that says “Still warmer than nursing home,” while Lenny is hanging a sign that says “93 days til March 28, actual birth of Christ.”
  • Krusty being horrified at the violence on Itchy and Scratchy and admitting that he’s never watched an episode sober.

Favorite Quotes

“Well, there’s a rec room off the kitchen, but sometimes it’s there and sometimes it isn’t. Our house is very odd that way.”
— Marge

8.) S26:E9 “I Won’t Be Home For Christmas”

Chalkboard Gag

Reindeer meat does not taste like chicken.

Synopsis

Marge kicks Homer out of the house after Moe convinces him to stay out all night on Christmas Eve at his tavern. Depressed, Homer takes a lonely walk through Springfield instead of being with his family.

Notes, Images, and Takeaways

  • They pretty much reused the intro from “White Christmas Blues” for this episode, which I never would have noticed if not for that fact that I watched all of these episodes in a row.
  • Homer locks the door to the nuclear reactor with a flimsy door hook.
  • Moe posing as a woman in a stroller to make Homer crash his car in front of Moe’s Tavern.
  • Moe calling Marge “Midge” will never get old. This time, he correctly calls her Marge 30 seconds after calling her Midge.
  • There is an anchor store in Springfield called “Anchor Management.”
  • The Grumple is at the secret Christmas party that Homer goes to.
  • God giving Jesus two walkie talkies as “two presents” for his birthday and Christmas.

Favorite Quotes

9.) S18:E9 “Kill Gil, Volumes I & II”

Chalkboard Gag

Frankinscence is not a monster.

Synopsis

Homer lets Gil stay with them for Christmas, but then he never leaves. Also, we meet The Grumple, a Grinch-like character that we first see in Krusty’s Kristmas on Ice show.

Notes, Images, and Takeaways

  • Gil cutting and pasting a picture of himself onto a picture of the Simpson family and sending out a Christmas card with the message “Merry Christmas from Gil and the Gang.”
  • This episode broadcast exactly 17 years after ‘Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire’, the first episode of the series and the first Christmas episode.
  • It’s only on the screen for a second, but the sign outside of Krusty’s Kristmas on Ice show says “Adults $40 / Children $29.”
  • The arena crew member (Raphael) who is setting up for the upcoming basketball game telling the Ice show snowman to “Tell it to the Utah Jazz, snowflake” and then flicking his cigarette onto the snowman’s tophat (it immediately catches fire) made me spit coffee onto my shirt while watching this.
  • One of the other ice show characters appears to be Poochy.
  • Gil leaves a note in Lisa’s lunch bag “Thanks for the bologna,” but Lisa is a known vegetarian.
  • The sign at Costington’s says “CHRISTMAS PRESENTS — AT HANUKKAH PRICES.”

Favorite Quotes

10.) S29:E9 “Gone Boy”

Chalkboard Gag

Snow angels are not frozen hobos.

Synopsis

Winter is ruined for Springfield when Bart falls into an underground missile silo, leading the town to put together a search party to find him. After most give up hope, Sideshow Bob manipulates Milhouse into revealing where Bart is hiding.

Notes, Images, and Takeaways

  • Sideshow Bob is picking up trash with other criminals along the highway when the Simpsons drive by.
  • For some reason, Sideshow Bob and the other criminals are among the people searching for Bart?
  • We get to see Sideshow Bob’s “Die Bart Die” tattoo again in this episode, which is an excellent reference to an early Sideshow Bob episode.
  • Bart finds a phone and uses it to prank Moe instead of calling for help, right before the phone chord breaks. Then Milhouse finds Bart and throws his phone down the manhole to him…shattering it and then also dropping his glasses.
  • In some election humor, Channel 6 projects that Bart is dead.
  • Milhouse gets to the Simpsons’ house without his glasses on, then puts them on after Lisa opens the door?
  • The woman on the cover of the old Playdude magazine Bart finds in the bunker is Agnes Skinner.
  • Shaq makes an appearance in this episode and flies away.

Favorite Quotes

11.) S28:E10 “The Nightmare After Krustmas”

Chalkboard Gag

None.

Synopsis

Krusty tries to impress his daughter as they spend Christmas with The Simpsons. Meanwhile, Reverend Lovejoy seeks converts after church attendance plummets, and Maggie is haunted by a spooky Christmas toy.

Notes, Images, and Takeaways

  • Willy rips out a snowman’s frozen heart in the background and eats it.
  • Homer is drinking out of a coffee mug with a picture of The Grumple on it.
  • The sign at the Springfield General Hospital says “The perfect Christmas gift? Your organs!”
  • Grandpa has a stocking in this episode, which is not the case in previous Christmas episodes.
  • The “gnome in the home” is terrifying. I’ll never look at an elf on the shelf the same way again.
  • The church has a dumpster that says “Recycle your nativity scenes here.”
  • Poochy makes a brief appearance on Itchy and Scratchy in the Krusty the Clown Sober Contemplation Hour.

Favorite Quotes

12.) S20:E8 “The Burns and the Bees”

Chalkboard Gag

Jesus is not mad his birthday is on Christmas.

Synopsis

When Mr. Burns wins a professional basketball team in a poker game, he plans to build a new sports arena in Springfield for them — on the site where Lisa is trying to keep Springfield’s bee population from becoming extinct, and Homer tries to solve the problem by mating the bees — with “killer” Africanized bees (Aka African Honey Bees).

Notes, Images, and Takeaways

  • Bart is riding a snowboard instead of a skateboard in the intro.
  • The billionaires at Billionaire Camp are playing “real” Quidditch.
  • Mark Cuban and Mr. Burns doing the secret billionaire handshake.
  • Mr. Burns wins the “Austin Celtics” in a poker game and renames them the “Springfield Excitement.”

Favorite Quotes

“Tis a tragedy, Lisa. No man should outlive his bees.”
— Willy

“I never dreamed the future could be scary.”
— Homer

13.) S13:E6 “She of Little Faith”

Chalkboard Gag

I do not have a cereal named after me.

Synopsis

Lisa becomes a Buddhist after the First Church of Springfield sells out and brings in advertisers. Marge and the church attempt to use Christmas to win her back.

Notes, Images, and Takeaways

  • Milhouse and Ralph posing as a pony as part of a bribe to bring Lisa back to Christianity (with Reverend Lovejoy watching from the window).
  • The “pony’s” name is Clip-Clop
  • When Homer says, “All nerds clear the launch area!”, Milhouse walks away with the group of nerds.
  • Patty knows about the urinal ice…
  • Lenny and Carl are practicing Buddhists.
  • This episode has more than 45 references to previous episodes.

Favorite Quotes

14.) S31:E10 “Bobby, It’s Cold Outside”

Chalkboard Gag

None.

Synopsis

We have another Sideshow Bob Christmas episode. Sideshow Bob gets contracted as this year’s mall Santa. Meanwhile, someone is stealing all the Christmas packages off people’s front porches.

Notes, Images, and Takeaways

  • No intro for this one, but the couch gag is the couch and the family as ornaments that cause the tree to fall over.
  • Sideshow Bob has a series of ornaments of Bart hanging, and I kind of want one now.
  • Sideshow Bob still lives in a lighthouse, which is where he ended up at the end of “Gone Boy.”
  • At the Christmas village, there’s an elf ears machine that you would think places elf ears on top of yours but appears to actually shave your existing ears into elf ears.
  • Gnome in the home makes another appearance in this episode, this time as a terrifying “It’s a Small World”-style ride at the Christmas village.
  • Homer mentions being a mall Santa in the past, which is a reference to the very first episode, “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire.”
  • Sideshow Bob and his new neighbor singing a contemporary version of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” and making fun of the recent faux outrage over that song is fantastic.

Favorite Quotes

15.) S30:E10 “‘Tis the 30th Season”

Chalkboard Gag

The fat man who works one night a year is my dad

Synopsis

After a failed Black Friday shopping spree, Marge is determined to fix Christmas. However, Homer and the kids surprise Marge with a vacation to a Florida resort.

Notes, Images, and Takeaways

  • Marge sees Gil waiting outside of the store and he casually reveals that he lives at the airport.
  • Homer is fully clothed in bed but wearing tear-away pajamas over his clothes.
  • Another customer rips the top of Marge’s hair off and uses it as a battering ram to break open the door to the store. Also, Marge has a dove living in her hair?
  • Miss Hoover puts out a cigarette in the hair Marge has left.
  • The motel/resort refunds the Simpsons’ money and adds $2,400 in exchange for their promise never to come back.

Favorite Quotes

16.) S23:E9 “Holidays of Future Passed”

Chalkboard Gag

Cafeteria trays are not toboggans.

Synopsis

Another non-canon Christmas special. At Christmas 30 years in the future, Bart and Lisa bring their kids to Homer and Marge’s house. When there, they learn about parenting and loving your family. Meanwhile, a pregnant Maggie is traveling to visit her family and falls into labor after arriving in Springfield.

Notes, Images, and Takeaways

  • Homer is sober in the future.
  • Homer is reading a hologram of a children’s book in bed, and his devices judges him for it.
  • Ned Flanders marries Maude’s ghost, and Maude tells him there is no God.
  • In the future, there are advertisements in the stars.
  • Lisa is married to Milhouse but still talks to Nelson on the side.
  • Lisa learns that Martin Prince is now Martia Princess.

Favorite Quotes

I have acted like a ten-year-old for the last 30 years, and I swear to you, I will grow up and act like a 20-year-old, the way a divorced 40-year-old should.
— Bart

17.) S22:E8 “The Fight Before Christmas”

Chalkboard Gag

None.

Synopsis

This Christmas special is of the “Treehouse of Horror” mold in that it is multiple stories rolled into one episode. The four stories focus on Bart, Lisa, Marge, and Maggie.

Notes, Images, and Takeaways

  • Elves at the North Pole train station are sitting on a bench that says “unionize.”
  • In Marge’s dream, Martha Stewart knits herself a jet pack.
  • Martha Stewart uses Maggie’s head as a template for spray painting the windows.
  • The fourth story is a…muppet skit featuring real-life Katy Perry?

Favorite Quotes

“Listen here, Kringle. I may have gotten naughty this year, but by today’s standards, naughty’s nothing! I didn’t get anybody pregnant, I didn’t Facebook a kid to death. Make with my dirt bike!”
—Bart

18.) S17:9 “Simpsons Christmas Stories”

Chalkboard Gag

None.

Synopsis

This episode consists of three shorter stories: “The First D’oh-El,” “I Saw Grandpa Cussing Santa Claus,” and “The Nutcracker…Sweeeeet.”

Notes, Images, and Takeaways

  • This is the 365th episode of The Simpsons. So, if you started on January 1 and watched one episode a day, it would take you a year to get to this one.

Favorite Quotes

Mike Maher is a writer, editor, and publisher, and you can find him talking about books and sports on Twitter at @MikeMaher, publishing work about books, writing, and publishing at @PublishingWell, covering the NFL on his Philadelphia Eagles blog, The Birds Blitz, and talking fantasy sports and sports betting at FantasyPros, BettingPros, and his own site, Juiced Ball Era.

The Simpsons
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Mike Maher
Evergreen Springfield

Written by Mike Maher

30K Followers

@MikeMaher on Twitter & IG. Senior Manager: @FantasyPros. Book publishing person. Editor: @PublishingWell, @InvisiblePillar, @TheBirdsBlitz, & @JuicedBallEra.

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