# Presidential Election: These Hoe’s Ain’t Loyal

The Presidential candidates will start to sound similar coming closer to Nov.

In the coming months we’ll elect a new President, and something weird is going to happen, and it happens just about every election. We’ll see our two “candidates” (if you can call them that this year) start to seem like they actually agree on more things than they disagree. It’s called “median-voter theorem” explained for us by Eastside Ellie in her song (Don’t and Loyal Cover).

#### What is median-voter theorem?

In 1929 Harold Hotelling, an economist, wrote that a rational voter would choose a candidate whose views showed most “proximity” to his own(or her, it was 1929 shithead, 9 years after women could vote the least you could do was acknowledge it). In turn, a political party serious about winning should take the positions most likely to convince the voter in the electorate’s ideological middle. Below explains it in visual form:

Since both parties need to attract most votes from a broad electorate, this “median-voter theorem” would push them both towards the center. Hotelling observed that American candidates tended to “pussyfoot” (no he actually said this) for just that reason, giving ambiguous answers to policy questions for “fear of losing votes”. Sound familiar?

Hotelling’s logic still remains airtight today. If a hypothetical party system is to remain stable, it will have to give both sides roughly equal opportunities to cobble together 50.1% of the electorate.

The 2016 election is confusing. And I have a feeling they did that on purpose — so no one really knows whats going on. But they made it easy for you, pick blue or red, or any other color, if you want to waste your time and vote. But seriously, you have a better chance getting into an accident on the way to the polling center than you do influencing the election, especially by voting any other color than blue or red.

Basically, to win the Presidency you first have to win over your own party. You have to be the most staunch Democrat or Republican nominee there is. And if you win, then you’re only half way there. You still have to win over the independents and individuals who have yet to decide who they want as the next leader of the country. But why is this an issue? This is where our girl Eastside Ellie comes in.

Don’t fuck with my love
That heart is so cold
All over my home
I don’t wanna know that babe

No body want’s the love fucked with. But, the closer we get to election night, the more your candidate is going to let you down and compromise all your “home” ideas and you don’t wanna know that babe. It hurts and their heart is so cold to do that to you.

When a fake bitch want you
And your girl can’t do nothing for ya
These hoes ain’t loyal

Candidates are fake bitches who want you, and your party is your girl who can’t do nothing for ya. Why? Because they’re the ones who elected them in the first place. And in the end we find out that these hoes ain’t loyal, they give in when it comes to party principals to win over the median-voter during the national election. It boils down to just which candidate can promise more things without sounding crazy. So basically the same thing that happened at your high school elections, “like, I totally, like, swear I’ll get you a soda machine, and longer lunch hour”…but instead its with shit you actually depend on.

Voters at the midpoint usually get the policies, if not always the exact outcomes, they want. In the federal budget, the largest line items include Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid and military spending — all very popular programs. The interest on the national debt is mounting because we don’t like paying higher taxes for all those benefits, so our government borrows to postpone the pain. But that’s rabbit hole I’ll go down in another song.

Think about it at the larger scale, their party isn’t just delegates — it’s also titans of industry and rich donors. So after they win the party election and campaign on a certain platform these donors and leaders of business expect a certain return on their investment. You can find how much each candidate has raised so for and spent here.

Just got rich
I ain’t a broke guy’s bitch
But I can make a broke guy rich

So both candidates have gotten rich from donations (or loans in Mr. Trumps case) and listen to those donors (cough, cough, Goldman Sachs), then promise to make these “broke” rich men and women, even richer. This is the D.C. version of you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours, but instead of backs its power and money.

In sum, the incentive to be the President is to lie to your party about how far you’re willing to go to the left or right, then stab them in the back the second they elect you as their leader to win the general election. Cool. Sounds like a productive and efficient system. I mean this guy was President:

So really it can’t be that hard, I mean look at the garbage we produced this year. If that didn’t make sense, this video will help.

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