Guys Admit the Weird Thing Their GF did that Made Them Know She’s Marriage Material
After hours of being tortured with feathers.
We (I) took a study of 5 (0) men who recently tied the knot with the women of their dreams to find out what it was that pushed them to commit their lives to these lucky (depending on your perspective) ladies.
We all know that a woman is only as good as her man (assuming that you’re an asshole with an extremely limited and chauvinistic worldview), unless she doesn’t have a man (for which there may be a variety of reasons). But then we have to judge her in other ways (which will surely be the topic for another day). But, as I am The Voice of The Generations, I feel that it’s my duty to be sure that all (heterosexual) women (who prioritize marriage in their lives) have the tools they need to be the woman who finally gets that ring (if that’s how you choose to show off your commitment to marriage).
Naturally, I have my own theories about what it is that takes a woman from girlfriendtown to wifeville (in this very hetero-normative world we’re talking about), but I wanted to go straight to the source (without actually going straight to the source). I knew that it couldn’t be as simple as all the adages have told me over the years. “Stand by your man” they say, or “The way to a man’s stomach is through his heart.” Immediately, I thought of going to the many men I know who’ve been happily married for years — like my father, my uncles, my best friends’ husbands, my neighbors, new friends on the subway, that guy on Tinder. But, I didn’t want to be biased in my investigation (nor did I want to investigate). So, I tried the next best thing — the internet. I put out a survey in every Facebook group, to see what the married men would say. But, I was immediately removed from every Facebook group I posted in (mostly because the way I worded my survey made it seem like I was trying to steal all of the married men in these groups). Finally, I knew what I had to do.
I took some nyquil, drank some rose (I do not endorse this method) and interviewed myself in the mirror (this is usually what is required to tap into my many masculine personalities). And when I woke up from the self-induced fever dream, I’d written myself a note with a very clear answer. Now, I share it with you all:
In order to become wifey material to your BF (boyfriend, not best friend — although hopefully he’s both), it’s imperative that you stop reading articles and clickbait that are designed to turn you into human robots, and try just being human. Like, I don’t know, but you could maybe just be yourself and find someone who it hurts to not be married to (as paraphrased from my Grandmother).
Goodnight, I’ve got a bottle or rosequil calling my name!
