What’s It Like To Be Postpartum in America?

In many countries around the world, women are expected, supported and encouraged to spend weeks to months resting, recovering, bonding, nursing and easing into the role of motherhood.

Last week The Daily Beast ran an insightful story about why America’s postpartum practices are so rough on new mothers. In many countries around the world, women are expected, supported and encouraged to spend weeks to months resting, recovering, bonding, nursing and easing into the role of motherhood. Not so much in America where women tend to get out of bed and back to business ASAP after they deliver. We’re not so sure that’s a good thing for American mothers and we know quite a few who’d be happy to have far more postpartum support than we usually have. We asked the moms on EMC’s staff what their postpartum support was like. Here’s what they shared:

Christy Turlington Burns:

I hired a postpartum doula to help me after I delivered Grace. I met Diana through my birth doula Amy, but I didn’t realize how much I would need her care. After I delivered and experienced my postpartum hemorrhage, I returned home and needed her extra care with building my blood back and providing guidance to heal myself. I was lucky to have the continuum of care from delivery to post delivery but without my doulas and their relationship this may never have happened. Then my mom and each of my sisters took turns visiting.

Kathie Zern (EMC’s General Counsel):

My mother came for two weeks and ended up staying three months. That about sums it up. Luckily for me, she and my dad were retired so they could afford to take the time off, and these were her first two grandchildren … after having waited years (emphasis hers) … so she was eager to help.

The twins were a bit overwhelming. I had never changed a diaper, never fed a baby, never bathed one. I had barely even held one! And with both children diagnosed with GERD and one with colic on top of that, it was not easy. I truly don’t know how I would have made if through those first few months without my mother’s help and advice. Besides helping care for her grandchildren, she helped take care of me. I vividly recall one of the rare occasions when the babies were actually napping at the same time, my mom told me to rest on the porch and then brought out a tray with some lunch. It is incredibly comforting to have someone take care of you — even if it’s just to bring you a sandwich — when you are spending all your waking (and sleeping hours) caring for someone else.

Jessica Bowers (EMC’s Portfolio Director):

I remember with my first pregnancy our families asked us what help we’d need once the baby arrived. We just shrugged — as first-time parents we had no idea! It ended up being a lot easier than we thought, for a number of reasons: I had an easy labor and delivery, she was an easy baby, I was able to take time off from work to be with her, and I had the support of my husband and our families. In the evenings when my husband came home from work I’d hand her right over and say, “Your turn!” The 2:1 adult:kid ratio is ideal. Actually maybe 3:1 is ideal…

With my second daughter it was a lot harder. She wanted to be held ALL the time. We also fell into a routine of me staying with the baby since I needed to feed her, while my husband would take our toddler places and play with her. We quickly realized that the toddler really needed mama time that she wasn’t getting, and my husband needed baby-bonding time, so we made a special effort for me to spend time alone with the toddler and my husband with the baby.

Debra Duffy (EMC’s Head of Public Relations):

I had a c-section for the birth of Ella and truly did not know what to expect during and certainly not after. I tried not to read a lot of blogs or news about it because people have such different experiences. With that said, I knew one thing that was for sure — that my mom could not leave my side for the four days I was in the hospital and then the weeks after leaving it. My husband is incredibly supportive and was also extremely helpful, but there was something about my mom’s presence that I turned her from grandma into my very own baby nurse. I didn’t necessarily always ask her to do things for me (well maybe I did, more like guidance on how to pull a onsie over Ella’s head without feeling like I was going to rip it off), but for the most part, I just needed her around for reassurance that I could handle this mama thing. For the first four weeks I was home, she came everyday with coffee and a bagels and stayed until my husband came home from work each evening. After that she would come three days a week, then down to just the weekends, then eventually reassumed her role as grandma which she shines at just as much as she did as baby duffy nurse.

Jeanne Faulkner (EMCs writer):

With baby number one, my sister came to stay for a week so she could teach me the way our family bathes babies, dresses them, nurses them and what lullabies we sing. She cooked, did laundry and encouraged me to sleep whenever possible. With baby number two, another sister came to take care of my one-year-old while I took care of the newborn. I had a few days of help from my sisters and my husband and by a week after delivery, I was back on my feet with two babies. With baby number three, I had moved a thousand miles north of my closest relative. My husband didn’t have much time off work so after a couple of days, I got up and got going. With baby number four, I was exhausted and felt lousy after delivery. I had a nanny who helped take care of the other kids and my very old father who lived with us and I laid low for as long as possible. I don’t know exactly when I got back up and around, but I took more time with that baby than the others, simply because I felt so sick. Even though my sisters and nanny helped me a lot, I always felt pressure with each of my babies to get back to business ASAP. There was never a sense that I should be resting. Instead, I felt like I needed to hurry up and get on with it.