Global Birth Club: June Update

For fathers: How did your partner share the news of pregnancy with you? For father and mother: What are your dreams/hopes for your child?

How do fathers prepare for the birth of a child? In the US they might take childbirth education classes with their partner, attend doctor’s appointments with them, sometimes take on extra chores so that mom can rest. Anything like that where you live?

Cheneffer:

Cheneffer’s husband: In December when she missed her cycle, she took a pregnancy test that same day. So we both shared the news together on December 8.

Our dream for our baby girl is to be healthy. To give her all the love and care that we can give her. Like we did with our first baby boy.

This is not the first childbirth for my husband, fatherhood kicked in many ways with me helping him with the baby. This pregnancy is a lot better — my husband does most of the chores so I get to rest when I’m home.

Norah:

Norah’s husband: She told me when she was about one month pregnant and after she had missed her monthly periods. I then told her to go at the facility to do a pregnancy/HCG test to find out whether she was really pregnant despite the other signs on the body. This was finally proved true.

My dreams for my children don’t change but it looks like this baby may have a lot of blessings since the mother has never fallen sick. As a father I would love to see my child growing up to old age with good health. I am determined to provide and support the family when as I live to ensure a bright future.

Preparations start with the care during pregnancy. When she’s left with two months, at seven months, that’s when I will be more conscious for real delivery. Am saving small moneys as a way of supporting my wife in case she gets any complications, I will be able to support in case of anything.

I also have money to buy her any foods that she may like to support her breastfeeding. She’s able to feed on goats’ stew, fresh beans and avocado. I will buy baby clothes and other requirements that will be needed at the facility.

In Uganda we do not have programs/places for lessons on childbirth. Men and their wives are encouraged to go together for ANC (antenatal care.) Contrary to the expected; the women here are the ones that go for ANCs since we don’t have time. My wife goes and she comes back and educates me on what the health workers taught. I have only been able to attend once ANC with her because am always busy at work.

Zukiswa:

Zukiswa: I’m a person with regular menstrual periods and so when I missed a date I immediately went to the clinic, I was tested for pregnancy and when the test came back positive I called my husband to share the news with him. In all his excitement, the first thing he said was “I hope it is a boy”. We have a four-year-old daughter and we are praying for a boy.

In South Africa we don’t have birth education classes available in public clinics. They are only available in private clinics and are quite expensive. My husband works during the week and he can’t come with me to the clinic. He helps a lot around the house whenever he’s at home. He helps me with the laundry and he cooks on weekends. I sometimes pretend like I’m not feeling well so he can cook. He’s such a great cook and I don’t want him to know that I’m sometimes taking advantage. He seldom realizes that, and he sometimes cooks for the whole week and I love him for that.

Unlike most African men, he doesn’t expect me to tend to him hand and foot. He’s very modern and understands that pregnancy can be very challenging for the woman. When the baby is born I’ll teach my husband how to bathe the baby and how to change nappies. I know already that he’ll love being able to help as much as he can, especially since he will not be helping with feeding, I’ll breastfeed our baby.

It makes us both so happy to be able to breastfeed even though we are living with HIV. Thanks to all the education I get from mothers2mothers on how to prevent transmitting the virus to my baby and keep myself healthy.

Hellen:

The father was altogether happy when I shared the news of the pregnancy with him. My dreams and hopes for my child are a bright and successful future of an engineer and God-fearing person.

[On fathers’ preparation]: No! [Nothing like that where I live.] Only [fathers] do the facilitation for the mom to attend doctor’s appointments, meet hospital costs and other baby’s needs. Here moms take care of the house chores as usual until at birth time and even after delivery. At most, fathers take only 3–4 days off work after the baby’s birth.

Vivian:

Vivian’s husband: Vivian woke up before dawn, while I was still sleeping, and did a pregnancy test. She then woke me with a kiss, telling me “This one’s for you.” We were both laughing and excited.

We hope to raise our boy in a peaceful, loving environment…hopefully the world will become a kinder, more simple place where a person can experience true happiness. We wish our children, and the world’s children, health and happiness.

Vivian: My husband is a true prince, he supports all my decisions and desires. And he loves my bigger body and cherishes this time of pregnancy, allowing me to indulge in extra sleep and making no demands on me. He is reading a book by Israel’s foremost expert on natural and home births, and is preparing himself and me by educating us on all the pros and cons. He makes sure I eat well and healthy, and in general is super sweet and loving. With our first child we were in Berkeley CA, and were part of a Mindful Birthing prenatal group. We meditated and did yoga together, and I hope to spend the last three months of my pregnancy doing the same with him.

Erin:

Erin’s husband: With every child I was there for the pregnancy test. Well in fact on the first, Erin took a test on her own and told me the news. And I was really disappointed by that so for the other children we made a deal to never take one alone. I wanted to be there for that moment.

I hope that our daughter has a long, healthy, happy and fulfilling life. I thought I would have more to say here but that really sums it up — and I think the most important thing is the fulfilling piece — that she lives her life in such a way that she can look back and be proud of the choices that she made, with no regrets.

Erin: How do I compete with that answer? That’s all you could want for your child. Now knowing we’ll have three girls I can think of some girl specific hopes. I hope she is strong and independent but still knows how to love deeply and I hope she can define happiness for herself and then has the courage to go out and find it.

Erin’s husband: So with the third child I was admittedly less involved than in the first two, and I think the first time through every step of the pregnancy gets the most attention from mom and dad! Add in the fact that we had a miscarriage in our last attempt at #3 and I think that was just such a disappointment, I may have been more guarded when we got pregnant this last time. That probably kept me at more of a distance than I would have been otherwise. That said, I went to the important doctors appointments. I also participated with enjoyment as my wife sent me and told me updates about what was happening with baby’s development from BabyCenter (this week baby is the size of a pea! And now we have a 3.5 pound coconut). And in terms of extra chores…this time I actually did less as I was away for work during the week so my heroic wife took care of our children and all household things and also packed up our house for a move. I guess what I did mostly was simply to share in the wonder and excitement of bringing another being into our family.

Erin: He doesn’t give himself enough credit. Yes we had different circumstances with this pregnancy but looking across all three, he’s been super involved. We took all the classes with number 1, and over all of them Dave has been doing all he could to shield and protect the baby (and me). His paternal instincts really kicked in all three times around and even if we disagreed on what protecting the baby meant sometimes, I’ve always been so humbled and appreciative of how involved he’s wanted to be in taking care of the baby as early as possible.

Erin’s husband: I admittedly am a bit overprotective of mom carrying baby, especially during the first trimester, so I do find myself at times “constructively” talking to my wife about what activities we might want to stay away from while pregnant until baby is more fully cooked and secure.

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