Dr. Stacy and Dr. Joe Talk About Diverse Families and Forward Footsteps: Part 1

Dr. Stacey Bromberg and her “best friend forever,” Dr. Joe Taravella are clinical psychologists who work with families in crisis.

Dr. Stacey works in Colorado and Dr. Joe, in New York and New Jersey. They met in graduate school and formed a bond that’s translated over the years to a mutual interest in working with diverse families and eventually into co-authorship of children’s books about gay parents and families. We talked to Stacey and Joe about the unique challenges they’ve recognized for diverse families, especially ones with two mommies or daddies.

Stacey, let’s start with you. In addition to having a busy private practice, you and Joe wrote two lovely children’s books. How did that happen?

Stacey: Joe and I have been best friends since the first day of graduate school, which was ages ago. Joe and his husband were having their first baby in California. I have always worked with children and I give books as gifts for when new children are entering families. I went to the bookstore and said I needed a book for a baby that was going to be born to two daddies. The storeowner sent me to the bereavement section.

What? Why?

Well, I know, right? I do a lot of grief work with families whose babies have passed away or miscarried. I’m pretty clear on the difference, so I just said, “No it’s not a bereavement issue. It’s a family issue. Everyone is healthy. It’s just two dads.” They were like deer in the headlights and sure enough the only book they had was in the bereavement section on the bottom shelf — “baby has two mommies” right next to “grandpa goes to heaven.” I was appalled. When I went to a bookstore in New Jersey once again, I was directed to the death and disorder section to look for a book on same sex families. So Joe and I saved our money and started a company called Forward Footsteps so that we could write, illustrate and publish these books. I will say, the first illustrator we hired told us he could no longer do the project once he received the content. We found another illustrator who was absolutely lovely to work with and our hope is to publish more. Joe and I are both psychologists and we hope that our experiences working with children and families means that what we have to say will be heard in a different way.

We’ve been talking to a lot of experts about what makes a family. What’s your take on that?

Family may be biological or it may one you choose from very close friends. The idea is that you stick together no matter what and accept one another. Every family has its struggles and strengths. Families constitute very differently. Sometimes there are two kids. Sometimes there are grandparents. People learn how to work within the structure of their own family and respect that every family is different. We want to promote the idea of less judgment and more acceptance of families that don’t look like yours. People talk about cultural differences and diversities and Joe and I frequently discuss the culture of family. It’s important to realize there are different family cultures and we can’t make assumptions about families based on what they look like. Every family has a story of how came to be. Who we are and how we came into to our family is our very first context in the world and it effects how we make relationships. The lens that we choose to see the world through is really shaped by our home, families and primary caregivers. We wrote these books so families would have a way of discussing the differences in their narrative, their similarities and ideas on accepting and respecting one another. And if we do that from the beginning than we don’t have to undo it later.

Read Part Two for Dr. Joe’s side of the story