Mothering Teenagers and Raising Compassion in Light of Trayvon Martin

I have a son who’s 17-years-old.

He looks like he’s 25 with his full beard and confident demeanor. He travels around town day and night by skateboard or bus or walking with his semi-adult guy pack. He’s scruffy and large and favors black clothes. If you came across him late at night, doing the stupid stuff so many teenage boys do, you might feel threatened. Is he violent? No. Is he dangerous? No. Is he a young man (very likely wearing a hoodie) walking through your neighborhood at night? Yes. These are his streets too. When you see my son alone or with buddies, is he someone you want to avoid? Maybe, but every night when he’s out with his friends, I just hope he’s not one you’ll shoot.

Mothers like me are devastated that a 17-year-old boy can walk to the store for a bag of Skittles and never come home again, instead to be murdered by a man who’s anger and fear was funneled into a misguided sense of duty to protect his neighborhood. Mothers like me are also confused about how to raise our children in an anger, ignorance and fear-based world to be responsible men and women who are more filled with compassion than they are rage. It was a mother who raised Trayvon and another who raised George Zimmerman. Both of these mothers hearts have been shattered by their sons’ actions and consequences.

Mothers like me are grieving for Sybrina, Trayvon’s mother, for the son she lost and the justice that was not served to him or her family. We’re furious his killer got off scot free. We know a different verdict would not erase her grief, but it might have sent a message to the world that our teenagers are so important, fragile and deserving of life that we will protect them, seek justice for them and demand a world where a trip to the store for Skittles is an errand, not a death sentence. Yes, they’re rough-cut, awkward, impulsive and often unpredictable. That’s what they’re supposed to be. They’re teenagers, but given time, opportunity and patience, they will grow into the adults who will take their places in charge of the world. Sybrina’s son was not given those chances.

Now is the time for mothers to step forward and do what we do best — guide, nurture, teach, lead, discipline, feed, support and stand as an example to our children, partners, sisters, friends, families and communities that now is the time to put down our fear of each other, replace violence and confrontation with compassion and a willingness to listen. We cannot depend on an imperfect court system to create that world we envision where our children are safe and capable of becoming a dream-fulfilled, violence-free generation. It’s time for mothers to lead our children and the world and to raise them up to be responsible, respectful and better versions of themselves. It’s time for mothers to make the world a safe place where teenagers can be teenagers. It’s time for us to raise a generation that’s less afraid than the one before.

Tonight, when my son goes out with his friends I know he’ll look scary to some just because he’s a young man, but to those who know and love him, he’s a treasure who is deeply valued. I’ll breathe a sigh of relief when he comes home safe and sound. I only wish that the same could be said for Sybrina and Trayvon.