#25 — The Amazing Shyness (a real story✎)
Today I talk about a part of me which never leave me alone, like a lovely mum: the amazing shyness.
Why this song?
I choose this song because the title is shyness -.- And it’s a good song too.
What to say? I know what it is. Well, honestly .. I totally understand it. And maybe I could write a book about it. Mmm not today. But.. Let’s see.
I work in a co-working space: there are people. Everywhere. So it’s a recurring state of mind for me. Usually I treat my shyness as a challenge. And i fucking want to overcome it. And usually I’m able to do. Not Always. Often. So, even if I’m a bit shy I’m able to be a teacher (at least on what I know) and talks in front of many people. Sometimes i get stressed, sometimes not so much, sometimes i perfectly manage it (it’s rare, but when it happens. W O W. I feel like a G O D). I developed some tricks to manage it. But the most important lesson I feel I could share is never give up. Fucking. Never. Give. Up.
And it’s an easy lesson that you can apply on everything.
However today there are not so many people here in the coworking space so there are no social risks. It’s difficoult to describe shyness but it’s like being observed or judged. It’s like you’re scared about the other’s judgment. About people. And in those moments your mind keeps on concentrating on this weird sensation, like a masochist. Sometimes it’s a fucking limit, sometimes no because it let you develope a deep sensitiveness. I think that if I’m a bit sensitive it’s totally related to my (little) shyness. I’m fucking scared of being judged. I don’t perfectly understand why but so it is.
The mind process
Ok, there are other people around you. You would like to say something. But the fear comes. You don’t want that others notice it. You try to hide it. And your naturalness is already gone on the top of Himalaya.
It’s an irrational fear. My mind subconsciously predicts the worst scenario ever. And you feel the same amount of fear that risking your entire life. The thought process is:
- “Oh my god if I tell the wrong thing in the wrong way they will see me that I’m shy”
- “and stupid too. Not smart”
- “they will not talk to me anymore and I’ll be alone forever.”
- “I’ll die too”.
And it’s a loop. Because if you try to hide it the bad feeling becomes stronger… so it’s more difficoult to hide… You know this... And …
It’s quite funny. Worse than being death. It’s incredible how the mind works :) And then you try to be natural with these loop thoughts. I could name this particular state of mind as “Vietnam state" or “Jungle mood”. It requires a fucking incredible amount of effort to resist and don’t run crying in the corner. When the social situation ends you simply feel destroyed.
What I tried in my life? :)
- Hiding under a desk or behind something. Doesn’t work in the long term -.-
- Get angry with something. Mmm doesnt work so much, only a little -.- It’s a weird way to say “I fucking don’t care what you are saying, I would interest if I would stay well but NOW I have an Iron Maiden’s concert in my mind”.
- Getting drunk. Mmm. Let me be honest. It’s a trap. Because it works that night but the day after it’s worst than before. And drugs the same.
- Watching your phone. Mmm you dont solve anything in the long term. You just don’t overcome it.
- Behaving like an autistic guy. Mmm same end as the phone way
- Listening and don’t talk. Everytime. You already know that doesn’t work.
I learnt and i suppose that every objective is difficoult to achieve. It’s a process of learn by doing. Trial and error. You need to train your mind. Continuously. No finish line here. No easy — fast solutions.
- Another trick could be doing sports or a good hike on a mountain. I’m an athletic guy (maybe now I know why) and I always feel super relaxed after a football match or a good trekking. But if you are in the office it’s difficoult to do it. You can’t simply start running in the middle of a conversation. And if your problem is in the mind you can’t overcome it by training your body. At least you don’t fix it at all in this way.
- Just fucking talk and don’t give a fuck of what they will think :) Yees and then? Start flying too?
No conclusions. I didn’t find a general solution to this “problem”. I fight it everyday. At least I get never bored. I’m a bit shy. Maybe I become red in face if I’m in a “dangerous” situation, my heart’s beat accelerates and some anxiety comes. But in the end, nothing important happens. And if people judge me in a bad way for this weakness maybe they are not good for me. And it’s better if they go away. It’s only a bit of fear, nothing more. I keep staying alive and my life goes on.
PS: I always want to improve myself and learn new things so If you have other cool tricks which work for you share it please. I’m totally curious about it (: