4 Tips for New Dads

My wife suffered from Hyperemesis Gravidarum with both our daughters.

I’ve heard of husbands who leave during this time when their wives are suffering from this debilitating sickness and need help more than ever. This is inexcusable. The vow we take of “in sickness and in health” comes to mind for one, but, so does just being a human being. My wife vomited 30+ times per day during certain periods. We had hospice care explain how to use IV’s while my wife was on bedrest and at it’s worse, we spent weeks in the hospital on bedrest.

Every Mother Counts, wrote about this pregnancy complication, but basically Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) is a severe form of nausea and vomiting in pregnancy. It’s not JUST morning sickness. It is “unrelenting, excessive pregnancy-related nausea and/or vomiting that prevents adequate intake of food and fluids.”

With our second daughter, we counted days in hopes of reaching that magical 35-week point. We spent hours in silence in the same room both worried about what effect all the meds could have. From Reglan and other nausea meds to Magnesium — just writing the names of these meds conjures up emotions I’ve tried to forget for almost four years.

Our youngest daughter turns four in September. I can’t imagine what Tonia, my wife thinks of now when someone asks her “Will you have another child?” She endured countless needles of Zofran (the med given to chemo patients) and IVs. But still, we look at each other and shrug, “maybe. We don’t know.”

Why am I telling you this? Because involved fathers are vital. I work for National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI), an organization that works to support fathers and families. From skill-building material, training to community-based organizations like corrections departments and military bases, and every day parenting tips, our mission is to serve fathers and families across the country.

In the United States, 24 million children live in biological father-absent homes — that’s one in three children who grow up without a father. Father absence is an epidemic. It’s time we thought of it as such and it’s time we end it.

The consequences of father absence are huge. We know children in father-absent homes are two to five times more likely to:

-live in poverty

-fail in school

-develop emotional or behavioral problems

-abuse drugs

-become involved in crime

On the opposite side, there are benefits to father involvement. Children with involved fathers are more likely to have:

-better cognitive outcomes, even as infants.

-higher grades, test scores and overall academic achievement.

-lower levels of drug and alcohol abuse

-higher levels of empathy and other pro-social behavior

In fact, there is a “father factor” in maternal and child health. Infant mortality rates are almost two times higher for infants of unmarried mothers than for married mothers. How can dads be more involved? Here are four ways new dads can connect with kids earlyon:

1) Respect Your Child’s Mom

If you are married, keep your marriage strong. If you’re not married, it is still important to respect and support your children’s mom. A father and mother who respect each other, and let their child know it, provide a secure environment. When a child sees his parents respecting each other, he is more likely to feel accepted and respected.

2) Spend Time with Your Child

This may sound simple, but how a dad spends his time tells his child what’s important. If you always seem too busy for your child, she will feel neglected no matter what you say.

3) Read to Your Child

It’s never too early to begin reading to your child. This creates a bond between you and your child that is not easily forgotten. I’ll never forget reading seminary textbooks to my first baby when I was studying for a Masters in Divinity while late nights and sleeping troubles were happening. She needed to be rocked to sleep. Between the reassurance of my voice and her passion for systematic theology, she was fast to sleep.

4) Use NFI’s Countdown to Growing Up Tool

This National Fatherhood Institute tool helps dads (and moms!) know what to expect and not expect in terms of child growth over the months and years. You can also use the tool to make notes and save or print your child’s chart to take with you to pediatrician visits.

As you work through these four steps, remember those whom Every Mother Counts reaches out to globally. Without education and care, there is no change. Likewise, without more involved dads, change is difficult at best.

Ryan Sanders is social media manager for National Fatherhood Initiative. You can find him on twitter @RyanSanders and learn more about NFI at www.fatherhood.org.

Resource: (Source: Matthews, T.J., Sally C. Curtin, and Marian F. MacDorman. Infant Mortality Statistics from the 1998 Period Linked Birth/Infant Death Data Set. National Vital Statistics Reports, Vol. 48, №12. Hyattsville, MD: National Center for Health Statistics, 2000.) (https://www.fatherhood.org/media/consequences-of-father-absence-statistics)