9 Amazing Facts About Water!

So. Water, right? I mean, who doesn’t know about water? It’s like, everywhere. It’s so common that I actually regret picking it up as a topic now because I’m very afraid that I‘ll never get to say something new about it. Please help me. Still, I believe in water so much that I think I can make it at least as interesting as that shady headline. So yeah, I’m here to present supposedly seven- no? What, nine? One? One, yes? Nine. Nine amazing facts about water, yessir. Here we go.

9. Our planet’s surface and your body probably have around the same water-to-everything-else ratio.

Almost everyone knows that the Earth’s surface is about 71 percent water, right? It’s basic Earth Science. Please help me. What most people don’t know, however, is that the average human body is also made up of about 70 percent water. That’s amazing, and that’s awesome, and you should remember that.

8. Water poisoning is a totally a thing that exists, you guys!

Well, the correct term is actually water intoxication, and it has something to do with the brain and how it balances the stuff it needs. Apparently, drinking too much water can cause negative effects in the electrolytes and the sodium and I don’t really know anything about this stuff, I got it from Wikipedia. Please help me. I’m being held against my will. And of course it is easy to forget that our old friend hydrogen-hydrogen-oxygen is a chemical, too, and consuming unholy quantities of it will lead to poisoning because that’s what every chemical essentially is: poison!

7. Caffeine is one of water’s oldest archenemies

So you might have heard of those guys that try to market coffee as the best cure for hangover, right? Bad idea. Actually, no, that’s the worst idea. Ever. Respect your body and do it a favor and do not do that. Why not skip alcohol altogether? No? Too Much? Okay. Anyway, yeah, when you’re hung-over, you’re dehydrated. What your body most likely needs is water, not caffeine.

But hey-mister-relies-on-Wikipedia-for-knoweldge, I hear you whine, coffee has water, too, and caffeine helps wake you up! So you get two for the price of one when you have coffee! No. That argument is only correct 1.) if you’ve done your research (which will tell you that your argument is invalid, so this is kind of pointless and you should be ashamed) and 2.) caffeine actually acts as a sort of blocker that impairs your body’s natural ability to absorb water. So, when you drink water with caffeine, you can’t be sure if all that watery goodness is actually getting to places where your body really needs it to be.

6. Water has a pH of 7, which is neither acidic nor basic

Wow. Hello, chemistry class nostalgia! All I remember about these two terms is that acids are sour like lemon (yes, I‘ve tasted lemon) and bases are bitter like soap (I’ve tasted those too). Anyway, they have locked me inside a room with a computer and as I’ve said, please, send help; I’m being held against my will. I think I am safe so long as they see me writing a clickbait article or something that resembles such — I have long since figured out that my keepers are not native speakers. Their English is okay but I think it’s not as good that I can get away with putting things like this in. My name is Shane and I am nineteen years old, a student of psychology. They beat me up and I was forced to get into a car around nineteenth street, giacoma boulevard near the shell station. They took me at around four in the afternoon on a sunday and I was unconscious for an unknown period of time and so I don’t know how many days have already passed. I will cut it short here because it gets too suspicious when an item is too long. Water is neither basic nor acidic! That’s amazing, and that’s awesome, and you should remember that.

5. Water can dissolve any substance! Well… almost.

You don’t get to be nicknamed universal solvent for nothing, right? Water just dissolves almost anything it can given time, and it’s unrivaled in that regard, at least where other liquids are concerned. By the way, ever since I woke up they made me do nothing but write. Write, that’s all they say, and they point me to clickbait articles and imply as best as they can that I should write in that style. This might be hard to grasp, but there really isn’t anyone here who speaks and writes good English. As far as I know, the only quality check they do is they copy this text and paste it on an online plagiarism checker, and if it is good enough they press publish on their site. What they’re good at, however, is graphs and numbers. They show me Google Analytics data of how our articles performed (of which I’ve written about six now). I don’t know how many of us “writers” there are, but our food, comfort, safety and general peace of mind relies on this data. If an article does well, I get to eat. If not, I sleep on the floor, hungry. Those that do super-poorly are punished — whipped. They’ve shown me what happens to those who write “bad” clickbait, and I still hear their screams in my head when I go to bed and try to sleep. I’m glad I am doing fairly okay with writing mine, but I don’t know how long it will last. Water can dissolve any substance, but not my fear. Please send help.

4. The US uses about 87 per cent of its total water consumption for irrigation alone

I am tired and that statistic is probably inaccurate. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have no clues, no windows to peer out of. I do not want to die here. Shane Mariah Fogerty. Tell my parents I love them. My only hope is that this goes through their shabby filters and you guys from the… authorities just go trace the ip where this originated or something, just please do anything. I am writing about water but I have not had a drink in hours they probably ration it or this is part of sick punishment, I don’t know. I haven’t had enough sleep it’s a wonder my mind can even still function. It is paradise if I could even get a shower right now but all I have is this room and this… order. To write. That’s what they want me to do.

3. This is girl thinking she can tricks us.

No, she cannot and she is now pay the price of her action! We make her think we know not good English, but we do, and this is prrof! Haha, Go tell your friends! We are to publish this, not for other reasons but only to make a mockery of all of you- you will not get us. You do not know us, but you will know us in next item.

2. Tell your friends around World- we are conglomerate of syndicate terrorist cell with interests in all major entertainment provider in internet.

You want major story? This is major story, that all you read are made by our slaves! And you will not stop this machines, and this article will be seen as joke, fake, or stupid — but it is our one and only chance to boast, we take this window of opportunity, yes! You want know why? We will tell in next item.

1. We are have money and power beyond your imaginings.

It is everything! Sincerely, your providers of entertainment.

P.S, the girl is dead